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HELP! Police at my door - apparently I have committed an offence.........

650 replies

TheAccused · 20/04/2013 16:20

Police just came as they have received a complaint against me.

Yesterday afternoon I nip to Tesco after school pick up. No P&C spaces so I park further down in a row of which is almost all empty spaces. I have a large 7 seater (4 DC) and get fed up of people parking so close that I can't get the toddler into his car seat without a struggle, so I park a quarter way over the next space hoping no one will park in that space as there are plenty more empty spaces next to it. I rush round, get a call from DD as she has forgotten her keys and is waiting outside the front door at home, so go quicker, get outside and find some BUFFOON has parked in the space I have parked over, so close that I can only just about get the door open on the toddler's side. The next space was empty!

As a see this, I hold my hands up and say to the DC, 'For gods sake, why did this idiot have to park so close' not seeing that there is a teenage boy sat in the car. I was not actually talking TO him at that point.

Conversation then goes something like this:
Boy shouts out 'my dad parked it not me'. I say something like, 'well you should tell him that I parked like this so I could get my child in car, now I can't, he could have parked further along'. He says' you should'nt have parked over the line'. I tell him I can park where I like, there's no law against it. He says 'well we can park where we like as well'. I tell him it would be common decency for his father to make sure the next car can open their doors. As I am in a rush, I try to squeeze DS through the door, hitting his head in the process. He starts crying. The boy in the next car laughs. I take the trolley back muttering 'tosser' to myself and give him an evil stare as I drive off furious at myself for not parking in the middle of 2 spaces and for even having a dialogue with the boy.

So police just came and said I had committed a public disorder offence as I was 'shouting, screaming and swearing' at the boy which has left him very shaken as he suffers from anxiety. The boy wants a written apology from me and if I do that, it will not go any further. Otherwise I will have be interviewed and give a written statement.

I have said that I am not apologising as I have not committed any offence and the boy was mouthing back to me very confidently and did definitely not look anxious to me! I do actually suffer from anxiety and depression and this has completely knocked me for 6.

The police will call me to arrange an interview next week. I can't believe it. I am pretty sure I did not even raise my voice. There was no one else about except my DCs and they are adamant I did not shout or swear (I have even started doubting myself). I am going back to the store on Monday to request the CCTV footage but they are not sure if anything will show up in the car park and it probably won't have picked up my voice anyway to prove I was not shouting.

I cannot understand how the police can tell me that if I write an apology, they will drop it, when they have no proof that I did anything. They were making out I was guilty Angry. Does this constitute a public disorder offence? I was just about to go out with the DCs to park before the police came. I am frozen with fear now.

OP posts:
prophylaxis · 21/04/2013 18:30

Upshot was the manager had me in the office to calm down while he called the police. It was on CCTV but the police would NOT get involved as it took place on private land!!

They were fobbing you off, crime takes place on private land all the time (eg murder), that's not a valid reason to not investigate a crime.

they said it was illegal to tape someone.

That's also total rubbish, how else would programmes like 'dispatches' get made?

everlong · 21/04/2013 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorryIsUpduffed · 21/04/2013 18:40

From the OP it sounds like the boy was quite restrained. Since he is too young to drive, the subtleties of parking difficulties will be unknown to him, so if he laughed at the toddler's distress it was more likely a "ha ha, she got so worked up talking to me she bumped the baby's head" ie laughing at OP, not toddler.

OP is right not to write the apology in case doing so admits fault, but seek legal advice if (very unlikely) anything proceeds.

And maybe next time reflect that hundreds of MNers thought she was BU, and one of them might be in the vicinity next time. Knowing how other people think is very useful even if you do think they're wrong.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/04/2013 18:41

YY Salmo that last line was very telling

HorryIsUpduffed · 21/04/2013 18:42

It is generally illegal to tape someone without their knowledge. That is, such evidence is certainly inadmissible in court in most instances.

GiveMumABreak · 21/04/2013 18:55

I'm with Enlightened, this will sap the energy right out of you. Write the letter, get this out of your life ASAP. Concentrate your energies on your family. Be the bigger person, Chalk it up to experience, and maybe next time (gentle suggestion) don't park over two spaces? All the best x

evansthebread · 21/04/2013 18:55

Proph - I thought that, too. I must be one of those people who the police won't take seriously. I'm not one of those "squeaky wheel" types, unfortunately. My ex-neighbour is known for causing hassle over her children - she's careful who she picks on, though. If she thinks she can get away with it she'll scream "abuse" long and loud.

I think all the locals (and the teachers at the three schools she's already pulled them from) know her and avoid the kids. The "toughies" around here, though, she doesn't complain about/to as even she knows she's gonna get short shrift with them.

Since my complaint, I've found out that she has called the police on 8 other families for "abusing" her kids. I totally ignored them from get go as I'd heard of their history (wish I'd never even offered a friendly hello to her now!). The "abuse" apparently ranged from telling them to stop throwing stones at their cars to being sent home for destroying other childrens' toys, to being shouted at by another parent in the playground for kicking a toddler. I don't consider that as abuse. Abuse is the constant swearing and screaming at them til 1am. I'm still tempted to call NSPCC even though she's left and I no longer have to listen to it half the night.

