To be a size 22 and happy with my body

[Lucyellensmum95]

I am a size 22 up top - blessed in the nork department and a size 18 on the bottom.

Sometimes i get irritated because i can't find clothes in my size that i like but when i look at my body in the mirror - i like it.

As i say, my top heaviness is due to an ample bosum, which is, for my age pretty firm still.

I have been slimmer, in fact i was a size 10 when i met DP - but that was 20 years ago. Then after i had DD 7 years ago, due to illness i was a size 12 again - miserable, i hated it, my breasts shrunk and i didn't feel like me.

I do have self esteem issues but not surrounding my body.

When i tell people i am happy being the size i am they make faces at me - i find this insulting.

I am pretty fit, i walk for miles and cycle distances that make the face pullers making faces and declaring that they can't do that. I am extremely flexible and can touch the floor next to my toes wth the flats of my hands without bending my knees

I would be happy to be a size 18 on top and a size 16/14 down below but no slimmer, thanks. I would probably prefer that size but for no reasons other than health reasons - i eat a healthy diet but probably drink a little too much I also have flabby thighs which need sorting out, but othe than that, when i look in the mirror, i like what i see.

I'm 5'2"

I am a very sexual person and i FEEL sexy and my DP certainly thinks i'm sexy.

As i say, i have self esteem issues but they are no way associated with my body imagine. I don't like my face so much.

AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body.

[YoniRanger]

Did OP state her weight? Because size/ weight ratios can be misleading.

I am a size 12-14,5'5 and 12st6.

I don't look obese but I am, apparently.

I would like to be a size 10-12 but I would still be over 11st.

BMI charts are funny things.

[Ashoething]

I also love the assumption on here that thin equals healthy My sister is a size 8 and favours the light up another fag if you are hungry diet. She smokes 30 a day,drinks even more than me and doesn't exercise a jot! Yet because she is a size 8 you would all assume she is healthier than me at a size 16. My arse she is!

[Ashoething]

Bmi charts are a load of bollocks and don't take build or genetics into account. They are not the gospel despite what many posters on here would have you believe.

[WinterWinds]

I do believe that larger people can be happy with their body/size/weight but have found that people trying to justify it usually aren't 100% happy.

As LtEveDallas stated in her post, she doesn't know what she weighs or what her BMI is and I do believe she is genuinely happy as she is not getting hung up on what other people think and she isn't trying to justify what she does or doesn't eat (Good on you LED!!)

"In fact I don't eat that much at all"

This is the statement that stands out for me. Quite often you will hear this from an overweight person. So it is hard for someone else looking in to comprehend. If you don't really eat that much, then how are you the size you are and maintaining that weight with very little to eat?
You cant blame people for questioning it

In fact my DH (who is trying to lose some weight) is like this. The amount of times he has said I haven't eaten anything since breakfast or I have hardly eaten anything at all today, then he will reel off a list of what he has actually eaten, is far more than what registers in his head. Then he wonders why the weight isn't coming off.

If you are genuinely happy OP, then good for you. But why are you trying to justify it?

[kjrv81]

If you are happy then that is all that counts.

I am a size 22 well sort of in between sizes as I have just lost a stone and absolutely hate my body. I feel so much fitter when I'm thinner, have more confidence sitting round a pool. I hate chaffing legs in the summer, there are no advantages to being big for me what so ever.

Ideally I would love to be a size 14, but I have always been on the larger size so would be happy to settle for a 16.

[ExcuseTypos]

I can believe that someone can be happy as a size 22.

However everyone I've every known who was on the large side (including my DH) and have lost weight, then say they are happier with their new weight.

[hackmum]

Wondering why you told us your size rather than your weight, OP?

[Mumsyblouse]

That's nonsense, Yoni. There is lots of evidence based on lots of people.

First one I could think of off the top of my head this morning:

jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=200731

36000 people in 3 cohort studies
Increased death rates for those groups with BMI35


It is far from clear that being slightly overweight (e.g.a stone or so ) is harmful for your health. This evidence shows that people who are very thin or very obese are at the most risk.

In the case of breast cancer and other female cancers, being slightly overweight seems to be somewhat protective, although eating a poor diet is a bad thing in general in relation to cancer, so if you don't eat fibre/roughage.

It's much more complex than: a bit overweigh= destined for early death.


Being extremely obese for sure increases your risk of death.

Most old ladies, the long-livers, are slightly overweight, even my gran who is 90, is a tiny bit podgy round the middle although extremely normal looking by most people's standards. The nurse she went to see for her BP measure suggested she try to lose half a kilo. I laughed at this ridiculousness, a lot of health professionals have a very poor understanding of how healthy lifestyles contribute to longevity and telling a 90 year old not to have a biscuit with their coffee just exemplifies it.

I am not saying this to make myself feel better, I am overweight in a not worrying from a health perspective way, but I would still love to be thinner from a looks point of view and to fit in all my old clothes.

