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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a size 22 and happy with my body

236 replies

Lucyellensmum95 · 27/04/2013 21:58

I am a size 22 up top - blessed in the nork department and a size 18 on the bottom.

Sometimes i get irritated because i can't find clothes in my size that i like but when i look at my body in the mirror - i like it.

As i say, my top heaviness is due to an ample bosum, which is, for my age pretty firm still.

I have been slimmer, in fact i was a size 10 when i met DP - but that was 20 years ago. Then after i had DD 7 years ago, due to illness i was a size 12 again - miserable, i hated it, my breasts shrunk and i didn't feel like me.

I do have self esteem issues but not surrounding my body.

When i tell people i am happy being the size i am they make Hmm faces at me - i find this insulting.

I am pretty fit, i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the Hmm face pullers making Shock faces and declaring that they can't do that. I am extremely flexible and can touch the floor next to my toes wth the flats of my hands without bending my knees

I would be happy to be a size 18 on top and a size 16/14 down below but no slimmer, thanks. I would probably prefer that size but for no reasons other than health reasons - i eat a healthy diet but probably drink a little too much Wine I also have flabby thighs which need sorting out, but othe than that, when i look in the mirror, i like what i see.

I'm 5'2"

I am a very sexual person and i FEEL sexy and my DP certainly thinks i'm sexy.

As i say, i have self esteem issues but they are no way associated with my body imagine. I don't like my face so much.

AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body.

OP posts:
StuffezLaYoni · 28/04/2013 17:16

I am a 22 on top and have G cup breasts. I struggle to find decent tops as size 22 accommodates my boobs but bags around my tummy. A smaller size might fit comfortably on my tummy but stretch over my boobs, or just look obscene.
I think that's what she meant by being blessed in the nork department.

likeitorlumpit · 28/04/2013 17:22

when you lose weight the boobs are the first to go .

VelvetSpoon · 28/04/2013 17:29

That's not always true re boobs/weight loss. It depends where you store most fat I think, mine is mainly around stomach/hips/top of legs. When I lost 4.5 stone my bra size went from a 38 to a 36, but cup size (F) didn't change at all.

pumpkinsweetie · 28/04/2013 17:43

Yanbu if that is truly how you feel, infact I'm Envy as I'm a size 18 and quite recently realised how huge i am and i feel really crap about it Sad
My 7yo has even called me a fat cow when having a tantrum and that to me is a wake up call.

I can see why you would love being a size 22 if everything is in its right place and you are a nice shape overall whereas i am not. My legs are like trunks, my breasts are tiny for my size (C cup), my bum is big, my tummy overhangs and basically i don't feel i look good in anything.
Just recently found out im pregnant, so im going to research what diets i can go on that wont harm baby but will keep me the size i am. Thinking of trying slimming world as i managed to lose a good couple of stone on it many years ago.

Trying to focus on my little bean for now, as i had a miscarriage in feb and nothing is more important than my baby but at the same time i want to be healthy.

PumpkinPositive · 28/04/2013 17:44

I can believe that someone can be happy as a size 22

I can too, particularly someone who has dieted down from a size 40.

LEMisdisappointed · 28/04/2013 17:46

Wow - the responses go from head tilty to nasty - i think it makes my point quite nicely then!

Firstly - I said i was happy with my body shape - I made no indication that i think I am a healthy weight. For that reason and that reason ALONE I would consider losing weight. It has nothing to do with my OP whatsoever - so no, i don't need reminding that I am obese.

Whoever said, "aren't you bothered about taking up all that extra room on the bus???" REALLY???? As i explained, most of my size up top is due to my boobs - 38FF. My clothes size ranges from 18 for trousers, some jeans 16 and 16 for skirts. So no, thankyou very much i don't need extra room on the bus!! Hmm StuffezlaYoni thankyou - that is exactly what i mean - i tend to wear quite tight fitting tops because they show off my cleavage and don't flap around like a tent around my tummy.

As for what i weigh - i really wouldn't know

I don't like my thighs - they are flabby - urrgghhh, but i think they would be flabby if i were a size 12, a few weeks cycling will sort that out. So the people who talked about incendary thighs, yeah, you have a point. I don't wear skirts though because I am top heavy and i have never looked good in a skirt because of this, even at size ten.

Do i dread hot summers??? Errr, no, why would i? i go swimming in the sea in my cossie just like "normal" people - i hope it doesn't offend you

Interestingly, people, in the past have often made me feel shit about my weight - always women.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 28/04/2013 18:15

OP, I have to ask, what were you hoping to get out of this thread? You're a seasoned poster, you know what AIBU is all about. You must surely know that you were going to get quite a mixed response to your post?

WileyRoadRunner · 28/04/2013 18:16

Haven't read all the comments.

YANBU to be happy with your body shape. I am a size 8 but not happy with the way I look. I have awful self esteem issues despite apparently being pretty.

I would love to be happy with the way I look/my body shape as it pretty much rules my day to day life.

As for the health issue, well, my mum was active, fit, always ate healthily but got cancer and died 6 weeks after diagnosis at the age of 60. Therefore logically I can see why being overweight is a health risk, but nowadays I tend to veer towards being happy as more important.

Good luck to you.

