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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel utterly bereft.

27 replies

pamplem0usse · 14/04/2013 22:14

I had postnatal depression.
My baby has been quite poorly sice birth (now 7mo); I also have a 2,7yo.
My DH.is back.in work tomorrow after a long holiday.
I have no idea how I'm going to cope. my health visitor was supposed to be supporting me but disappeared three months ago.
My ds has now been diagnosed with a long term condition with significant day to day implications.
The diagnostic procedure he required needed him to starve (no foodbor milk for 36 hours). Noone told me before arriving at hospital. I just held him while he cried and my breasts leaked.
My 2 yo gets stuck.in front of a film once a day. Its the only way i can cope. im a useless mother.

OP posts:
candyandyoga · 14/04/2013 22:16

You are NOT a useless mum! Please don't think that. Can you go to your doctor and get some support? You need to do this, they are there to help you - please phone them tomorrow.

Do you have friends you can confide in? X

gordyslovesheep · 14/04/2013 22:16

You are NOT a useless mother - if you broke your leg and needed help you wouldn't say that ...you are ILL - please chase the HV - you need support.

It can and does get better x

Softlysoftly · 14/04/2013 22:16

My 2 yr old often gets stuck in front of a film and I don't have half your crap to deal with, you are NOT a rubbish mother.

You do however sound like you need support. Bypass your HV and go to your gp xx

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 14/04/2013 22:17

No. You are not a useless mother but you are a mum under huge, huge strain.

Do you have any support at all? Are there any support groups for your DS's condition that you could join, have you tried Contact-a-Family?

thebody · 14/04/2013 22:17

No you are not. Just under a hell of a lot of pressure and a lot of difficulties on your plate.

Please see your GP and get some help.

Hugs, you are not alone with the mumsnet gang.

Xxx

Iwillorderthefood · 14/04/2013 22:17

I am sorry this is happening to you. Please do not worry about sticking your two year old in front of the tv, you have to get through this tough time, and if this is what you need to do to get through, so be it.

Being a parent is tough enough, without being worried about this.

givemeaclue · 14/04/2013 22:18

No you aren't useless, you are having a tough time but you still managed to get to the hospital appointment for example. Can you get to your gp? You do need some help and it is available, also is there a support group for people with pnd near you? Have you tried chasing the health visitor? Sorry you Are having such a bad time hope you manage to get some help. Sort on here do moral support in meantime.

HumphreyCobbler · 14/04/2013 22:18

You could still have PND. Can you talk to your doctor? Did you have treatment before?

Also film + toddler = normal parenting, esp with a new baby.

LynetteScavo · 14/04/2013 22:18

Firstly, you are not useless!

Starving a baby for 36 hours sounds horrendous! Shock poor the both of you! Sad

I would want to complain about not being told before arriving at hospital, but I'm guessing you (understandably) don't have the strength now.

What is the condition your DS has been diagnosed with? Is there any sort of support group?

You will cope tomorrow. This is why Cbeebies was invented.

Iwillorderthefood · 14/04/2013 22:18

I forgot to add my two also get put in front of the tv frequently.

AgentZigzag · 14/04/2013 22:19

Having a lot on your plate and struggling to get your head round it does not mean you're a useless mum!

And there's nothing wrong with a 2 YO watching a bit of telly.

What happened with the HV? Can you contact them and say you need to see someone else?

flangledoodle · 14/04/2013 22:20

This will pass. Things will get better. Take each day as it comes and try not to look further. Try to do something which gives you pleasure each day. Try to eat well and sleep as well as you can. Accept any help going. I have been therw (sort of) things will get better.

CaptainSweatPants · 14/04/2013 22:20

Christ do babies really get starved for 36 hours for a diagnosis? Shock

b4bunnies · 14/04/2013 22:22

you are not, definitely not, a useless mother.
you are faced with a lot of challenges which would be too much for almost everyone.
your two-to-three will be fine with a daily film.
phone the health visitor in the morning and ask for support.
get an appointment with the doctor and talk through your situation.
is there anyone in your family who could help?

