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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go on a sex strike

88 replies

SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 08:15

Last night, over a drunken meal with chums, dh stated that The Scent of a Wooooman is "the worst smell in the entire world" and that he hates oral sex.

AIBU to go on a sex strike? I was really annoyed at the time as it feel as though every time he has deigned, its just been out of a sense of duty. And obvy, now i feel like a smelly hobag to boot. Plus we've been married for years, so any comment about that area feels like a dig at me!

Unfortunately ive married the arse, so think i might follow FA guidelines and just stick him on a ban.

OP posts:
FrumpyPumpy · 24/04/2013 08:17

Insensutive arse. It's obviously not that bad if he's ventured there on several occasions. In our league this would be a findable offence, rather than a ban.

FrumpyPumpy · 24/04/2013 08:18

Insensitive

Fineable

CocacolaMum · 24/04/2013 08:18

I would have been fucking mortified by a comment like that. I was coming here to point out that sex should not be used or taken away as a powerplay but fuck him, or rather DON'T. Arsehole!!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/04/2013 08:19

Dear God I thought sex was something adults did.

FrumpyPumpy · 24/04/2013 08:20

Have you spoken up him about it with both of you sober?

How about over dinner. Oysters?

FrumpyPumpy · 24/04/2013 08:21

(sorry don't mean to be flippant I would also be completely mortified and pissed off).

headlesslambrini · 24/04/2013 08:21

well, it would depend on how long you can go without sex. If it's long, then I would suggest that he hasn't been doing it right all these years, and I might point this out to him the next time I am drunk

unfortunately he is an arse.

AThingInYourLife · 24/04/2013 08:24

What a vile bastard.

He basically told a table full of your friends that you smell disgusting and he doesn't like to perform oral sex on you.

How humiliating.

I wouldn't be having sex with him again.

But nor would I be choosing a life of celibacy.

Original poster
SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 08:26

What sorta man hates that scent? What a wierdo he is.

Explains why he's not that bothered about foreplay although if im honest, neither am I. We both love getting on with it.

But i cant really see myself enjoying it any tume soon because now i feel self conscious and embarrassed.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 24/04/2013 08:27

Bet he's happy enough to have it performed on him, though.

BadgersNadgers · 24/04/2013 08:28

You got drunk on a Tusday night? Well done!

He's a nobber. I think if my husband told his friends that he didn't like the smell of my fanny I'd shove prawns up his nose and staple it shut.

Original poster
SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 08:30

It was only my best mate and her husband and he was told off big time. hes all sheepish now....im not embarrassed in front of my mates as i am in front of him.

Ive just had our second baby a few weeks ago, so not feeling full of confidence right now. Doesnt help

OP posts:
WaynettaSlobsLover · 24/04/2013 08:31

That's an amazingly immature thing for him to say. Takes me back to the schooldays when pathetic little boys used to say how girls smelled like fish Hmm

Your husband is an arse. And he should know mens penises don't smell of lilies themselves.

Original poster
SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 08:32

Btw, he was making a sweeping statement, he wasnt aiming it at me. I hate giving oral sex and rarely bother...i just woukdnt ever say it, even to him. Especially not to him.

OP posts:
YoniBottsBumgina · 24/04/2013 08:36

Holy Shit, a few weeks after giving birth? What was he thinking??

AThingInYourLife · 24/04/2013 09:04

Of course he was aiming it at you.

You're his sexual partner.

His nasty remarks were both generally misogynist and clearly based on his experiences with you.

I bet your friend really pities you now being married to a shithead like him.

It's hard to overstate how low my opinion would sink of a man who made comments like that in the circumstances you describe.

AThingInYourLife · 24/04/2013 09:05

Well tell him now that you don't give him head because his dick stinks and it makes you want to vomit.

Original poster
SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 09:09

Im not an androgynist because I hate oral sex. I just dont like any aspect of it. So, hes not a misogynist because he feels the same.

But he is a cack handed insensitive oaf.

OP posts:
hairtearing · 24/04/2013 09:19

Nether regions stink like a bitch sometimes, even if you wash I've noticed some brands soap can sometimes make an even worse smell so even that's a factor, sex smell is particularly nice is it? I'm sure we've all been in situations with DP's where at the end of a long day you've delved into the origins and though phwoar it's not a particularly nice area to be in.

However, you are totally right to be upset, the fact he said that in front of a table full of people,Is humiliating I would be livid.How did the others react?

imour · 24/04/2013 09:20

cocacolamum that made me really laugh , and was spot on .

kukeslala · 24/04/2013 09:27

God I had to join, just to respond to this!

OP talk to your partner about what he said and how that made you feel, I too would be furious, if a conversation like that happened in the group setting you describe. I talk to my friends about things and my husband, but wouldn't be so open in conversation with a best friends husband there.

However only you know in your relationship and friendships what as a couple you talk about and what you dont. Im assuming the conversation was around sex, and he didn't just randomly say it.
Maybe he just got carried away, he made a mistake? Drunk a bit too much and got carried away? None of that makes the comment right- but you need to talk to see how you feel about his response.

If he doesn't like oral sex, he shouldn't feel obliged to provide, all the time women are being told, to only participate in what they feel happy doing, that should be the same for men!

If this is the case and you still like sucking his cock, carry on, you shouldn't not do this just because he may not reciprocate, we all like different things and a mutual relationship should ensure all are happy.

The comment that he a misogynist, based purely on the comment above and without knowing anything else- I mean WTF???

If you currently dont want sex as his comment has hurt you and you dont feel the connection currently- dont have sex. But to with hold sex to prove some kind of point. Is in my opinion a little childish.

Im aware of man people that dont like the sent, that doesn't make him crazy. Some would get on with it, as its not that bad, some dont want too.

TALK!
Talk about how it made you feel.
Talk about how you were feeling before the comment.
Talk about why he has never said this before.
TALK< TALK< TALK!

kukeslala · 24/04/2013 09:31

And then??

OP had also said he was performing on her.

OP might think he stinks, she just didn't say that around a room full of people.
I dont think its who likes or dislikes what that matters, its the environment and timing of what was said.

Anyway what does it matter, we all like different things, as long as all are satisfied, and all are happy, it doesn't matter if one person performs oral and one doesn't like it!

Original poster
SkinnyLove · 24/04/2013 09:32

Im not witholding to make a point. I feel really hurt. And already feel revolting as im 13 stone post pregnancy with a csection scar across my belly. Hes just made me feel revolting.

As we do and can talk. We are really considerate of eachother. I know he got carried away but these things cant be unsaid or undone.

OP posts:
kukeslala · 24/04/2013 09:36

I dont understand this comment.

Sexual acts are such an intimate thing, how do you not feel you can say what you do and dont like to the person you are with?
How can you be really enjoying sex, feel safe and comfortable if you cant even say you dont really like giving head?

kukeslala · 24/04/2013 09:42

I can understand this, make sure you talk about it all not just the comment (also about how you feel right now).

Though sometimes coming and asking a question like this on the internet, is not helpful, as because of the very nature you have lots of people who all have their own views, agendas and thoughts. They also only have a snippet of what your talking about without all the background knowledge of your relationship etc.
If you are feeling particularly low, this could be damaging.

Take care.