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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think grandparents should just go and buy presents and not ask me what to get?!

40 replies

flowerpowergirl · 22/04/2013 22:29

Sorry in advance, this is a rant. I am fed up of having to think of our own presents for our DC AND having to also tell everyone else what to get. Why can't they just go out and buy something? Would it be the end of the world if my DD got 2 of the same? We'd just take one back. Or recycle it. And its not like they don't even have a clue - they have been provided with a list prepared by my DD AND there is a wish list on Amazon. so why am I being plagued with calls??!! Angry Angry

Thanks, I feel much better now Wink

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 22/04/2013 22:36

They want to buy things that are appreciated rather than rejected or returned for something bigger and better. They are being kind. YABU.

ThePinkOcelot · 22/04/2013 22:37

Maybe because they have no idea what your DC have and have not got, so have no idea what to buy?!
My MIL does this too, and it is simply because she doesn't know what I'm buying them and doesn't want to duplicate. She also doesn't know what they have already.

OlyRoller · 22/04/2013 22:37

Go easy in them. They just want to get it right.

OlyRoller · 22/04/2013 22:38

On them. Ahem.

Katienana · 22/04/2013 22:39

Yabu it's better than being given shit presents.

NoelHeadbands · 22/04/2013 22:39

They want to buy something that will be appreciated, not duplicated, not inappropriate and enjoyed.

The awkward bastards.

lilolilmanchester · 22/04/2013 22:40

sorry, but you sound really ungrateful TBH

cjel · 22/04/2013 22:40

I get told what to buy all my Dgs and even told they will pick it up for me because they like to make sure that their Dcs have the selection they want. And they tell other family members. then I read that they had a list from dd and a wish list on amazon. Couldn't you just tell them something off the list? Do you have to think about that?I do think that as we never had much money it wasn't a case o f having two but a case of us all being able to chip in and provide the best. I do think you are being unreasonable because if you find it such a chore to think of a few gifts for your own children how do you expect the grandparents to buy when they don't know them like you do. How much effort is it for you? How many DCs do you have? In our family it is normal to ask parents or even for them to tell us. Sorry!!

TunipTheVegedude · 22/04/2013 22:41

LOL. MIL used to ask us to buy them and wrap them as well.
To be fair, she was always punctilious about paying, but this was when we were both working and were cash-rich and time-poor (whereas she was time-flipping-loaded).

I think tbh it's a pain in the neck but it is your job as a parent to provide guidance.

Sirzy · 22/04/2013 22:41

Grandparents can't win can they. How often do we see threads complaining that they haven't asked what to buy, or they have got the wrong thing/too much/too little and now they are in the wrong for wanting suggestions of what to get!

Original poster
flowerpowergirl · 22/04/2013 22:41

I know I know you are right but they have a list and I have honestly had at least 3 calls from each of them I don't remember them ever doing this before and they've been grandparents for more than a decade! I of course won't say anything cos I know they just want to get it right Smile

OP posts:
georgedawes · 22/04/2013 22:42

Yabu and sound ungrateful tbh. What's wrong with wanting to get a gift they would like? It's not a real problem is it?

MrsOakenshield · 22/04/2013 22:43

I think they just really really want to get it right, and make sure that no-one else has bought or is planning to buy something from the list. It's a drag though, DD's birthday is right before Christmas and having to suggest both Christmas and birthday presents is taxing, to say the least!

PoppyWearer · 22/04/2013 22:43

YABU, I tried this but now we have a house that is bulging-at-the-seams with toys and have to give the grandparents some direction.

I basically have to tell them what to buy. Something small (in size and price) and then, if they wish, a contribution to savings.

PILs in particular as they spend lots of time with SIL's DCs and tend to assume mine like the same stuff - they don't, far from it. Given that they spend £100 per birthday, the possibility of ending up with some godawful/huge toy is quite high.

CSIJanner · 22/04/2013 22:43

Make an amazon wish list as and when you see what your LO enjoys and direct them to that. Simples!

imour · 22/04/2013 22:43

people ask so ive been told because if your child opened it and already had it they would look so disappointed , vouchers and money are a bit boring for younger kids , my family check to see if ive bought from the list , it is annoying though trying to think of things to buy them yourself and sort presents for the others to buy , its even worse when they say you get something you think they will like and ill give you the money , how do you do the angry faces :)

ScrambledSmegs · 22/04/2013 22:45

Actually, I'm with you on this OP. You've provided a list from your DD and a wishlist which has links to the gifts. All they need to do is click and buy.

So why exactly do my parents people insist on calling up and prevaricating for ages about which precise present they're going to get?

It's made worse by the fact that not only do they do this with me for DH, DC's and me, but they do it about Every. Bloody. Person. in the entire family.

I should print business cards.

cjel · 22/04/2013 22:45

Thats the trouble - its the panic of grandparents who don't want to get inappropriate gifts and then be seen as no good as grandparents, Don't forget that as we get older it also takes us more hassle to do things and we might seem time rich but things do take us longer to do, and we deserve being able to do things at our own pace - we've been where you are and did all that working and rushing about raising you lot!!:)

LoganMummy · 22/04/2013 22:46

Sorry but I do think YABU.

I would love one set of GPs to ask, I'd be more than happy to go out and buy presents and give them to GPs to be wrapped.

cjel · 22/04/2013 22:47

Flower just wanted to add that I also think you are allowed to rant when stressed and as grandparents we are also used to you ranting about us:)

ScrambledSmegs · 22/04/2013 22:49

As rants go it's pretty mild.

AuntLucyInPeru · 22/04/2013 22:52

Looks like GPs can't win! I hate it when ours get 'inspired' and buy age-inappropriate/ massive/ duplicated presents, so I always direct them to a list..

usualsuspect · 22/04/2013 22:56

I'm a grandparent and I still work and rush about.

Op,they just want to get it right.They are being thoughtful really. So YABU.

TunipTheVegedude · 22/04/2013 22:58

Things have gone better in our family since we successfully communicated to MIL that the best gift she can give her grandchildren is her time. Our kids frankly have far too many toys already; they have nowhere to put them, they get broken and not treated well or appreciated. Hence they just cause stress all round. When she was a child it was wartime and there were very few toys, but things are very different now.
But for her to take the time to have long phone conversations with dd and really listen to her going on about her issues with friendships or whatever - that is appreciated by everyone. But she wouldn't have known that if we hadn't told her.
It's worth thinking this through, OP. If you are not feeling terribly grateful for the toys, there might be a good reason for that. But you have gps who want to do something for their grandchildren, so maybe think more out-of-the-box about what they can do?

CSIJanner · 22/04/2013 23:00

Sorry -just reread you do have a amazon wish list. YANBU.

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