Original poster
pamplem0usse · 14/04/2013 22:23

Thanks ladies. i dont know that i can face taking.them.both to the doctors with me. my old health.visitor was great but she left and new one.didnt seem interested.
Ive just broken a tooth (dont look after them or myself properly).
My poor.baby was literally.starving for hours. My mil was supppsed to be helping.but just shouted when I told her I.wasn't sure i could handle himnstarving. i dont really have anyone to confide in. we only moved here a few months ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
pamplem0usse · 14/04/2013 22:26

He had colonoscopies and gastroscopies. yes they starve them. It could have been less but they didnt get him a morning slot. The nurses were cross with me.because I wouldnt leave him to cry in the cot while i expressed.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 14/04/2013 22:28

'My mil was supppsed to be helping.but just shouted when I told her I.wasn't sure i could handle himnstarving'

An adult who could understand why they were not eating/drinking for 36 hours would have difficulty doing it, but to watch your baby when all you want to do most as a mum is feed them, must have been torturous.

Shame on your MIL.

Sympathy with the broken tooth, very nasty.

springyhappychick · 15/04/2013 00:57

oh babe, you're having a very rough time (((hug)))

Get onto the GP and get a HV on your case PRONTO. Makes me so CROSS that you've been left high and dry exactly when you need a HV to do her effing job!

See the GP anyway because if you're not looking after yourself properly then you may be under the weather either with general depression (not surprising) or PND. Sooner rather than later get some attention from the powers that be. You need support NOW.

Sorry about the shouting. I'm sorry your MIL is a cow and the nurses were also unsympathetic. I can't for the life of me imagine how anyone could starve a baby for 36 hours. it seemed totally inhuman. I just can't get my head around it tbh. Wouldn't they sedate him??

HazeltheMcWitch · 15/04/2013 01:08

Oh OP, you poor thing.
In addition to all the great advice on the thread already, I also want to remind you that you get free NHS dental treatment for 12months post-birth, as pregnancy does take its toll on your teeth.
(so it's not at all the case that you don't look after them properly!)

Apileofballyhoo · 15/04/2013 01:16

Think anyone would be v upset and stressed, OP. Tv for 2yr old is fine. You are not a useless mother. You are breast feeding and expressing and v distressed your baby is starving. Nothing useless mother about any of that. You worry about tv for toddler, nothing useless motherI about that either. You do need to get help though as your perception is off at the moment due to your depression. As quickly as possible. And those nurses sound horrible, uncaring and inhuman. If anyone is useless it's them.

Rindercella · 15/04/2013 01:16

that is horrendous. and from reading your post you are about as far away from being a useless mum as I can imagine. It must have been awful witnessing your DS go through that - I am not sure I could have done it.

See your GP. Also see if you can change your HV - she bloody well should be interested. could Homestart be an option? if available they should at least be able to give you a couple ogmf hours' respite a week.

Btw, TV is fine...especially if it's helping you. you cannot do everything.

big hugs to you xxx

zzzzz · 15/04/2013 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisah · 15/04/2013 03:51

Sorry to hear about your situation. Try contacting homestart as they specialise in providing practical help to people in your situation.
Could you afford to put your toddler in nursery one day a week.
?

raisah · 15/04/2013 03:56

Posted too early. Depending on your income/ circumstances & if you live in a deprived area, you may qualify for a funded nursery place for your 2 yr old. if your toddler was in nursery atleast you wil get some respite time. Please ask your gp or health centre.

Original poster
pamplem0usse · 15/04/2013 13:38

Thanks everyone. have a dentist appointment, managed to do a play date this morning and sort hodpital appointment for my son. will try and get the motivation for ringing dr/hv. dd watching 'rio' and had a lazy lunch (potatp cake cheese and fruit salad) will try to do something cooked for tea.

OP posts: