To want to kill colleague who says 'reach out' instead of 'contact'

[Themobstersknife]

I know I am, but just back from mat leave, the bastard has done a land grab and now I want to kill him, especially when he says crap like this!

Soft launch - when something doesn't go to plan and gets delayed so you sneak it in and then pretend that had been the strategy all along. You just wanted to soft launch that project. FFS.

I'll revert to you. That's another word for circling back.

Checkers, I LOVE Lick the Stick! Gonna use it tomorrow!

"On-boarding." That's the most recent one in our office. Drives me MENTAL.

And no, I can't really explain what it means.

but 'suck it and see' is an old saying, my Nana used it.

No-one has mentioned 'crosscutting themes' or 'grassroots delivery'

We have a senior bloke in another team who likes to row up his ducks. i'm tempted to change it to 'put the milkers in the parlour' as that is a row too and we work in agriculture

Ooh, another one that really irked me is 'what's the takeaway from this'? Or, 'so that's my takeaway today'.

No, not food but an expression of contempt for all the effort you and everybody else had put into preparing that paper /presentation / meeting, based on the view that 'I'm so busy and important I only need to take in one piece of information from this and, if you aren't able to distill everything you know into one nugget of wisdom perfectly suited to my needs, then you're an inefficient, woolly-thinking oaf really aren't you.'

Could be seen as a harmless way of saying 'what are my action points' or 'I really appreciate having learnt x today' but generally used to wrench power from the author / chair / presenter by ignoring what they are trying to convey and achieve, stating that you are terribly clever and incisive for having cut to the real point and identified the teeny, incidental bit of information that you're going to bother to remember.

Oh yes, 'takeaway' is used by the same people who used to 'dip in' to meetings ten years ago, because they were far too important to devote the time necessary to do the work. Or, more often, were not very important but didn't want to dignify your work with their time or full attention yet expected everyone else to pause, sumamrise and focus on the aspect most relevant to them during their fleeting 'dip'.

A classic I heard recently was referring to categories of things / people as 'buckets'. The exercise of sorting them or categorising them became 'bucketisation'. Kid you not.

YANBU.

I work in sales (poor me) and am surrounded by twats who talk about being 'hungry' and other such bollocks.

DH worked for a company where he had regular progress meetings with his boss. They were called 'dashboard meetings'.

It's just embarrassing.

I heard a wonderful put-down to a "take-away" twat.

The trainer looked at him for a few moments, then said icily:
"I think that's for you to tell me, don't you think?!l"

Do you work at the same place as me?? I work at what used to be a well known US investment bank then bought by an Asian bank. I thought it was hilarious when I first heard it when I joined and vowed NEVER to say it! It's infectios though - but I've stuck to it so far ... 18 months clean!

I have never heard bucketisation! But will using it soon!
Cazza - I do work for a bank, but mine has a different heritage from yours! 18 months clean is seriously impressive! Personally, I think I need to go to rehab as I will shamefully admit I said 'reach out' today! Problem is I need to say stuff like that or no-one understands me!

But will BE using it soon! Tut!

Glittertwins I have just watched the first episode of Drop the Dead Donkey Gus comes out with some classics. Off to download rest of the series

We have the whole lot of DVD, I love it!

Ha! Sometimes it just seems to 'fit' but I find almost any alternative phrase rather than that - I'm stubborn! We don't have buckets -we have pods!

Oh, yes, I had a meeting with someone in a 'pod'.

Looked like a couple of bits of MDF thrown together, but what do I know.

Today I had a meeting where someone said "dimensionalize". They had it written on their slide and all.

I'd written a list of tasks for someone who is going to job share with me. I thought about putting something to the effect of if you're not sure, ask a manager. And to my horror, I suddenly thought up this "classic" to put at the end of the list:

"There is no ass in ask but there is in assume" Eeek! I've heard the ass in assume bit before but I'm sure the ask bit is new

Don't worry Mandy. When you assume, you make an ass of u and me.

Apparently

I think the mn one should be (sorry can't remember who mentioned it)

"Go for the cutter up pear."

A bit like don't reinvent the wheel (an oldie) but implies don't do something yourself when you can spend a bit of money and get it ready prepared for you

Argh cutted up pear

I like it because its instantly recongnisable as an mnism

how about repurposing your colleague, OP.