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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to bed fed?

113 replies

changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 09:05

We live in Asia. DD(3) had a nasty accident last night. She broke her wrist and elbow, and needed wire putting in both, under GA.

Doc saw her this morning, couldn't discharge as he hadn't seen the X-rays taken before he came to tell if surgery went well. It is 4pm here, he still hasn't come back. Spoke to nurse, who first said to expect him at2, now 7. Discharge after that usually takes 2-48!! Hours, because they won't discharge until the insurance has gone through.

I have been given nothing to eat or drink since we arrived, at 5 pm yesterday. DH came for a bit pre surgery last night and also this morning. Last night was too much of a stress/ rush for food for me to be a priority. He came this morning with some coffee and a sandwich from the cafe (which only sells sandwiches, and horrible ones at that).

Dd is 3 and freaked out. I can't leave her but I am so hungry! DD also hungry, her lunch arrived (kids meal) covered in chilli sauce, and they wouldn't replace. DH coming back soon once the baby is awake, and will bring food but , well, AIBU to think the hospital (private) should give me ksomething, and replace DD's lunch?

Also no sleep last night, as only chair provided, which is fine but in conjunction with no food I am getting pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 17:38

And I was there 27 hours not 8

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 17/04/2013 17:41

Well I don't think YABU, especially about DD's food.
It all sounds awful, and I hope you both feel better soon.

NUFC69 · 17/04/2013 17:53

So sorry to hear this has happened to you, Op, - I hope your DD calms down soon and you can all get some sleep.

I think people have had differing experiences with food and hospitals. I had a gall bladder operation last year, was discharged and then two days later was in all sorts of pain and discomfort. DH and I went back to A & E as instructed by the ward sister, was seen within fifteen minutes, and then was monitored for two or three hours until I was sorted out (all this in a room in A & E). After a while, though, the nurse practitioner asked me if I would like a sandwich (yes, by then), and how about DH. Ten minutes later she came back with sandwiches and tea for us both - we were very impressed.

I hope your DD recovers well.

minibmw2010 · 17/04/2013 18:08

You asked a question on AIBU, the general response was very sympathetic to you and your DD but that it wasn't the job of the nurses to feed you. All perfectly reasonable so please don't get snitty just because you got some answers you dont like. It's the risk of an Internet forum.

Helltotheno · 17/04/2013 19:35

for taking your snide comment the wrong way.

This is AIBU OP. Tea and sympathy forum --->

By the way
DH is more than capable, but she wants me.
Rod for your own back, I say rod for your own back...

diddl · 17/04/2013 19:38

I think people are sympathetic-it's all been a shock & a tough time for you, OP.

But re expecting to be fed-YABU!

diddl · 17/04/2013 19:40

I must admit I'm not getting why a sleeping baby prevented husband visiting/bringing food.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 17/04/2013 19:41

Well I would expect to be fed. What's the hospital? Every Asian hospital I have been in with DD has fed me.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 17/04/2013 19:42

Oh and YANBU. I have been where you are so to speak and it's grim.

Sympathies. X

BegoniaBampot · 17/04/2013 19:54

minibmw and helltotheno - all so droll and funny and put the boot in. the op has just spent many hours worried, emotional, exhausted and hungry by her childs bedside. it might be AIBU but your lack of compassion or at least understanding that the op is probably at the end of her tether is quite shitty. but anything for a laugh or a comeback.

minibmw2010 · 17/04/2013 20:42

Oh give over !! So because I'm critical of OP's responses I'm being smart ?? I was pointing out that yes she was being unreasonable. Answering the OP's question, what with this being AIBU !!!

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/04/2013 20:42

The op has already said that he had to take the baby home and the hospital is to far away to keep going back and forth.

This may be alien to you but some people live on areas where the nearest hospital could be several hours away and given that hospitals tend to be full of sick contagious people I can compleatly understand why you wouldn't want to have a young baby in one if that baby did not need to be there.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 17/04/2013 20:42

I agree with minibmw and crashdoll - pretty much everyone here has offered sympathy re your predicament. Given that this is AIBU, you have to expect questions and people picking your outline of events apart - that's just how it is!

