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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddlers and ear piercing

140 replies

nellyjelly · 28/04/2013 07:24

AIBU to think this is just wrong?

In a shop today and a mother was literally holding her 2 year old down while the piercer put the earrings in. One ear already done and child screaming, so she knew what was coming on the second ear.

Bloody barbaric. I don't mind pierced ears and when my DD is old enough to make the choice she can have it done. But a baby? How come it is even legal?

OP posts:
CruCru · 28/04/2013 16:27

Hi expat. I suppose that's my thing. I don't like these things myself but I don't think any are necessarily "wrong".

I feel a little uncomfortable with all the chat about piercing children's ears being abuse. I don't like it and I wouldn't choose to do it but I find it difficult to class as abuse. Perhaps people who feel that way could set up a petition or write to their MP.

Roseformeplease · 28/04/2013 16:30

I had mine done at 16. Fast forward to my early 20s and I got one caught in someone else's jumper. No problem - hurt a bit but no obvious tear / blood.

2 years later, after wearing the same earrings for a few weeks, I took them out, only to find that my ear had completely WORN through, and healed. It looked like an open pair of curtains. Only the earring had been holding it together.

Thankfully, my job came with BUPA and it cost them £800 to get a plastic surgeon to stitch it up. It now looks like there has never been a hole.

The surgeon said the operation was very, very common particularly amongst those who wore heavy earrings, or who had them done very young. He had to reopen and then re stitch the wound, putting in 16 tiny stitches.

I would not allow a child to be put at risk of this.

BegoniaBampot · 28/04/2013 16:35

but it is cultural. I was brought up in the Uk. I wouldn't get my young childs ears pierced, don't agree with it, disapprove slightly when I see it on babies. But if i was brought up in Spain I might feel completely different and so might all you on this thread. If you moved to Spain, would you be as vocal to the locals on their abuse and your disgust etc?

CruCru · 28/04/2013 16:42

Having said that, I am surprised that someone would pierce a screaming, struggling child. It seems very unwise. I've seen hairdressers refuse to carry on cutting hair when the child isn't cooperating.

chattychattyboomba · 28/04/2013 16:42

Begonia- that's my point when i suggested it was cultural way up thread. My cleaner considers it normal and thats why she insists i pierce me DD's ears. She is a sweet lady from Jamaica and also makes suggestions about buying my 2y/o a dressing table with make up so she can play. I would never suggest to her that piercing ears was barbaric or a 2y/o wearing makeup was sexualisation as are my beliefs. Probably too much of a wimp to speak up but i don't want to offend her either.

jamdonut · 28/04/2013 16:47

My mother wouldn't allow me to get my ears pierced until I was 13. That was my choice for my 13th birthday. I allowed my own daughter to get hers done at age 12.

I don't believe you should be piercing children's ears unless they are old enough to understand and make an informed decision. I personally hate to see earings on pre-school-age children.

And they are a pain on primary school-aged children. They have to take them out for PE, or cover them with micropore tape. So many children can't do that for themselves, and taping them up is a complete palaver, as then it gets stuck to hair and causes more fuss and bother than it is worth!

Sirzy · 28/04/2013 16:50

Just because something is cultural doesn't make it right or mean people should go along with it.

Umlauf · 28/04/2013 16:53

this is a good article about the abuse vs culture with regards to ear piercing.

In places where it is cultural, as far as I know (only having lived in Spain not sure about other places) its considered crueller to do it later on when the child is older anyway. The idea being that a) a baby can't remember the pain and associate it with the traumatic experience and b) they won't fiddle with their ears and cause infection. Its also done with a needle and thread and tiny baby studs rather than Claire's style guns. The earrings themselves have screw on backs so there isn't a stick the other side and they can't be pulled off and swallowed.

Having said this I won't be having my baby's ears pierced when its born in Spain. Its not in my culture to do so and a lot more faff than its worth.

BegoniaBampot · 28/04/2013 16:54

you might only think that because it is considered naff and cruel mostly in our culture though. if you were born in Spain you might have felt totally differently.

Umlauf · 28/04/2013 16:59

Yes i completely agree begonia. My Spanish friends think I'm being really unreasonable to the baby for not doing it. As for the pain argument its not dissimilar to a vaccination. Until recently the midwives did the piercing in hospital. I'd actually rather do it as a baby than as a toddler, so its a big decision because its birth or aged 12 ish or older for me.

However I've given it a lot of thought and as we're British and the baby will be too, and will most likely be going to school in the uk we decided against it.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2013 17:11

No one is forcing you to go along with it, though, Sirzy. They are chosing it for cultural reasons.

I did not pierce my girls' ears. DD1 wanted to have them done, but she was 9 and would have needed to wait till she was 11, anyhow.

One of the nurses in her unit is from Nigeria. She pierced her infant daughter's ears herself and looked after them. She started speaking of it when we were discussing our backgrounds. My aunt who was a paed nurse did mine, but of course, I don't remember it.

