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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to include NICU pictures in a baby photo book?

113 replies

redwellybluewelly · 15/04/2013 19:53

Please be gentle with me!

DD was in a coma on life support shortly after she was born for a week, we only have one grainy photo of her before transfer, she was then in for a bit longer getting better and came home at two weeks old. Since then she has gone from strength to strength but there have been re admissions.

So. DC2 is due in two months, DD is obsessed with babies and also pictures of herself. I thought I'd make a photobook for her of her as a baby that she can flick through when I'm feeding dc2 but also because she would love to take it to nursery and also show people.

Anyway. Speaking to a friend (with children) and she said that putting in any photos from NICU would be creepy and weird, but to me they are an important part of DD being a baby.

I wouldn't put in the close up coma ones where she is on life support (you can't actually see much baby) but maybe the ones of her first breastfeed (NG tube in) or where DH is standing by the NICU crib wuth the million and one machines keeping her going.

Am I being unreasonable? )

OP posts:

TheBigJessie · 15/04/2013 20:05

Your friend is a fucking idiot.

TigerSwallowtail · 15/04/2013 20:05

I think it would be great to show her how far she's come and how well she done despite being such a tiny baby, it would be lovely to flick through the book and see her go from strength to strength, it's definitely not creepy.

Molehillmountain · 15/04/2013 20:06

I suddenly felt really cross. Imagine saying to your friend that age shouldn't have newborn pictures in her dcs books. How dare she say that to you.

apostropheuse · 15/04/2013 20:06

YANBU. It's part of your child's story...and it's also a story with a happy ending.

My grandaughter was born weighing 2 lb 3 oz and has seen lots of pics from then, as well as videos I took of her mum changing her tiny nappy, tubefeeding her etc. She loves seeing that stuff, as well as seeing the tiny clothes she was dressed in etc. Children are fascinated by that stuff.

Your friend has some strange views!

doublecakeplease · 15/04/2013 20:07

Of course you're not bu! I've got loads of pictures of DS in nicu - i love looking at them and seeing how far he's come.

He was readmitted and was seriously ill and my Mum struggles to look at photos from that time but they're important to me. At the time we took them in case those were his last days. Now they're a reminder of harder times and of hope. Nothing weird or scary about them!

backwardpossom · 15/04/2013 20:07

Your friend is a numpty. Why wouldn't you put pics of her in NICU in? It was part of her life.

CMOTDibbler · 15/04/2013 20:07

yanbu. My ds loves looking at the pictures of himself in scbu and talking about what things are doing

Molehillmountain · 15/04/2013 20:08

By the way, if its any help, my dm said it was sad we could only complete one side of our family tree because our dc are donor conceived. People are strange and insensitive sometimes.

firawla · 15/04/2013 20:09

really friend is being really weird, yadnbu. its quite horrible of your friend to say that!

ConfusedPixie · 15/04/2013 20:09

Yanbu. AS Others have said, it's her story of her life, why would you miss it out? Children aren't too fussed by these things, it's just another part of learning to them.

Wereonourway · 15/04/2013 20:10

Your friend is being very unreasonable.

My ds was 6 weeks prem and suffered awful bruising. His first photograph was taken by nicu staff, he is black and blue and swollen and my own mum can't look at it.

My dad was away when ds was born so when I rang him to say ds was born it was the only pic I could send to him via pic message. I had to warn him that it was upsetting but I'm very very proud of ds, it shows how far he has come and what amazing help he had from such special people.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/04/2013 20:11

YANBU your friend sounds a knob. I am as to why it would be creepy.

My nephew was born at 30ish weeks and there a fair few pictures my mum and I both took of him in SCBU. I'm glad they exist. It shows how far he has come and shows what dedicated hospital staff and machines can do to save a life. He has seen them loads now he is older and is fascinated by them and what happened to him.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/04/2013 20:13

OMG molehillmountain cant believe anyone let alone your MOTHER said that to you! hope it was pointed to her how unreasonable she was being, saying that!

NotSoNervous · 15/04/2013 20:13

YANBU tell your friend to sod off.

YoniBottsBumgina · 15/04/2013 20:14

It's your book and your family and I don't see any reason at all not to include them. My mum has pictures of me in an incubator and I remember looking at them when I was a child and not being bothered by it at all - it's interesting to children.

pigletmania · 15/04/2013 20:15

Yanbu this was part of your dd life, your friend is crazy

missorinoco · 15/04/2013 20:20

Yanbu.

She is referring to how it would make her feel, and subconsciously it possibly reflects the heart-squeeze a parent would have at the thought of a child on NICU, and the presumuption that if it were her all she would want to do is forget it.

I have a picture of one of my DC with an NG and a drip whilst in special care in my calendar. That's one of his neonatal photos.

PQ77 · 15/04/2013 20:21

Yanbu!

I have just made a little album for my ds (now 7 months) and it's full of photos of him on a ventilator, under billi lights, ng tube in etc. I look at it and marvel at what a miracle it is to have him with us - not in a maudlin or creepy way and .if any of my friends said it was creepy and weird to remember this terrifying time in our life I would be pretty offended!

AprilFoolishness · 15/04/2013 20:25

YANBU My two were in for 7 weeks, we have photos of all the whole shebang.

I was looking through a friend's newborn album when my two were very tiny and it made me quite teary because I obviously don't have the cute massive bump/mum in hospital bed with brand new baby/coming home/squishy newborn photos.

A year on I feel very differently. I have photos of DS ventilated, in a transfer incubator, of DD covered in wires and so small she's hiding under her dad's hand, an INCREDIBLE one of the first time I did skin to skin with them both at once, their first bath, their first day in cots, their first day in clothes, the car-seat challenge... It is the most amazing journey and they are among my most treasured photos.

Your friend is very stupid and very tactless.

RueDeWakening · 15/04/2013 20:26

YANBU. We have pics of DS on our walls from when he was in NICU/HDU/SCBU (yes, all of them). They're part of what makes him who he is (ie a tall, noisy, opinionated, rambunctious 3 year old :o).

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 15/04/2013 20:30

YANBU! We were in SCBU for 6 months before DS came home (3 months prem) - it was like a second home for us and some of the people there were lovely and we have some great pics - it was a big part of his life, why would I not include it. I was and am very proud of those photos and his journey. He was also tube fed and on oxygen for ages when he finally came home ... should those pictures be hidden too?

Molehillmountain · 15/04/2013 20:30

Desperatelyseeking - no thread hijack intended but yes, gently (!) pointed out to her. She wasnt actually trying to be awful, gebuibely trying to empathise, in her own unique way. She is the biological side ironically and usefully proves how much more is needed than blood ties to make a family!

MiaowTheCat · 15/04/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiegeAndLief · 15/04/2013 20:33

I have photos of ds in NICU and SBCU in his baby book. He has seen them plenty of times, and knows that he was very poorly and "had to live in a box". His baby book documents the first year of his life - SCBU was 1/6th of that so it would have been very odd to leave it out!

Funnily, when the class had to take baby photos in recently, he and his friend who was also prem wanted to take in the NICU photos of them covered in tubes and on ventilator etc. I think they are quite proud of being prem and a bit different! I did say no to that as he looked really ill in the photo he wanted to take and I thought it might disturb some of the other 5-6yos in his class.

iZombie · 15/04/2013 20:33

I am proud of the pictures of my son in the NICU, SCBU and general children's wards. They're a testament to an awesome NHS staff and his determination to have functioning lungs. You do what you want, and get it printed hardback so you can twat people over the head with it if they utter ridiculous sentences:o

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