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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this couple were silly be abroad for the birth of their son

107 replies

Coolingwood · 27/04/2013 12:35

A couple I know - acquaintances, more than friends - planned to be on holiday in a distant country for the birth of their son. Their son has been born and requires medical attention and they have no insurance - and have started a fundraiser online - Am I being unreasonable to think that was a really, really silly decision?

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 27/04/2013 13:38

but to put it in context they may have had 9 months of people urging them to "trust birth", to the point where if one can feel like if you are planning for less anything less than steller outcomes you are not "trusting birth" enough, which is something of an invitation for birth to pay you back and bite you on the bum

Fortunately for me, this is one of the areas of life in which I first became confident enough to think say "fuck off" to people pressuring me to follow their stark naked bollocks in the Ritz dining hall bonkers recommendations!

CarpeVinum · 27/04/2013 13:40

OP, do they have nothing tout up for a secured loan? Is there anyway anybody back home could help arrage that with a bank?

Preferably for more than they are asking, cos infection could mean anything, septicemia is an infection. The two weeks could end up being longer with more intervention needed. Newborns can be tricky.

Have they contacted the nearest consulate ? I don't kow if they could do anything practical, but you never know if there are unspoken agreements that go on and at least they may be able to advice them to some degree.

OutragedFromLeeds · 27/04/2013 13:41

YANBU of course they were idiots. Thinking that is the reaction of normal, rational person and doesn't make you a bad friend. Obviously they, and more impprtantly the baby need help now. Once it's all over and the baby is back safely I think they could probably do with being told that what they did was massively stupid (if they haven't realised already, which if they're as stupid as they sound they might not have done).

Original poster
Coolingwood · 27/04/2013 13:42

I'm not a really a close friend, and I'm sure they have people closer to them who can help with banks, consulates, etc. I hope they do sort it out

OP posts:
MummytoKatie · 27/04/2013 13:45

Might be totally stereotyping here but someone who goes to the Carribean to give birth on a yoga retreat and doesn't get medical insurance may not be the type to overly worry about how to get a passport for the baby!

For the person who said "what are the odds of something going wrong"? Well quite high presumably. I think the natural maternal mortality rate in birth is in the region of 10% and that doesn't even cover the baby.

And from what the Op has said this is just an infection that requires a couple of weeks in hospital. Not a terribly rare one in a million type complication.

I feel sorry for them but I feel a lot more sorry for the baby.

Andcake · 27/04/2013 13:46

Poor baby - silly naive parents who probably have had an easy life and didn't consider that bad things could happen to them. Ths has probably taught them a valuable less but must be so stressful.

AugustaProdworthy · 27/04/2013 13:49

Erm... Yoga retreat in Caribbean sounds expensive... Seems an unusual decision to go so far away when near term.

verytellytubby · 27/04/2013 13:52

If they can afford to take time off work, give birth in a yoga retreat in the Caribbean, I'm sure they have the funds for a 2 week hospital stay.

Sounds very suss to me. I'd love to see the fundraising link.

ShellyBoobs · 27/04/2013 14:04

A friend of mine went in holiday and got ill and found out her insurance didn't cover as much as she thought and got stung. It could happen to anyone.

No, it could only happen to someone thick enough to not check what cover the policy offered.

Insurance isn't a game of luck, you know. Funnily enough, policy documents tell you what you're covered for and to what value. Not reading it is stupid not unlucky.

Madmum24 · 27/04/2013 14:05

I hope the baby is fine after treatment. The parents made a very poor decision in my opinion. There are plenty of "alternative" places in the UK to give birth.

HenrySugar · 27/04/2013 14:15

Of course they should have had insurance. If you have a family policy, a new baby is added as soon as it's born. We found that out when dc3 was born overseas and we received 2 bills for the excess on the insurance - one for me and one for baby Confused

Bit late for all that now though - no insurance company will go near them if the child is already sick. They will have to cough up.

I say this a lot, living overseas, but we are so lucky with the NHS.

SignoraStronza · 27/04/2013 14:19

Hmm LaFata Other than rich friend in Milan who hired a private mw and got her straightforward home birth, I don't know anyone at all who's had a positive birth experience in an Italian hospital (I still have flashbacks). Cleanliness and technically (for the eventual section -fine. Bedside manner, compassion, modernity and pain relief severely lacking (as in zero). Didn't have a private gynae or the ability to proffer €600 cash in an envelope to pre-book an anaesthetist for an epidural though. Perhaps could have been different?

Back to the op. Yes, I agree it was abloody stupid idea, but hope they manage to get the treatment needed for the baby.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/04/2013 14:30

YANBU, like others have said if they can afford to not be at work and pay for a long term holiday then they can either afford insurance or the care bills.

If they cant, then they need to look at borrowing the money. Fumdraising to pay for it seems terribly wrong. The situation is of their own making.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 27/04/2013 14:34

YANBU
What a stupid thing to do.

DeepRedBetty · 27/04/2013 14:54

I've got limited funds available for charitable giving. A pair of idiots come considerably further down my list than clean water for children in developing countries, mosquito nets, and education for girls in countries where it is not yet the norm.

CarpeVinum · 27/04/2013 15:06

I don't know anyone at all who's had a positive birth experience in an Italian hospital (I still have flashbacks)

Seconded.

And they wonder why there are so many onlies over here.

Ds is nearly 13. And I still habour ill will.

phantomnamechanger · 27/04/2013 15:32

They were silly and irresponsible and sound like the sort who never think anything bad can happen to THEM. There have been enough of these stories in the media recently for anyone who does not get insurance to rightly be branded a fool. Why is it not compulsory??

If they can afford such a long posh holiday they should have been able to afford adequate insurance, and can probably afford /raise the money themselves somehow for the treatment too but are playing the "poor us" card to get donations - maybe there is more to this than we know.....

GrowSomeCress · 27/04/2013 15:35

I can't believe they didn't have insurance, insanity Shock

andubelievedthat · 27/04/2013 15:38

All that talk re raising money ,selling the family home etc , what tosh ,one call to the Daily Fail newsdesk and before you can say"here ,just sign this" all will be taken care off ,as the enquiring British public lap up a good human interest story, esp. one involving hippy trippy silly people and a new born in a supposedly exotic location, whilst paper gets to cover story over a say initially 10 week period >i can imagine the front page as i type.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 27/04/2013 16:51

If they can afford a yoga retreat in the Caribbean then they can do without the £1 I can afford to donate to them in their 'hour of need'.

PatPig · 27/04/2013 17:48

Yoga retreat is an actual thing?

Send them a slap.

nooka · 27/04/2013 18:05

I've a very 'wooish' friend who might well go on retreats of this nature (not heavily pregnant I think as she is also a nurse so I hope more sensible). Some of the organisations that organise this sort of thing are very intense, almost cult like, so I'd wonder if the couple were over encouraged to assume everything would go just fine because of the natural powers of yoga/ashram etc.

I'd also not assume that this was an expensive holiday. It might well have cost them an arm and a leg but it might actually be very spartan (I'm thinking some people might be imagining a spa type set up).

Sadly people often don't think through the potential consequences of their actions and have contingency plans in place. I suspect that whilst the details of this scenario might be unusual there are many similar situations of people getting stuck because they didn't think things through.

GreenLeafTea · 28/04/2013 00:24

Didn't Angelina Jolie do the whole 'travel abroad to give birth' thing?

HellonHeels · 28/04/2013 00:34

All I'm thinking about this is that it's not really appropriate to post so much detail that presumably makes them easily identifiable.

BonaDea · 28/04/2013 00:40

Yanbu and are being unfairly slated. Sounds like very silly behaviour!!