But some of the judgement of overweight people on here is misguided, most people who have a bit of a tummy won't be dropping dead in their 50's from a heart attack, and plenty of thinner people also have heart attacks, you are by no means immune if your BMI is in the normal range whatsoever.

[specialsubject]

you don't give your weight and dress sizes aren't exact, but you do sound almost wider than you are tall.

there's a difference between a bit flabby in places and extremely obese.

happy is good. Risking health is not. It would be wiser to drink less booze and look at what you are eating.

[dickiedavisthunderthighs]

I'm 5'4 and a size 16 - and I know I look a lot bigger than taller people who are the same dress size. Unfortunately the shorter you are the more every single extra lb shows up. It's very rude of people to pull faces when you say you're happy, but I suspect that you do look very big thanks to your height and not everyone will understand that you are OK with that.

[tazzle]

I think that if you say there are still aspects of your body you would like to change... that are within your control to do so... then you are still not yet truly happy. Maybe you will be happy when you get to a weight or dress that society / medicine decrees is still fat or health threatening but that to you looks and feels good. If you then don't weigh yourself or look at the size of the clothes but just find what fits.... then you will probably be truly happy with your body.

What I find frustrating about " facts " about eating /diets/health risks is that much of it is opinion (not individuals necessarily but medical often ) and is changeable and can often be disputed scientifically or be not suited for some people.

The official nhs dietary advice for example. It is now disputed that a low fat diet is necessarily the "healthiest " as many low fat products are high in sugars and carbs. I followed a low fat diet when trying to lose weight and found it incredibly difficult to do so. I rarely ate anything fried, ate wholemeal cereals/ bread/pasta, ate my five a day of fruit and veg and things like crisps, cake and chocolate were indeed treats not part of my everyday diet

After finding out some family medical history I tested my blood sugar levels and found they were high !!! Since then altered diet by looking far more at carb levels and although calorific level stayed much the same I have lost over 2.5 stone. Testing my bg told me that the "healthy" recommended level of carbohydrates would actually push me to be properly diabetic and be even more obese. There are loads of scientific studies now to dispute/ redefine what us healthy.

It may not be quite as simple either that overweight people as so because they "eat unhealthily" (no dispute that we eat too many calories on an individual basis or that some very overweight peple...like some thinner people. ..eat way too much junk) but to generalise that its a simple and generally accepted fact that one will lose weight on an undefined healthy diet might be simplistic.

As has been pointed out disease is nkt just caused by being overweight. .. my dm was obsessed by weight through supposed fear of heart disease so was slim all her life...yet smoked even when diagnosed with it !!!! She just died of it. I am older than she was when diagnosed and have perfect blood pressure and heart...maybe because I have exercised more and not ever smoked...dunno, go figure.lol

[Jewcy]

I will still be pretty when I am a size 12 and I am still pretty when I am a size 18.

Peppercorn, at what size would you suggest that fat becomes decidedly un-pretty?

[awkwardsis]

There are some people who are genuinely pretty being fat though, dawn French is always the name that gets bandied about. Very pretty. But when I was a size 20 I looked like a very grey potato. Very few lucky people will be pretty whatever their size I think. I personally now know that when I lose sight of my collarbone and jawline it's time to lose a few pounds. Literally for me now 2 or 3 pounds makes a difference to how I look.

[Jewcy]

...see, I am not going to be the one to tell you, OP, that you don't have an admirable rack or that your husband does not love your body, but can I ask you whether you dread hot summers? How do you look on a beach? Do your thighs chaff painfully when you walk distances? Are you comfortable taking up all that room on an aeroplane/bus/train?

I'm not trying to be mean; I really would like to know how you view the downsides to being so fat.

[squeakytoy]

"I would be very surprised if the OP's BMI was anywhere near 35"

I would be amazed if it was under 35.

Mine was around 35 when I was at my largest which was 13 stone and the same height as the OP but wearing 16/18 clothes.

My bmi is still probably much higher than it should be, but my blood pressure is perfect and I am healthy, so I am not going to worry about being a bit overweight.

For anyone who says that there are no health problems caused by being overweight, that is such nonsense. Carrying too much weight affects your joints, puts strain on your heart, and increases the risk of many other illnesses too. Maybe not when you are under 40, but certainly as you get older.

[DinoSnores]

mumsyblouse, you have (deliberately?) not quoted my whole post. Indeed you seem to be arguing with me about things we agree on, so I can only guess that you didn't quite understand it.

I said:

"Increased death rates for those groups with BMI35 [i.e the very thin and the very overweight]

Yes, 'obese' (as defined by BMI) people can be healthy, but as a group, death rates are higher at a younger age. (By the time you are over 70, being underweight is more dangerous than being normal or overweight interestingly.)"

You have gone for the classic MN understanding of statistics though. "Oh, but young thin people can have heart attacks, so that's all nonsense."

Everyone has a risk of a heart attack, but being male, overweight, older, having high cholesterol etc all puts that risk up.