Never had any lasting problems.

Chunderella · 28/04/2013 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePskettiIncident · 28/04/2013 18:06

My grandmother took me to have mine done when I was a toddler for "cultural reasons". My mother was incensed. I had a bad reaction and an infection. I still have problems with th tissue in my ear now.

I think it's horrible and would never do it to my children.

midori1999 · 28/04/2013 18:11

I had mine done when I was about 4 years old, on my Grandmother's insistence. (My Mum was young when she had me and my Grandmother (her MIL) who she lived with basically bullied her regarding lots of things parenting and saw herself as my Mum) I have never worn earrings since I was old enough to decide for myself and don't wear any jewellery. I would rather I had been allowed to decide for myself, which is what I will be doing with my own DC.

My friend had her DD's ears pierced when she was 4 months old. They took her before that, but were told she wasn't old enough. I don't agree with it at all, but it's their decision. The DD is a toddler now and ever since she had her ears pierced I do a double take every time I notice them. It just looks really odd to me for a baby or child to have their ears pierced.

WafflyVersatile · 28/04/2013 18:24

I don't understand why a parent would forcefully inflict pain on their child for something that so entirely unnecessary.

However I suppose it doesn't cause any more long-term trauma or emotional damage than getting a vaccination and toddlers don't enjoy those too much either.

LittleFeileFooFoo · 28/04/2013 18:37

Cutting someone's hair without their consent is assault too. It doesn't matter that is grows back, it's still a crime to do to someone with out consent.

Do you cut your kid's hair? did they agree at 3? Did they tell you different and you cut it anyway? Do you think boys look bad with long hair, and would you cut your Ds's even if he told you he wanted it long and pretty?

furbaby · 28/04/2013 18:55

I saw a toddler in pushchair yesterday HE looked between 12 and 18 months and was sporting a gold stud in 1 ear !!!
Why oh why :(

Original poster
nellyjelly · 28/04/2013 18:55

The haircutting argument is bloody stupid and you know it. Totally misses the point.

OP posts:
LittleFeileFooFoo · 28/04/2013 18:59

I see, you must not like long hair on boys.

I was responding to folks saying it's assault and that's why it should be stopped. It isn't assault, just as cutting your child's hair isn't assault.

It's causing pain when there's no need to cause pain, and I would never do it.

ToysRLuv · 28/04/2013 19:02

Actually, by cutting very long hair shorter you could be saving a girl (or boy) from a lot of recurring pain. I always feel a a bit sad when my DN has her long hair detangled in the morning and pulled into braids or a bun. She winces and whimpers on most days. Much better to cut it short and save the pain for when she can do all of that for herself (that is, if she wants to).

ToysRLuv · 28/04/2013 19:05

But then again I'm of the feminist school of "there are ways to look pretty (should one want to, after all most of this is arbitrary/cultural) without pain/discomfort/being impractical".

catgirl1976 · 28/04/2013 19:05

Umm........you know cutting hair doesn't actually hurt right? Confused

MrBloomsBloomers · 28/04/2013 19:26

The haircutting argument would only work if cutting a child's hair caused them physical pain and scarred their body the same way ear piercing does. If you are going to make comparisons, at least choose something similar.

mikkii · 28/04/2013 19:32

My husband is half Spanish half Italian whilst I am English. I was very against our DD having her ears pierced, then, when in Spain with DD aged 5 months I saw how much it was expected for her ears to be pierced. I conceded, but insisted he make all the arrangements. He doesn't normally do things like this so I thought that would be the end of it. He took her to the pharmacy ( and they do use a gun in Spain too, even in quite rural areas), sat with her. The earlier poster who says the Spanish are used to doing this for young children is correct, they took loads of time, putting dots of pen on her ears until 3 of them agreed it as the right place for her. She is now 6 and has never had an infection. She isn't allowed earrings for school so taking in/out or tape isn't an issue for us.

DD2 was taken to Spain at 9 months and we planned to pierce hers, but the pharmacist said he couldn't get the best quality earrings and recommended we wait. We did this, but she was certainly more bothered by it, having hers at 22 months. Again, no infections although she reminds people about her ears when removing her tops.

I would not allow DS to have any as I don't like it for boys, although he ask when DD1 got hers done.....

MyTushTingles · 28/04/2013 19:33

Umlauf, what part of Spain are you in? We live in one of the major cities and the locals pierce their daughters ears. I think it's disgusting but have been told it's supposed to be a sign of wealth Hmm Although the chavs do like to hang gold blinging earrings off their babies, so for that reason I think the sign of wealth thing is dying out. Thankfully because the city is so multicultural it isn't the norm now and we see lots of little girls without ear piercings.

You child will not get bullied over not having their ears pierced, please don't feel pressure and do it because you think you have to.