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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being bridezilla

34 replies

Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:36

At sils wedding I had given birth 7 days earlier and was re addmitted on sils (dps brothers wife)wedding day dp went. Sil is not coming to our wedding now because its on a work day she hasnt used all her holidays and I just feel so sad as dp cut contact with alot of his family because of childhood abuse and they were all he really had . I just feel so upset for him im crying. I wont say anything about my feelings to anyone including dp.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:38

Bil is coming though and its yhe same hotel price either way so not a money issue at least I dont think it is.

OP posts:
LoopaDaLoopa · 13/04/2013 18:38

Um. Yes? You book a week day wedding, you have to expect that it will be inconvenient and many won't attend. Sorry.

freddiemisagreatshag · 13/04/2013 18:40

If she's dp's brother's wife, wasn't it his wedding too? Or am I totally confused?

Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:42

Of course it was bils wedding too. I expected friends to not turn up I just though family may.

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MortifiedAdams · 13/04/2013 18:42

What Loopa said. With bells on.

freddiemisagreatshag · 13/04/2013 18:44

It's an invitation. Not a royal command.

I don't get all this wedding angst. You invited, she says no thanks - his brother is still coming.

Have they children?

LouLouH · 13/04/2013 18:44

Maybe she has a lot going on at work or looking to be promoted.

Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:46

No children I get that I am bu as I siad I never had any intention to do anything about it. But I cant help how I feel which is like a bridezilla Grin

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dozily · 13/04/2013 18:46

Being sad and keeping it to yourself is not bridezilla. It's human.

Did you check what close family thougt before booking a midweek wedding?

fluffyraggies · 13/04/2013 18:47

So you are thinking this is 'tit for tat' because you didn't go to theirs?

Genuine question.

If so - look on it as her loss. But surely if this is the case then surely she'd not worth worrying about. More important that your DP's bro is going to your wedding.

If not, and she is genuinely needing to work - then you are BU.

Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:50

No I actually think she doesnt care about dps family as she also declined another family members Saturday wedding. Its a Friday wedding btw I booked it then as saturdays were gone but with a Friday they only need one day off.

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freddiemisagreatshag · 13/04/2013 18:52

Maybe she doesn't like your DP's wider family and can't cope with being around them?

I wish I'd had the balls to do that with my ex-husband and his family. My mental health would have benefited immensely.

DiscoDonkey · 13/04/2013 18:53

Fine to feel a bit upset. Not worth raising the issue, just make a mental not of it and in the future prioritise her accordingly.

fluffyraggies · 13/04/2013 18:57

Yes, don't take this personally then.

Especially don't take it personally on behalf of your DP. It does sound to me too like she is avoiding family gatherings. Do you get on well together in informal get togethers?

Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 18:59

Yes we usually do only issue we have is she is a competetive moaner but I just let her get on with it personally.

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freddiemisagreatshag · 13/04/2013 19:01

Also, and I mean this kindly and please don't take it the wrong way, but it might not be about you and your wedding, it might be about her and what she needs to do to cope in her own life in her own way.

To give you an example, every time I had to endure a family wedding when I was married to my ex, I'd be a nervous wreck for months beforehand, dreading it from the moment it was announced, knowing I'd be criticised behind my back, ignored, belittled, left out of all events like hen do's and be the only SIL left out, and then there would be an almighty row for 2 days beforehand and I'd flip totally on the day and usually end up sitting the car repairing make up because I'd been in tears.

It SO wasn't worth a minute of it. I should HAVE SAID NO I'M NOT GOING.

Which wouldn't have been about his cousin (who is lovely) or his sister (who is not) - it would have been what I had to do for ME

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/04/2013 19:04

You mention childhood abuse from your Dp's family.

Is it possible that she was abused by someone that you have invited from Dp's family?

Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 19:04

I havent taken it personally Smile just gutted she cant come.

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Original poster
Crawling · 13/04/2013 19:08

Its possible but normally she slags them off to me take mil who she has also cut contact with.

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freddiemisagreatshag · 13/04/2013 19:08

Well if you haven't taken it personally why are you crying over it?

Original poster
Crawling · 14/04/2013 07:59

Im crying because virtually none of dps family will be tgere. Also just because im sad she cant come doesnt mean ive taken it as a personal affront particularly as she is not going to the other wedding either. But you can still feel sad about something wjether it is personal or not.

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DeskPlanner · 14/04/2013 08:08

This is the problem, when you book a wedding during the working week, some people genuinely won't be able to make it.

Of course if she's just using this as an excuse because you missed her wedding because you were in hospital, then she is a nasty individual. What's your usual relationship like ? If you get on well, then maybe she really can't make it. Just tell her you understand and hope to see her at the evening reception.

Try not to stress I suspect there may be other people unable to attend a weekday wedding. Have a lovely day and enjoy.

ApocalypseThen · 14/04/2013 08:56

So you don't really like her, you don't care particularly if she doesn't come but you'd like her to be there for the appearance of family. To be honest, I wouldn't take a day off work to go to the wedding of people who only want me there for a show.

It's not that you're being unreasonable per se, but I think you may be expecting a lot of someone you clearly have no affection for.

Finola1step · 14/04/2013 09:02

No harm in feeling sad OP. It''s your wedding and you would like it to go a certain way. However, it might be a blessing in disguise that she's not coming. She sounds like hard work. And maybe your BIL might enjoy himself a bit more. No point in dwelling on it though.

2rebecca · 14/04/2013 09:17

I've never been to a weekday wedding, relatives of mine are teachers/ academics etc. If you had a weekday wedding then you're effectively not inviting those who work during the week. People may already have plans for their annual leave or not be able to take it if someone else is off then or have kids at school etc.
Crying over it is just feeling sorry for yourself. If your brother's family aren't close why worry, his brother is coming, surely that's the main person he would want there.