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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to include NICU pictures in a baby photo book?

113 replies

redwellybluewelly · 15/04/2013 19:53

Please be gentle with me!

DD was in a coma on life support shortly after she was born for a week, we only have one grainy photo of her before transfer, she was then in for a bit longer getting better and came home at two weeks old. Since then she has gone from strength to strength but there have been re admissions.

So. DC2 is due in two months, DD is obsessed with babies and also pictures of herself. I thought I'd make a photobook for her of her as a baby that she can flick through when I'm feeding dc2 but also because she would love to take it to nursery and also show people.

Anyway. Speaking to a friend (with children) and she said that putting in any photos from NICU would be creepy and weird, but to me they are an important part of DD being a baby.

I wouldn't put in the close up coma ones where she is on life support (you can't actually see much baby) but maybe the ones of her first breastfeed (NG tube in) or where DH is standing by the NICU crib wuth the million and one machines keeping her going.

Am I being unreasonable? )

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 16/04/2013 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loulybelle · 16/04/2013 08:09

SO NBU, Its a part of her life, my little sister was in the NICU, for a month, because she was 8 weeks premature, and shes seen the pic.

Put the pics in and talk to her about it, she'll want to know and should know.

ShadowStorm · 16/04/2013 10:00

YANBU. It's part of her life.

DS was in SCBU for 3.5 weeks when he was born - our very first picture of him shows him in an incubater all hooked up to CPAP with wires and tubes. We've got this picture, and other SCBU ones, in our baby album - our favourite ones are on display in our house along with other post-hospital pictures.

It would seem wrong to me to hide all the SCBU pictures - I'd feel as if we were ignoring his first few weeks - and I'd be upset at a friend who suggested that we were being creepy and weird to keep them out.

Bejeena · 16/04/2013 10:49

I think it is your indivudiual choice. I was in NICU as baby and my mother refused for pictures to be taken. My best friend had a baby 2 months early and there were pics of him and when I showed my Mum it upset her a bit. But I think it is all your own decision and nobody elses business if you are happy with it then so what?

M0naLisa · 16/04/2013 11:11

My mum has pictures of me in SCBU. It's not creepy. It's part of my life.

Your friend is bu

elliejjtiny · 16/04/2013 11:16

YANBU. None of mine were in scbu but I have lots of photos of DS2 with a NG tube, kaye walker and wheelchair. I'm 28w pregnant with DC4 and scan photos showing his/her cleft lip are proudly on display too, much to FIL's discomfort.

Loulybelle · 16/04/2013 11:20

A babies life doesnt suddenly start when he/she becomes a "Normal Baby". So if you want pics of you baby, tubes and all then do it, because those tubes are the reason you have your child with you still, so the tubes have some importance too.

PeterParkerSays · 16/04/2013 11:31

Include the NICU photos for your DD. My son had nothing like as traumatic a start in life, he was a ventouse delivery, but he did look bruised and a bit squashed for the first few days. However, these are part of the story of how he came to be part of our family, and part of his story, so I'd never leave them out. DM had a phot of him looking particularly bruised and wanted to throw it away but I kept it for my DS to see when he's older.

Your DD had a bumpy start but has got where she is now, and those photos are part of her journey.

valiumredhead · 16/04/2013 11:42

Your friend is err odd Confused

It wouldn't occur to me not to include the pics of ds when he was in the SCBU.

Minty82 · 16/04/2013 11:50

It's entirely reasonable for you to include the pictures and I can see why you want to. But I think some of the posters calling your friend a twat/stupid/an idiot etc are being a bit unfair - she's not had a child in NICU herself, and I can see why the gut reaction for a lot of people would be to assume that you might find the pictures upsetting and not want to dwell on them. Clearly you don't see them that way, and that's great, but I don't find her reaction all that surprising although it sounds like she could have been more tactful.
Congratulations on DC2 - hope all goes well. The book's a lovely idea.

valiumredhead · 16/04/2013 11:58

I can't get my head around any one whose gut reaction would be that of anything but joy that the baby was still alive and doing well in the SCUBU, so imo she is a twat.

HerrenaHarridan · 16/04/2013 12:06

Of course not!

HerrenaHarridan · 16/04/2013 12:07

Oops posted too soon Blush

Your friend is ridiculous!

AprilFoolishness · 16/04/2013 12:12

But Minty she didn't say 'don't you find those pictures quite painful to look at?' or 'doesn't DD find them upsetting' she said 'creepy and wierd'.

Ergo, she she is a twat.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 16/04/2013 12:15

Ds3 was 8 weeks early, we have pics of him in nicu and the little splint things that were on his arms.

Your friend sounds odd

valiumredhead · 16/04/2013 12:25

Tbh if someone said that about my ds they would find themselves nursing a shiner!

Jins · 16/04/2013 12:28

The grainy battered polaroid of DS1 that is his first picture takes pride of place in 'his' album and a copy of it is framed and on my desk.

Your friend is beyond weird.

valiumredhead · 16/04/2013 12:33

jins the grainy polaroid they take as they whisk your baby off to SCBU as you are left a mere puddle of your former self trying not to panic? That is ds's first pic too and the most precious pic we have so if someone called it creepy or weird I would honestly have to contain myself!

Jins · 16/04/2013 12:36

That's the one! The one that you hold and stare at all night because it's all you've got to prove you had a baby?

I would struggle to contain myself as well

valiumredhead · 16/04/2013 12:38

Yep, that's it, they handed it to me and I checked with dh to make sure it was actually our ds as I had no bloody clue Grin

Loulybelle · 16/04/2013 12:43

My mum still has that little polaroid, that was the start of my little sisters life 13 years ago.

bordellosboheme · 16/04/2013 12:47

Good question. We were in nicu for 10 days and I've been wondering the same. I think reading this I will do it. I like the idea of it making ds feel special and a fighter when he's older xx

glossyflower · 16/04/2013 12:54

OMG your friend is a twat!

My dear friends first child had a very serious heart defect and was under sedation in intensive care for weeks after having open heart surgery.
They were given a little scrap book type thing by the nurses, photos of DC with all sorts of tubes and attachments to him, his tiny little chest covered by a huge dressing - as his chest had to be left open as his heart was so enlarged, they put in cardiac monitor electrode stickers to show what was attached and why. They wrote in little milestones with pictures, when he first came out of his induced coma, first proper cuddle with mum, first time off the ward (attached to oxygen)... Everytime I see that book it makes me cry as their DC in question now 4 is clambering over me trying to show me his new toy car.

It's part of the child's life no matter how sad or how hard it was to see them going through all that trauma. And it's a lovely keepsake too.

differentnameforthis · 16/04/2013 13:27

You put in what you like! That is your dd's beginnings...ask your friend if she thinks your dd's start in life is creepy & weird...stupid woman!

MiaowTheCat · 16/04/2013 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.