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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to bed fed?

113 replies

changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 09:05

We live in Asia. DD(3) had a nasty accident last night. She broke her wrist and elbow, and needed wire putting in both, under GA.

Doc saw her this morning, couldn't discharge as he hadn't seen the X-rays taken before he came to tell if surgery went well. It is 4pm here, he still hasn't come back. Spoke to nurse, who first said to expect him at2, now 7. Discharge after that usually takes 2-48!! Hours, because they won't discharge until the insurance has gone through.

I have been given nothing to eat or drink since we arrived, at 5 pm yesterday. DH came for a bit pre surgery last night and also this morning. Last night was too much of a stress/ rush for food for me to be a priority. He came this morning with some coffee and a sandwich from the cafe (which only sells sandwiches, and horrible ones at that).

Dd is 3 and freaked out. I can't leave her but I am so hungry! DD also hungry, her lunch arrived (kids meal) covered in chilli sauce, and they wouldn't replace. DH coming back soon once the baby is awake, and will bring food but , well, AIBU to think the hospital (private) should give me ksomething, and replace DD's lunch?

Also no sleep last night, as only chair provided, which is fine but in conjunction with no food I am getting pissed off.

OP posts:
LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 17/04/2013 10:07

Poor things, both you and DD. I also suggest you grab a nurse and ask for a tea or coffee. Worse they can say is no.

BegoniaBampot · 17/04/2013 10:09

hope you are ok OP!

Cherriesarelovely · 17/04/2013 10:11

To be fair I have been in hospital several times this year and fairly frequently the nurses have kindly brought my DP snacks and a cup of tea. It's not their responsibility but let's face it if you didn't have your DH you might not have been able to get away for a minute to grab a cuppa so it would be a nice gesture to offer you something. Agree though that it's not really their responsibility in general.

littleducks · 17/04/2013 10:12

You are tired, hungry and worried about your child and understandably grumpy.

Unfortunately living in another country does mean that there are cultural differences, what you view as spicy chilli sauce may/us viewed as tomatoe sauce with a hint of chilli.

My kids would lap up fish with chilli sauce but wouldn't touch the limp fish fingers served with smash mash potatoes in hospital here. It's a PITA but you need to take food with you/ask someone to bring something in or if you are really desperate and its possible order delivered food.

In injury emergencies I now grab the kids favourite snuggly toy, calpol (to medicate while waiting to be seen) a bottle of water and some cereal bars/crisps or whatever I have in the cupboard for packed lunches. And yes I did learn it was necessary the hard way, I think most people do!

Hope you get home and to eat soon.

Cherriesarelovely · 17/04/2013 10:12

So sorry for your DD, what a horrible accident. Hope she recovers soon x

Kiriwawa · 17/04/2013 10:20

I am sympathetic, it's horrible being hungry, especially if you're worried about your DD.

Sirzy - must depend where you are. When DS was in the Royal Free for a week, it was a mad dash for pillows off empty beds once it was lights out and then you got the vinyl chair next to the bed. Not at all comfy.

MidniteScribbler · 17/04/2013 10:23

I don't tbink nurses should be running around making cups of tea. They're already overworked as it is without having to play waitress. Every hospital I have ever been in has a row of vending machines and coffee machines on each floor.

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 11:10

No vending machines, no coffee stations.

This is a modern, western hospital in KL.

DH here now. All fine. :)

OP posts:
LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 17/04/2013 12:09

Good stuff, chow down OP and you'll feel much better

BurningBridges · 17/04/2013 12:21

Well it was 7 years ago but when DD1 was in hospital overnight the nurses did bring me a sandwich and tea and they give you a sort of reclining chair. This was fairly small and not very well resourced hospital Kent coast. Its nice to think you would get this sort of support with DCs in hospital but clearly everyone's experience is different, and as its in KL it may be that things work differently there too. I certainly don't think you are feeling "entitled" but just stressed and now, on top of it all, starving! Hope all is well soon.

Borntobeamum · 17/04/2013 14:08

Hope you're daughter is ok by the way x x

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 15:33

We're ay home now. Dd asleep, very frightened and I'm all over the place. Can't eat, can't stop crying

OP posts:
littleducks · 17/04/2013 16:31

Delayed shock? Time for a cup of tea and some deep breathing, I think. If your dd is sleeping it can't be hurting her too much, take comfort in thst.

