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AIBU?

Dp eating Dd's lunch

144 replies

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 13:33

Dp always does this before Dd has had a chance to eat.

Today we got home at lunch, 19 month Dd is ready for a nap and hungry. Cue me rushing around cooking some spag bol. pasta for her lunch whilst 'D'p sits reading the paper. Dd is too tired to eat so I put her down for her nap. Meanwhile Dp has eaten all of Dd's lunch, which she would have eaten after her nap.

Now my question is what self respecting adult eats their child's food before they've had a chance to eat?! I'm sick and tired of telling him to give her a chance to eat before he eats her food. And it's not like we don't have any other food in the house either. It drives me absolutely nuts!

OP posts:

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CSIJanner · 27/04/2013 14:51

YABU about reheating for the 3rd time but then am pretty hot on food hygiene.

YANBU over his taking food before her. Tomorrow, cook up a nice steak sandwich or something. Make him salivate and then snatch it out of his reach to feed to DD, whilst giving him beans on toast.

That will teach him to clear her plate of food when she's awake and eating.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2013 14:52

He can't have his dinner then stop when full. He eats till he's uncomfortable. That's why you teach children to eat to their appetite. Not encourage them to finish.

Gruntfuttock · 27/04/2013 14:54

You must've asked him why he gets his own breakfast but not your DD's. What does he say?

SolomanDaisy · 27/04/2013 14:56

Not giving her breakfast is bloody weird. Is he just lazy?

ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable · 27/04/2013 14:58

mrsterry when you have a toddler that has a mouthful of food then says they've finished. Or when you have a toddler that wakes up at 2/3am hungry. You would think differently.

Anyway thanks all for your views.

OP posts:

kotinka · 27/04/2013 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finola1step · 27/04/2013 15:00

I think there are much bigger issues here OP than snacking on a bit of spag Bol. It is extremely bizarre that he would get up with her and do "the breakfast shift" have breakfast himself and not ensure that his own child has eaten. It sort of goes against the laws of nature.

I think in that scenario, most parents would see to their children before seeing to themselves. In our house, my dd often likes to wait about half an hour before having breakfast (just like my husband) where as ds and I are usually hungry as soon as we get up. Even so, I always make sure the children have enough before having something to eat myself. I know that there are many parents that go without food to make sure there is enough for their children.

It looks like its time for a very serious conversation with your DP

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/04/2013 15:01

I can't believe this. He is letting his own greed and hunger and selfishness take priority over the needs of his child

Where will this stop? Not taking her on outings because he's tired? not letting her have friends over because of the mess? Not helping her with her homework because he CBA? Not letting her practice the piano because of the noise?? (I'm kind of speaking from experience here )

What would happen OP if he had her for the whole day? Would he just let her starve?

theghostinthewashingmachine · 27/04/2013 15:10

Sounds like he has problems, but possibly with food more than with yr DD. How does he treat her otherwise?

YANBU though.

StuntGirl · 27/04/2013 15:28

YANBU. You need to talk to him about this OP because it's weird behaviour. He makes himself breakfast but not his own child? I don't have any children, hell, I don't even like children, yet I would always attend to the needs of a child before sorting myself out.

Does your daughter have her own plates etc? I would make it abundantly clear he is not to touch anything on your daughter's plates.

I would also look into changing your arrangements, if he has to go to the effort of occasionally cooking he might think twice about stealing someone elses food.

ZZZenagain · 27/04/2013 15:33

that is weird. I assume he knew you were preparing it for the dc and not for him.

ZZZenagain · 27/04/2013 15:34

it is odd behaviour if he does this often, as your OP indicates. Is he jealous of the dc maybe?

Shinigami · 27/04/2013 15:36

Is he selfish in other ways? His behavior is very strange IMO, almost lacking in empathy IFYSWIM.

QuintessentialOHara · 27/04/2013 15:37

Well, he is a greedy pig that begrudges his baby food, and is so jealous that you have cooked for her and not him that he will scoff the lot to show you that NEXT time, you cook for him too.

Why dont you offer to reheat some jars of baby food for him, or buy them especially and tell him these are for him, that he can just open and eat when he fancies.

