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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this couple were silly be abroad for the birth of their son

107 replies

Coolingwood · 27/04/2013 12:35

A couple I know - acquaintances, more than friends - planned to be on holiday in a distant country for the birth of their son. Their son has been born and requires medical attention and they have no insurance - and have started a fundraiser online - Am I being unreasonable to think that was a really, really silly decision?

OP posts:

5madthings · 27/04/2013 13:12

Surely if the baby needs to travel urgently there are ways and means of getting this okayed without getting a passport is for emergency medical care etc?

Maybe they didn't realize their insurance woulsdnt cover them, so many policies have get out clauses etc.

Hope baby is OK anyway.

Mamafratelli · 27/04/2013 13:12

Because they were on holiday. They probably planned to stay a couple of weeks after the birth. They wouldn't have got a passport in time. I think they took unnecessary risk and didnt think through the consequences

DolomitesDonkey · 27/04/2013 13:12

Stop fear-mongering mama . As a mother of 2 children with British passports issues abroad you're talking utter rot.

Mamafratelli · 27/04/2013 13:14

I have a son with a British passport issued abroad, I was simply saying that they obviously hadn't thought it through. It is easy to get a passport if you are near an embassy, much harder if you are not and certainly not instant.

DolomitesDonkey · 27/04/2013 13:15

5mad as I have already stated, an emergency travel document can and will be issued on the day by the consulate. It is not a passport. However, a consulate can issue a passport - even if they say they don't. My tip: be nice to consulate staff and turn on your cut-glass accent.

diddl · 27/04/2013 13:15

I thought that it wasn't recommended to fly until after post natal check up at 6wks also?

Would they have even been able to get insurance?

Bearbehind · 27/04/2013 13:17

The OP said they have no insurance, that is very different to having a policy which doesn't cover the specific situation they find themselves in.

Medical care is not free in most countries so why on earth would they have ever thought this was a sensible idea.

They are the ones that have knowingly and avoidably put their child's health in jeopardy.

bran · 27/04/2013 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamafratelli · 27/04/2013 13:18

Obviously there would need to be a consulate on the island they are on dolomites we were a two hour flight from our nearest consulate.

MissLurkalot · 27/04/2013 13:19

Yup, majorly silly decision... They seriously need their heads looking at! I can't believe family and friends didn't knock some sense into them!
Sorry to hear their baby's unwell though... But, what a pair of numpties!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 27/04/2013 13:19

It does seem that the yoga retreat could have been clearer about insurance etc - they must need something specialist to cover newborns and people spending 3 months in the country.

5madthings · 27/04/2013 13:20

Well maybe they looked into it and planned on staying till the passport came through or on getting an emergency travel document, who knows I just don't think its particularly nice to start a thread purely to judge/bitch about new parents who are dealing with a difficult situation.

We have no idea if they took out insurance which is now refusing to pay out or what the complications are etc.

Seems a bit mean to judge when we don't know the circumstances and its been a bit of a drip feed by the op IMO.

Original poster

Coolingwood · 27/04/2013 13:21

I don't know the full details, and yes I am judging them, but I think they're bloody stupid

OP posts:

thistlelicker · 27/04/2013 13:21

This has actually infuriated me! Social services need a look!

CabbageLeaves · 27/04/2013 13:23

YANBU. It was irresponsible. Very

Flojobunny · 27/04/2013 13:24

Why are so many people judging this couple. They chose to go abroad and have their baby at a retreat that presumably deals with childbirth all the time and something went wrong. What were the chances? Would you all be this judgemental if it was a home birth in this country? Is everyone who has a home birth an idiot too? Or is it the fact they hadn't factored in how much money they'd need? Does anyone actually do that anyway?
A friend of mine went in holiday and got ill and found out her insurance didn't cover as much as she thought and got stung. It could happen to anyone.
I personally wouldnt fly while pregnant at all. But many people do.

Bearbehind · 27/04/2013 13:24

I thought that thistle. For example if a parent was too pissed to take their injured child to hospital, there would be uproar however I fail to see how this is different. These parents have deliberately put themselves in a situation where they are unable to provide their child with the medical care it needs.

trixymalixy · 27/04/2013 13:25

I feel sorry for them, but if you can afford to be at a Caribbean yoga retreat for months then you can afford appropriate insurance.

thistlelicker · 27/04/2013 13:28

As parents of a unborn or a toddler or a teenager there is a duty of care! It appears no consideration was made for baby, even if they did want to have baby there, how did they propose to pay for it? People in this country who come to have babies are hit with a bill, they are seen by appropriate people who will sort out fees and payment and if they don't pay they don't get to come back. And to be fair a home birth is a bit different to popping off to another country is it not???

thistlelicker · 27/04/2013 13:30

Op. what is actually wrong with baby? What's the funds for! I'm sorry baby is unwell but their stupidity means other people have to help them out!

CarpeVinum · 27/04/2013 13:31

Was it a planned free birth or home birth with "lay" spiritual midwife in a super fabby "all natural" eco enviroment ?

If so, YANBU to be hacked off with them, but to put it in context they may have had 9 months of people urging them to "trust birth", to the point where if one can feel like if you are planning for less anything less than steller outcomes you are not "trusting birth" enough, which is something of an invitation for birth to pay you back and bite you on the bum.

I'm not saying it is a good idea, but it can help a bit getting past the "why, just WHY didn't you think about potential downsides happening and plan for them?" bit when you see it from what might be their lens.

Hope the baby gets the help needed.

cantspel · 27/04/2013 13:31

Anyone who thinks a Caribbean yoga retreat is a ideal place to give birth is probably not the sort to put to much though into the process of then getting the child a passport to bring them back to the uk.

They probably dont have insurance as no one would cover them.

Original poster

Coolingwood · 27/04/2013 13:32

My understanding is the baby has an infection, and therefore they need to pay for up to two weeks of hospital treatment

OP posts:

thistlelicker · 27/04/2013 13:34

I hope this retreat thingy whadyamacall it are helping them out! Not only do they need funds for baby but also for them to stay there with them!

FoxyRoxy · 27/04/2013 13:36

If there is a consulate nearby then an emergency "passport" can be issued within 24 hours. Passports aren't really the issue here.

I don't think yabu for thinking your friends are idiots but that won't help matters now and I suspect that at this moment they probably think they are stupid twats themselves. I hope their son is ok and will be on the mend soon.

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