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 16:42

Not sleeping now. Suppository done, waiting for her to succumb to sleep... Stroking legs seems to help

OP posts:
Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 16:44

Thank you, by the way. ZDh made me tea, did help, I'm much calmer now.

Worried about going to work in the morning, and how DH will cope. She screams when I leave the room. And little Dd very upset and confused too. :(

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 17/04/2013 16:49

"but all get tea and toast."

Not in my experience. I have spent far too much time at the local children's hospital over the last 12 years and the only time I was given anything to eat was when I was breastfeeding DD. They also have a policy of no hot drinks on the wards because of the danger of children being scalded.

Helltotheno · 17/04/2013 16:50

Don't get what the role of your DH is in all this. You sure he's an actual functional human being, not a wax figure?

Sorry about your DD being unwell....

Groovee · 17/04/2013 16:54

We don't get fed in our local children's hospital. DH had to bring me food or grandad came and sat with dd while I went for something to eat.

Startail · 17/04/2013 17:06

I did discover parents coffee making facilities and a crap vending machine at our local hospital, but I had to leave DD and hunt about. Not only didn't the nursers think to offer me food they forgot the ham sandwich they'd promised DD2.

She had also been nil by mouth having a broken arm fixed.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 17/04/2013 17:09

Firstly, so sorry to hear you have had such a traumatic time. Never easy when you're away from home and accidents happen and you have to deal with unfamiliar systems and so on. However, YABU. I think your tiredness/hunger combined with a country that isn't home and doesn't have the familiarity of the NHS, as well as your perceived notion of what private healthcare should be, have clouded your judgement.

FWIW, I don't live in the UK now but had my DD in a large London teaching hospital 18 months ago. I relied on my DH, parents and inlaws to bring me food as there was either none or it was cold mush and no veggie option... I was in for a couple of nights, hooked up to a catheter and missed breakfast each morning (the only relatively normal meal, you can't really harm Weetabix!) as someone would pop their head around the door and say 'breakfast's outside your door'. How nice, I couldn't get out of bed due to the catheter and there was no one to bring it for me as it arrived at the crack of dawn! My DH arrived at 7:45 both mornings I was there thankfully, armed with pan au chocolat and coffee. So - it's not just the country you're in that has issues providing hospital food!

Secondly, I'm now in the US. Private medical care to me means Bupa or Nuffield standard but in reality I've found NHS style service for a fee! I imagine you're feeling the same - expecting 5 star treatment but it's not extended to the food.

I hope you get sorted out soon and DD makes a quick recovery. I know this sounds crazy but depending on where you are, could you order in a takeaway? I've seen this done here...

Sirzy · 17/04/2013 17:09

They also have a policy of no hot drinks on the wards because of the danger of children being scalded.

when ds was in earlier this week I noticed they had got some of those insulated cups with lids in the parents room so drinks could be taken to the bedside aslong as the lids stayed on. I just hope people are sensible and they stay

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 17:16

Sorry, mistakenly thought this had moved on andi could get some support. Clearly not.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 17/04/2013 17:21

change I know you're upset and tired, but I don't think people have really flamed you or anything. I'm sorry you've had such a shock, sounds like it's suddenly hit you now you're home. Hope DD is resting and that you have some relaxation time.

Helltotheno · 17/04/2013 17:33

OP I'm not getting at you.. I'm just really surprised that you were in the hospital 8 hours and a) your DH couldn't take over for a while and let you get something to eat or b) why he couldn't have brought in takeaway noodles or something.
I just wouldn't myself have been expecting the hospital to feed me is all.

Also, why can't he be left alone to cope with the children? Reasonable q's all....

Original poster
changeThatNameRightNow · 17/04/2013 17:37

Dd won't let me out of her sight. DH is more than capable, but she wants me.

When he came to visit in the morning we thought we'd be out soon, so he went to feed and sleep the baby. It took longer than expected, and the hospital is too far to to and fro. He has been brilliant and done nothing wrong.

Dd still very awake, very upset and I have to get up for work in 5 and a half hours. Forgive me for taking your snide comment the wrong way.

OP posts:
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