Yes, it's rubbish that you weren't fed and that the sauce on your daughter's fish was too spicy, but the main thing is she's fine, you're fine and the operation was a success. Perhaps the focus in the hospital you were at was on the medical side of things, not hospitality, which given the choice, I'd say was a good thing.

BegoniaBampot · 17/04/2013 20:45

some things come up in AIBU where it's obvious the OP needs a little support and sympathy. just because it AIBU you don't have to pick, pick, pick unless you are a wanker.

crashdoll · 17/04/2013 20:48

I don't think this is a picky thread though. People said she was BU but they weren't nasty with it.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 17/04/2013 20:52

Agreed ^

ArabellaBeaumaris · 17/04/2013 20:53

just wanted to reassure you, OP, that I broke my arm very badly as a child - I have a 6 inch scar still from where they had to wire it together again - & I healed very quickly & suffered no long term affects. Sadly the metal detector doesn't go off at airports either. DD will be fine, & totally over it in a few days.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 17/04/2013 21:00

I work on a children's ward and we are not allowed to feed parents. This has been the same on other wards I've worked on. We have a kitchen where parents can make tea and coffee and get biscuits. If they want food they have to go to the canteen or shop or get food brought in from family. We can't feed one parent, we would have to feed them all.

The children get a choice of food. YANBU to want food that your DD can eat but YABU to want to be fed yourself.

StuntGirl · 17/04/2013 21:08

"People said she was BU but they weren't nasty with it."

This.

She asked if she was BU, she was, but people were pretty much all sympathetic and caring. It's probably just easier to take it out on us than the hospital staff. The OP has been a little unreasonable but she was stressed, tired, scared and hungry. She'll look back on this later and realise.

I hope your daughter is doing better now she's at home, and I'm glad she's ok.

Helltotheno · 17/04/2013 21:16

Sorry OP, I was mean :(

I wouldn't expect to be fed in a hospital if I was with a patient, unless extenuating, but there were plenty who said they would so there's no right or wrong.

Also, and I might as well apologise in advance again before I say this, if your DH is capable, let him look after your child... alone. She might get upset at first through pure force of habit but she'll get over it. He's her Dad! Let her get used to him being the one who comforts her :)

SquinkiesRule · 17/04/2013 21:24

Thats horrible treatment you are getting and your insurance will be paying out the wazoo for it.
Here (US) I've been fed in the hospital as a parent of a patient, given drinks and even a meal when Ds was admitted, they even offered him other meals if he didn't like what had been sent up for him.
When the kids were born they even gave a meal to Dh who had been with me all day.
I'd ring for the nurse, and tell her you want food for your Dd if they refuse, tell them they need to sit with her while you go and get something, then go up the chain till you get satisfaction.
I am a nurse, I'd have sat with your Dd while you went to get food for the both of you, I did it in UK when I worked on paeds too.

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 18/04/2013 00:17

It was the waxwork nastiness that upset me. Don't see why people can't see that. But I know how people love to cling to the 'AIBU so I can say what i like' mantra.

Thanks for the apology though hell. Going to work in a mo. still feeling shit, but there you go

OP posts:
Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 18/04/2013 00:20

And as for rod for your own back bullshit, my god, are you a parent? Have you had a 3 year old screaming in pain and fright who just wants their mummy? And you think then's the time to train them so as to avoid back rods(whatever the fuck they may be)?

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 18/04/2013 00:39

do you really have to go to work tomorrow given what has happened? would your employer not understand if you phone in?

i would not go to work and leave my DD in hospital under these circumstances for anyone.

ThatVikRinA22 · 18/04/2013 00:42

btw - my DS was 3 when he had a very prolonged hospital stay in the UK....i didnt leave him either. i only went for food when someone was available to sit him for me. me and dh did shifts for a bit....but i slept in a camp bed for 2 months next to him. They want mummy when scared and poorly. thats perfectly understandable.

but again - do not go to work tomorrow! just phone them and explain. surely the fact she is in hospital is excuse enough!