AIBU to include NICU pictures in a baby photo book?

[redwellybluewelly]

Please be gentle with me!

DD was in a coma on life support shortly after she was born for a week, we only have one grainy photo of her before transfer, she was then in for a bit longer getting better and came home at two weeks old. Since then she has gone from strength to strength but there have been re admissions.

So. DC2 is due in two months, DD is obsessed with babies and also pictures of herself. I thought I'd make a photobook for her of her as a baby that she can flick through when I'm feeding dc2 but also because she would love to take it to nursery and also show people.

Anyway. Speaking to a friend (with children) and she said that putting in any photos from NICU would be creepy and weird, but to me they are an important part of DD being a baby.

I wouldn't put in the close up coma ones where she is on life support (you can't actually see much baby) but maybe the ones of her first breastfeed (NG tube in) or where DH is standing by the NICU crib wuth the million and one machines keeping her going.

Am I being unreasonable? )

[bordellosboheme]

blond friend good for you lovely example.

[blondefriend]

I've gone a little step further than that so your friend will think I'm completely bonkers. My ds was in GOSH for 3+ months, travelled to Germany for treatment, was ventilated in intensive care, had 2 major operations, was ng tube fed until 10+ months, was in and out of hospital until 18 months and is now a wonderful bouncing 2.5 year old. :)
I took 100s and 100s of photos and made a photo book purely of his life through his condition and coming out the other side. I gave one copy to GOSH and they made it into a DVD (I had to go in and do a voice over) and they now use it for education and support for other parents with children with the same, rare condition.
That wasn't the original plan but my OH and I clicked the camera at every opportunity. He was our precious son and these experiences are part of that. My dd was also in scbu at birth (but only for 1 week) and she loves the photos. She knows which lines are for checking the heart, which ones fed her, which ones gave medicine etc. She's never been scared or frightened by them. She even ng-tube fed her dollies for months.

Disability and differences are not something to be ashamed of or hidden but to be shared and celebrated. Her comments are hurtful to those of us that have had SCBU babies but must be heartbreaking to those who have disabled children as they seem to indicate that anything less than perfect shouldn't be photographed and shared.

[ipswichwitch]

Phantom :( sadly that would make two of us - we have photos, hand/foot prints etc of our gorgeous DS who was stillborn, and I treasure them all. His twin brother was on Scbu for 3 weeks and we have tons of photos of him (some on the wall at home) in his incubator with feeding tube. There is nothing weird or creepy about it. It would be stranger to pretend it never happened imo

[phantomnamechanger]

OP, no doubt your friend would think I am beyond creepy - I have pictures and footprints and handprints from my precious stillborn DD3 who we knew was not going to come home with us. They are all we still have of her, and are in a treasured box with all our condolence cards and a pink cuddly rabbit I bought for me to fall asleep crying into

[itsnothingoriginal]

So sad to read about the babies who didn't make it home on this thread

I wish I'd taken pictures of DD in NICU/SCBU as I was too upset and traumatised at the time.

Now she's older she wants to know why she has a disability and I wish I had the pics to show her and talk her through it.

YANBU your friend clearly has not thought through how important those pictures are for you and your child.

[silverangel]

of FTs, not off...

[silverangel]

I got given photos off DTs too, 20 months ago, when they were in NICU. They are in their baby books, I don't like to look at them too much (they are all bruised and swollen and one was on a ventilator) but I wanted them in there. We've also kept their teeny tiny id bands, cpap dummies, little 'shoe' things they had to keep canulas in etc.

We had photo books done for granny and nanny for their first christmas and there are loads of SCBU photos in there - its when they had their first cuddles with them - and their NGT's are in and some of them they're under under the light boxes with their eye masks on and covered in wires. It would be odd to pretend that didnt happen IMO.

[ShadowStorm]

Miaow - the SCBU DS was in had a digital camera and printer - the neo-natal nurses gave me a couple of photos they'd taken with that. (This was about 20 months ago)

[Owllady]

I can't quite believe what some people think is okay to come out with!
of course it isn't weird and creepy

[formicaqueen]

put it in.

[AprilFoolishness]

Miaow - my DH was away so when I came round from my GA a lovely nurse took my iPhone and ran down to NICU to take a picture of my twins. I wasn't very with it, but I remember holding it and looking at them for ages as I came to.

They also had a digital camera and printer in both the NICUs and printed images off for us, so when DS was transferred away I had a picture of him in a little card in my room, one of the first New Baby cards I got.

[shugfish]

From my own experiences I think it may also be very important to your daughter to have these pictures to look at when she's older.
I was very unwell as a infant and had open heart surgery and a long PICU stay. There are no photos of that time (pre digital cameras and in the time of very expensive film) I managed to get hold of my old notes recently and found the initial cardiology referral letter, discussions over how and when to operate, my inpatient stay notes and all my follow up outpatient letters. It was fasinating to read and gave me some understanding of that time in my life. The ability to look back at pictures may help your daughter understand her beginnings when she's older. Those notes really made me appreciate how lucky I am to be here.

On another note redwelly I just wanted to say how positive you seem to be with everything you have going on in your life. Your posts always make me smile

[differentnameforthis]

You put in what you like! That is your dd's beginnings...ask your friend if she thinks your dd's start in life is creepy & weird...stupid woman!

[glossyflower]

OMG your friend is a twat!

My dear friends first child had a very serious heart defect and was under sedation in intensive care for weeks after having open heart surgery.
They were given a little scrap book type thing by the nurses, photos of DC with all sorts of tubes and attachments to him, his tiny little chest covered by a huge dressing - as his chest had to be left open as his heart was so enlarged, they put in cardiac monitor electrode stickers to show what was attached and why. They wrote in little milestones with pictures, when he first came out of his induced coma, first proper cuddle with mum, first time off the ward (attached to oxygen)... Everytime I see that book it makes me cry as their DC in question now 4 is clambering over me trying to show me his new toy car.

It's part of the child's life no matter how sad or how hard it was to see them going through all that trauma. And it's a lovely keepsake too.

[bordellosboheme]

Good question. We were in nicu for 10 days and I've been wondering the same. I think reading this I will do it. I like the idea of it making ds feel special and a fighter when he's older xx

[Loulybelle]

My mum still has that little polaroid, that was the start of my little sisters life 13 years ago.

[valiumredhead]

Yep, that's it, they handed it to me and I checked with dh to make sure it was actually our ds as I had no bloody clue

[Jins]

That's the one! The one that you hold and stare at all night because it's all you've got to prove you had a baby?

I would struggle to contain myself as well

[valiumredhead]

jins the grainy polaroid they take as they whisk your baby off to SCBU as you are left a mere puddle of your former self trying not to panic? That is ds's first pic too and the most precious pic we have so if someone called it creepy or weird I would honestly have to contain myself!

[Jins]

The grainy battered polaroid of DS1 that is his first picture takes pride of place in 'his' album and a copy of it is framed and on my desk.

Your friend is beyond weird.

[valiumredhead]

Tbh if someone said that about my ds they would find themselves nursing a shiner!

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

Ds3 was 8 weeks early, we have pics of him in nicu and the little splint things that were on his arms.

Your friend sounds odd

[AprilFoolishness]

But Minty she didn't say 'don't you find those pictures quite painful to look at?' or 'doesn't DD find them upsetting' she said 'creepy and wierd'.

Ergo, she she is a twat.