To the other poster who said I don't think OP was abusive - it's hard to tell what the abuse was - if she was just muttering and the teenager was gobby back, well, that's normal behaviour for 90% of the kids around here. She's lucky the teen didn't get out and key her car after she left. If she'd done that around here, she'd have had slashed tyres as well. Teens around here for the most part are feared and/or avoided.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2013 18:57

what is in the fucking glovebox

QuintessentialOHara · 21/04/2013 18:59

I bet it is a secret weapon of Superglue.

maddening · 21/04/2013 19:01

Well going from arguing with childre to actually vandalising property (where you are equally in the wrong due to your bad parking) really will mean that you end up in court - just think how irrational this is -if this is due to your anxiety then maybe think about coping strategies and also not taking your dc out in the car - you might get yourself in a bad situation with your attitude so having the dc there with you when you are vandalising cars is not wise

giveitago · 21/04/2013 19:09

"The other family are the troublemakers, if the teenager was gobby enough to take on the OP I doubt very much he was genuinely intimidated.
The teenager has learnt a great lesson here about manipulating the authorities."

Ha Ha - in response to her crappy parking and HER gobby behaviour.

How the heck do you expect our young citizens to grow up to respect people if the grown ups around them don't show them how. Sounds like the OP was gobby for no reason at all so the teenager was given the opportunity to do the same. And in this situation, if it were my teenager, I'd be mighty proud of him.

I don't want my ds to answer back. However, if he's confronted by a gobby and entitled person who insults their parent for parking NORMALLY to their young child (young child sucking up their parents' entitlement), I'd be very happy for my child to answer back because it would highlight to me (at least) that ds knows right from wrong. Horribly WRONG -to show young kids your sense of entitlement.

Sad police were called but seems that OP has been caught out not by her parking but her gobby behaviour.

giveitago · 21/04/2013 19:19

"Please,make a complaint,by all means,but don't unleash your anger at the way you have been treated in this instance on the next unwitting 'poor parker' you come across."

But in this case the OP is the poor parker.

BeerTricksPotter · 21/04/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/04/2013 19:30

There was a chap on the next street from us who used to smear dog excrement on the door handles of any cars who parked in front of his house ( no parking restrictions so perfectly legal to park there) The police soon sorted his vile behaviour.

Salmotrutta · 21/04/2013 19:31
Shock
Moominsarehippos · 21/04/2013 20:00

Dog poo on the handles eh...? I wonder if that would work for the neighbour whose dogs shit all over the pavement every day and he pretends not to notice.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 21/04/2013 20:44

I wouldn't advise it Moomin

HorryIsUpduffed · 21/04/2013 20:46

I'm guessing toothpaste. Gross but harmless.

MrsBungle · 21/04/2013 20:59

Next time someone blocks me from opening my doors, they shall have a nasty shock when they grab the handle to open theirs! I have a special something in my glove box for that purpose

Yep, the OP sounds very reasonable. I cannot imagine for a minute that she was anything other than polite to the boy in the car. The OP has denied throughout the thread that she is aggressive. With statement's like this - who could possibly think she is aggressive? or unhinged

Salmotrutta · 21/04/2013 21:01

I've got it! I think I know what she has in her glove box!

It'll be one of those comedy electric shock buzzers.

evansthebread · 21/04/2013 21:05

Ew, dog poo on the handle?! Bad enough when I parked outside a pub one night and someone had puked all over the driver side door. AND I couldn't get in any other way as I'd parked right up alongside a wall!!

eastegg · 21/04/2013 21:25

Disclaimer: I haven't read the whole thread as it's massive so someone may have beaten me to this, but the alleged offence the police will have in mind will almost certainly be s.5 of the Public Order Act 1986 using threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour within the sight or hearing of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby. Whatever exactly happened, sounds like the boy's allegation would amount to this so the people saying you haven't done anything wrong are missing the point. On his account, you may well have committed an offence so police investigate.

They have the power to pass the case to CPS to consider prosecution. By saying they won't if you apologise all they are really saying is that they won't take it further if boy doesn't want to and he won't want to if you apologise.

I would just apologise. We apologise all the time for things that are not criminal offences don't we, so you're not admitting anything major.

lisbethsopposite · 21/04/2013 21:25

Ok. Now I feel foolish. It was the picture of the DCs and their mum 'frozen with fear' that had me. I supported you accused but I was wrong. You are planning to take some very benign future situation and ramp it up to vandalism. Hmm
Everyone who parks near to you may not actually be making a point, they may not even notice...
To me YADBU and a little bonkers - if you are for real.

Guitargirl · 21/04/2013 21:34

OP - I really hope you are not for real because if you are then you are absolutely bonkers and in need of help. I have a mental image of you twitching in Sainsburys car park today. Bless you.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/04/2013 21:42

If this is real, you have to feel sorry for which poor bastard parks next to the OP.

Any perceived slight is going to end up with something nasty smeared on their door handles.