Being obese DOES increase the risk. It doesn't guarantee an early death, just as being a young slim female doesn't guarantee not having a heart attack.

Statistics speak to populations, not to individuals, but as we can't predict the future very reliably, we've got to base risk on those known to increase risk in similar populations.

[VelvetSpoon]

BMI isn't a good indicator though. When I lost weight and was a size 12-14 I was still within the obese range on BMI. Despite people saying I looked fab and not to lose any more weight.

I honestly do think that being happy with yourself, whatever your size is the most important thing. And it sounds as though the OP is. I have lost count of the number of friends I have who are not particularly overweight yet won't wear a short skirt, or a sleeveless top or whatever, because they are convinced they look disgusting, or that they are 'too fat' for certain clothes, or whatever. I wish they felt better about themselves.

[DinoSnores]

As for ashoething saying, "Bmi charts are a load of bollocks and don't take build or genetics into account. They are not the gospel despite what many posters on here would have you believe."

Again, there is a misunderstanding of statistics here.

No one suggests they are gospel, but they are descriptions of POPULATIONS. You are just throwing the baby out with the bathwater because of a very few exceptions.

We all know the tale of the rugby player who is obese by BMI calculation, but that doesn't mean that BMI charts "are a load of bollocks". They also don't account for different genetic populations, so people of SE Asian descent have a lower target BMI range.

It is useful though for making POPULATION based guidelines about what appears to be a healthy weight in populations. (Part of the problem is that we as a society now have a skewed view of what is a normal weight and size, both at the very thin range as we can see in the media but also at the overweight end, when people can't accurately assess their own or their children's weight.)

Take measuring the height of children as they grow. Some people are just genetically very short, there's nothing wrong with them. Some people, however, are very short because of medical problems that might require medical intervention.

Just because some people are naturally very short, it doesn't mean that measuring height is entirely useless. It is one measurement, one part of the puzzle, based on POPULATION data that allows assessment of an INDIVIDUAL.

[NorthernLurker]

The OP asked 'AIBU to be irritated when people clearly don't believe that someone of my size is happy with their body' and the answer is absolutely yanbu because people don't believe this. This thread is full of disbelieving people and every single one of them is invested in the myth which dominates our society, that thin is good and fat is bad.

[DontmindifIdo]

As i said earlier, you can be happy with your body but it not be a healthy size - I wasn't healthy at 5'0" and a size 00 even though I looked great, I'm healthy at size 6-8, although pre-pregnancy I was borderline 8-10 and looked like I was carrying excess weight - the OP is only 2" taller, but a lot larger.

Extreames of thin and fat both might be found attractive by the person who's body it is and by their DPs, but that doesn't make them healthy. At size 22 and short, the OP isn't just a couple of kgs overweight, but must be very large for her frame. That doesn't mean she doesn't look good, ooze confidence and be very sexy (sexiness doesn't have anything to do with body shape IMO anyway), but that doesn't change the fact it's unlikely she's healthy.

[Branleuse]

its not about being good or bad.

If someone came on here and said how happy they are with their BMI of 15 and how theyre really happy like that, then people wouldnt be "YOU GO GIRL" either

Its one thing being quite sure theyre happy with their aesthetics. Its another thing to assume that just because someone is happy being morbidly obese, that its actually safe or healthy.

[DontmindifIdo]

BTW - you will find that if you are at either end of thin or fat, people notice more what you eat and how much of it, if you walk or drive places, thin people also feel the judgement. I certainly had what i ate or left scrutinised when I was very thin, I found it harder to turn down a slice of cake or some biscuits without people giving me a look like "aha, you're starving yourself" irrispective if I'd just eaten a full roast dinner - I find myself doing it with thin friends now, I notice more when they say "no thanks" to a biscuit than average sized friends.

Similarly, when a thin person does have a second helping of cake, they get comments about where do they put it, others will speculate that they are about to go off and throw it up.

It you are outside of the norm, people will judge and make assumptions about your mental health.

[plinkyplonks]

NorthernLurker - The OP's expressed doubt themselves... and if they were truly happy, why post on AIBU? Best of luck to OP whatever they decide.

[Unami]

I don't think the OP was looking for advice on whether or not to lose weight, or expressing doubt about her own attitude to her body.

I think she wanted to know exactly what she asked - if she was being unreasonable to be irritated by the fact that people don't believe that she is happy with her body.

And I think it is irritating when people don't believe you! Especially if their judgement on whether or not what you are saying is true is based on how they would feel if you were in your shoes.

People are all different, and we all feel differently about our bodies and our health. Mind you, if people can't genuinely imagine that you might have different opinions and feelings to them, then I guess there's no point in getting irritated by that. I guess you just have to accept that some people won't believe you, OP. Kind of annoying though.

[ItsYonliMe]

You sound like you are trying too hard to convince us (and you) that you are happy being fat. Don't know what being able to touch the ground with your flats of your hands proves apart from that you have long arms .

Why do you think size 22 is being "blessed in the nork dept"?