StuffezLaYoni · 28/04/2013 18:42

Don't think it could have been put any better, wiley
Sorry to hear about your mum

LessMissAbs · 28/04/2013 18:48

To be honest OP, the fact that you posted about this at all makes me wonder if you are body dysmorphic and/or narcisstic. Your comments below, to pick just two, are rather telling:-

I don't like my thighs - they are flabby - a few weeks cycling will sort that out

Interestingly, people, in the past have often made me feel shit about my weight - always women

NorthernLurker · 28/04/2013 19:05

Wow - and the award for absurd conclusion drawn from nothing goes to lessmissabs.

Jewcy · 28/04/2013 19:09

I think we're ignoring the elephant in the room here...(no offence) Grin

StuffezLaYoni · 28/04/2013 19:12

Sorry, Jewcy, what is the elephant in the room? Or did you mean the OP? Because she's a larger woman?
How nice.

aurynne · 28/04/2013 20:58

This thread proves exactly what the OP was trying to prove... women are nasty and judgemental to other women. I am truly disgusted about the way we treat people who are overweight or obese. Look at all the vipers trying to put down the op... "she looks happy, let's pull her down to the gutter, where her fat ass belongs"... I hope you all are ashamed of yourselves.

Next time a single mum comes to the forum saying that her husband has left her and she has to raise 4 kids on her own but she is happy, will you charge all together to tell her she is deluding herself, and her children will be miserable and it is all her fault? Are you lot the kind of people to go to others (esp. women) in McDonald's and start ranting about why they shouldn't be there and how they are going to die young of a heart attack? Did you enjoy putting other girls down in the playground while in high school?

She said she was HAPPY being fat. And here you all go, telling her "well, yeah right, I am sure you're not happy, and even if you were, you are unhealthy and are going to die young". Well done, MumsNet.

Excuse me now, I'm going to be sick.

Unami · 28/04/2013 21:02

I completely agree, aurynne

I was especially shocked by the person who said "I don't believe anybody is happy being overweight ,you are just not unhappy enough about it to do something about it."

So,that's the problem with overweight people, they're just not unhappy enough... Nice

likeitorlumpit · 28/04/2013 21:14

aurynne the op contradicts herself thats why no one believes her.

dogsandcats · 28/04/2013 21:20

Was hoping this thread would end.

I dont think the op is going to be back anytime soon.
It would be nice [to her I think] if posts stopped.
Though no, I am not the thread police, so obviously it is up to an individual.

NorthernLurker · 28/04/2013 22:01

The OP does not contadict herself. She asked was she unreasonable to be irritated. She never said she thought she was perfect. She said she's happy and that's not believed and this thread bears her out.

likeitorlumpit · 28/04/2013 22:07

she said she was happy with her body then said she had flabby thighs that need sorting. contradictory in my book.

Jewcy · 28/04/2013 22:11

The entire post by the OP sounds desperate to me. In all honestly she - as with most people who are morbidly obese yet feel the need to express their 'delight' in their bodies - doth protesteth too much..

Floralnomad · 28/04/2013 22:14

Just to clarify unami it should have said bothered not unhappy ,which proves I should proof read my posts . I'm staggered that you are more shocked by what I said though than all the posters who said that fat people are a heart attack waiting to happen and that they obviously don't care about their children because they will leave them orphaned ! I would say that's infinitely more shocking but each to their own .

VelvetSpoon · 28/04/2013 22:24

Jewcy how unpleasantly patronising you sound. I doubt very much you are model thin yourself, but even if your body is (notionally) attractive, your personality certainly isn't judging by that post.

Unami · 28/04/2013 22:26

Ok Floral, you are right really, other posters saying that the OP didn't care about her children and so on is much harsher.

It did seem pretty odd to suggest that fat people aren't unhappy enough with their bodies. If you mean to say bothered than that makes more sense. I can see that a lot of people aren't just that bothered one way to another (and that doesn't count as unhappy or happy in my book)

In fact, I feel like a lot of venom (and confusion) is a result of the fact that we might all have different ideas of what it is to be unhappy with their bodies.

I disagree with likeit when they say that if you think you have flabby thighs that need sorting then you are unhappy with your body. There is a difference between recognising a problem, or something that you would like to change or improve, and being unhappy about it.

To me, being happy with your body doesn't necessarily mean believing that every aspect of your body is great, and getting a rush of delight every time you look in the mirror. To me, being happy with your body means - just being fairly happy with your body, maybe recognising that it's not the most amazing body in the world, but appreciating what's good about it, and not spending a lot of time thinking about/worrying about how you look.

Similarly, if someone said they were unhappy about their body, I would imagine that they spent a lot of time thinking about how they look, getting upset about it and dwelling on it - perhaps to the extent that it interfered with other aspects of their life.

But, really, "being happy with" and "being unhappy with" can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Jewcy · 28/04/2013 22:31

I'm fit, me.

Jewcy · 28/04/2013 22:35

I am struggling to see how someone can be happy with their body when they don't fit comfortably into aeroplane seats, they spill over onto the next seat on a bus or train and would seriously keel over if they had to sprint for a bus. To say you have 'great norks' as a size 22 is, quite, simply, disingenuous.

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