AmberLeaf · 27/04/2013 15:47

Knowing she was both tired and hungry, I think you should have given her something quicker tbh.

I don't think it's unreasonable to encourage a toddler to finish her tea

When they stop eating, they have finished!

All you are teaching them to do by cleaning their plate, is to eat on when your body tells you it has had enough.

If she wakes hungry in the night, she will eat more at breakfast etc.

You couldn't have reheated it a 3rd time, so he wasn't wrong to eat it IMO.

Don't get the not giving her breakfast thing from him, thats off.

I think you are BOTH being unreasonable.

Im guessing someone is about to diagnose autism though, so Im off.

Tenacity · 27/04/2013 16:06

Your DP has some issues. Where are his parental instincts?

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2013 16:10

I have a toddler ImIBeingTotalyUnreasonable, sometimes she eats one mouthful, sometimes none, she is frequently up at bloody early o'clock all hours. She has a very healthy attitude to food. Eats when she is hungry, very healthy food. It's mostly luck but I won't mess with the eater I got. I don't clear away when she is finished. She can wait until we all are. Sometimes she eats more, sometimes not. I had to talk to DH about "just one more mouthful". I hate that.

The breakfast thing is weird.

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 27/04/2013 16:13

Oh, with the breakfast issue as well it sounds like he has food issues. Perhaps his eating too much now is related to not getting enough as a child?

Basically meddling at all is bad news, so trying to limit toddlers OR make them finish are both damaging to their ability to self-regulate.

You shouldn't try to get her to finish. He shouldn't eat her food or get his breakfast but not hers.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 27/04/2013 16:29

YANBU

he is being a selfish twat. I would spell it out to him that it is absolutely not acceptable, and as for not giving her any breakfast?! There is no way I'd look at my DH in the same way if he let our children go hungry so he could eat

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 27/04/2013 16:36

He doesn't give her breakfast?

Has he explained why not?

Smellslikecatspee · 27/04/2013 17:32

WTF?

Sorry, I don't have kids but surely a basic politeness is that you feed others first?

I really can't get my head around a adult that would feed themselves and not offer to others when in a home environment.

So a 'father' that would make himself breakfast and not feed his child just blows my mind.

My OH grew up in a part of the world where you did feed the adults first as if they couldn't work every one would starve. But we don't live there, and I'm assuming you don't either.

This is just plain and simple selfish.

YoniRanger · 27/04/2013 18:40

He is a twat.

He is not alone though, I frequently have to defend DDs food from the in laws because she eats slowly, they are like vultures.

Horrible manners

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seriouscakeeater · 27/04/2013 19:21

If she wakes hungry in the night, she will eat more at breakfast etc hhm no, she will want to be fed..in the middle of the night..at 2/3 in the morning as they will be hungry

As for letting them eat what ever amount they want..nope not for me. My DD (18)was all ways expected to eat the majority of her meals. They wasn't pile high, enough for some her age. She has a very wide an eclectic taste and is very healthy and doesn't over eat. DD2 will be encouraged to do the same.

My niece and nephew are nightmares... 10/12 are complete food wasters. If we go out for a meal they will order or pick out (if we go for a buffet) piles of food and leave it. It infuriates me. They graze all day on shit.

Any way back to OP, YABNU. Well done you for making proper food! Dh sounds like a lazy greedy git though! Id eat his bloody meal before he got to it and see how he feels.

My dh, when we first met, went on holiday with some friends and while we were eating lunch, reached over picked up some thing of my plate with his fingers, took a bite, said it tasted horrible and chucked it back on my plate! I told him to never fucking do that again and stood up and left the table. He never did.

Whorulestheroost · 27/04/2013 19:27

My mil does this. We visit her and go out for lunch, she says she isn't hungry and will wait until later to eat. The then proceeds to have Mr Tickle type arms and pinches the dcs food whilst they are still eating. It drives me nuts.

The other week we went out for a curry with her and dfil I asked if they wanted a naan bread and they said no they didn't eat it. Naan bread arrives and so do the Mr Tickle arms breaking big chunks of the nann bread off - I nearly slapped her fingers with my knife!

MortifiedAdams · 27/04/2013 19:27

OP, could tommyou suggest DH reads this thread?

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