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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp eating Dd's lunch

144 replies

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 13:33

Dp always does this before Dd has had a chance to eat.

Today we got home at lunch, 19 month Dd is ready for a nap and hungry. Cue me rushing around cooking some spag bol. pasta for her lunch whilst 'D'p sits reading the paper. Dd is too tired to eat so I put her down for her nap. Meanwhile Dp has eaten all of Dd's lunch, which she would have eaten after her nap.

Now my question is what self respecting adult eats their child's food before they've had a chance to eat?! I'm sick and tired of telling him to give her a chance to eat before he eats her food. And it's not like we don't have any other food in the house either. It drives me absolutely nuts!

OP posts:

mrspaddy · 27/04/2013 19:30

YANBU .. oh my god.. he has issues. Very selfish man.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/04/2013 19:56

how is he with dressing her, say in winter or summer?

would he remember to feed her at lunch?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 27/04/2013 20:44

Yanbu

He sounds fucking bizarre. Why is he so weird?

Original poster

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 20:45

mrsterry I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that matter. I d

OP posts:

DumSpiroSpero · 27/04/2013 21:00

I'm with Bearbehind on this - if you've already reheated it once, you shouldn't be doing it a second time.

My DH is a chef and would have a major conniption if I did that!

Generally though, if he does it a lot that is odd and probably worth having a word about.

Original poster

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 21:08

mrsterry I think we'll have to agree to disagree on that matter. I do not force feed dd. But I do expect her to eat at least half of what I have served up. If she doesn't. No sweat, I take it away. She eats a variety of food and has done since weaned and I strongly disagree that my attitude to her finishing her tea will cause her harm in the future. And as someone else has said, it doesn't make her hungry for breakfast. It means she'll wake for some milk at 2/3am.

I was considering showing Dp this thread. The selfishness really gets me down. I was brought up to be very generous and certainly I would have thought the needs of a child would come above your own.

His family do not have issues with food. He's always had plenty and never gone without. He just has trouble with knowing when he's had enough. I do think its down to laziness. And I think jealousy is also an issue, he commented on the fact Dd takes up a lot if my attention. Yes Dd has her own plates etc. I shouldn't have to label things I don't live in student digs after all.

blackeyed he won't be in sole charge for a whole day. He would not think to feed Dd unless i specifically asked. But as i said Dd is far more vocal now than she was 6 mnths ago obviously, she would go to the kitchen and point to whatever it is she wanted etc.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/04/2013 21:19

There is nothing wrong with reheating something a third time? I have done it frequently, my mum has done it our whole lives. I have NEVER had food poisoning, neither have my children or my parents or siblings.

OP - YANBU. Your P sounds like a poor excuse for a father.

FoxyRoxy · 27/04/2013 21:46

Actually if she made it yesterday then she's cooked it once and reheated it once. So a second nuking would be reheating it twice, not 3 times. I'm pretty sure I've cooked something, frozen it, warmed it through on the hob and then had to put it in the microwave as its gone cold when I've seen to the baby and I've never had food poisoning.

FoxyRoxy · 27/04/2013 21:47

Obviously defrosted it before heating it up before anyone says anything!

butterflyexperience · 27/04/2013 21:48

Yanbu

My dad would do something similar and he could never understand why it would piss me off

Alconleigh · 27/04/2013 21:51

He wouldn't feed his child unless you asked? Does he have learning difficulties?

StuntGirl · 27/04/2013 21:53

I wasn't suggesting you label them. I'm sure the fact they are peppa pig or whatever makes it obvious enough they belong to your daughter.

Your partner sounds childish and petty. He "won't" be in charge of his own child? He "won't" feed her? He won't cook? What does he do?

seriouscakeeater · 27/04/2013 21:56

^^ yes comments like this really help

cees · 27/04/2013 21:57

How the hell would your dp 'forget' to feed his own child, what is wrong with him?

Show him this thread, to 'MrGluttony' stop being such a pig and think of your child first like most normal loving parents would do.

DumSpiroSpero · 27/04/2013 21:58

Tbh Ali & Foxy I probably would reheat more than once too but I know DH would not be impressed. He has kittens if I put half a tin of beans in the fridge without decanting them into a bowl and covering them in cling film first !

OP it sounds like there are much bigger issues with your DH than him finishing your DD's no-so-leftovers.

wonderingagain · 27/04/2013 22:00

And I think jealousy is also an issue, he commented on the fact Dd takes up a lot if my attention. I think we have a red flag, or at least a dusky pink one.

Are there any other things he does like this that show he is jealous or indifferent to her?

Alconleigh · 27/04/2013 22:00

I was trying to find a reason an adult could be quite that useless. Honestly though, there sounds to be very little point to having someone this catastrophically selfish and inept in your life.

wonderingagain · 27/04/2013 22:07

Ignoring your own child is a huge no-no. I sense that he has a big big problem and ignoring his daughter's needs is the thin end of the wedge of abuse.

Either that or he still thinks he's 14 in which case he should go home to his Mummy and get her to cook for him.

ChasedByBees · 27/04/2013 22:08

He sounds really weird. That kind of selfishness would make me lose all respect for him tbh.

therewearethen · 27/04/2013 22:09

Gosh I couldn't imagine having to tell DP to feed our DCs!

Original poster

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 22:15

He is a good dad, he loves Dd. My major bug bear is that he has not adjusted to the fact that we have dd. She's 19 nearly 20 months. But still he struggles with the very basics. Cannot plan ahead. When I say can you get Dd's bag ready, were leaving in 10 mins. He struggles. I have to be the parent whilst he seems to just observe.

No he doesn't have learning difficulties. He had a management job with a FTSE 100 company FFS. He is very capable to the point where I think he puts on this stupidity. The "I don't know how to do such and such" is merely an act. So that he does as little as possible. I am beginning to think that I want a partner rather than an adult child.

OP posts:

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 27/04/2013 22:20

Love is an action - meeting her needs is a basic part of love.

What was his reason for not giving her breakfast? Eating her food is poor impulse control, maybe, but forgetting to feed her altogether when he is eating is bizarre.

BriansBrain · 27/04/2013 22:20

I think it is very sad you have a partner that can't be trusted to care for his own child properly.

Why doesn't he feed her in the morning? The only reason I wake up is to feed the DC and the same goes for DH when he is here.

coppertop · 27/04/2013 22:25

How can he be a good dad when he doesn't even give his own child food unless told to?

wonderingagain · 27/04/2013 22:27

Is he ever indifferent towards you or is it that this is about DD? You can love someone but be a crap partner or parent. Have you talked about this with him, been very clear with him about what you expect?

Many men do the useless 'don't know how' thing, and some women find it easier to just get on with it themselves and leave them to change the lightbulbs and take out the bins. If that makes life easier would you want to do that?

What I'm asking is whether your acceptance of his uselessness would simply mean he gets more useless or whether you taking on everything would spur him into some other form of support?

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