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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to kill colleague who says 'reach out' instead of 'contact'

188 replies

Themobstersknife · 09/04/2013 22:00

I know I am, but just back from mat leave, the bastard has done a land grab and now I want to kill him, especially when he says crap like this!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:45

My new manager says "touch base" too. As well as "good in the hood", "high five", "on fire" ...don't get me started. Angry

ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:46

And you agree a meeting for the next week, step two feet out of his office and receive an outlook diary entry by email that you then have to confirm by email return.

BendyBusBuggy · 10/04/2013 00:50

I work for a US company in the UK. I'm a foreigner and pick up things people say. Once I sent my DH an email asking if he had on his radar that our dd had an assembly he had promised to go to that afternoon. He told me to f*ck off.

FacebookWanker · 10/04/2013 06:16

I hate, hate, hate people who have to touch base and 'Best'.

We had a guy who used to sprinkle his talk with rubbish such as 'low hanging fruit', 'looking under the bonnet' etc. We used to laugh at him.

tiredemma · 10/04/2013 06:50

ha ha ha. I heard a radio interview with some young UK teenage singer from the Home Counties (Conor Maynard I think)- he kept saying that the likes on Neyo and other US R&B stars had 'reached out' to him.

Made it sound like some plea for help in a moment of crisis.

Lizzabadger · 10/04/2013 07:08

Our manager doesn't speak to people on the phone. He has 1-2-1 s.

manchestermummy · 10/04/2013 07:21

Read "Who moved my Blackberry ".

I have a manager who seems to have swallowed this book. He has me reaching out to line up my ducks from low hanging fruit moving forward.

Best,

Manchestermommy

manchestermummy · 10/04/2013 07:22

Manchestermommy? Mummy. See, too many Americanisms .

lappy · 10/04/2013 09:03

I have a colleague that likes us to 'link in' with each other on a daily basis. She also does an awful lot of 'facilitating'.

I prefer to speak to people and do stuff.

RandallPinkFloyd · 10/04/2013 09:09

I have a colleague who gets things "boxed off" rather than finishing then.

I will box her face off one day. You may read about me in the news Angry

Poledra · 10/04/2013 09:17

Oh god, I hate this! A good colleague of mine spent a lot of time in the US recently. On his return, he sent out an (otherwise sane and sensible) email detailing a policy change. At the end, he had said if we had any questions, just to reach out to him. I sent him a reply saying was it OK if i just asked him a question instead. He had the grace to be a bit shamefaced about it...

Scottishtanguera · 10/04/2013 09:36

OP, you are totally NBU - I could start a thread about corporate wank-speak. It makes me have violent thought every day I spend in my office with all of the pointless, patronising crap already mentioned flying around.

Our head office is in the US and it seems to filter insidiously over from there....

By far the worst is 'moving forwards' (think I started a thread about it in Pendants' Corner once) - no one in our office does anything 'from now on' or 'in future' Angry
Grin at the poster who said they have never known time go backwards - I am so nicking that (not that it will make any differenceSad)

rhinestone · 10/04/2013 09:43

Used to work for an international consultancy company - NOT a high caliber famous one, but a mediocre one where everyone nonetheless had delusions of their own wonderfulness!

We had going forward, touching base, low hanging fruit, facilitate etc etc but also -

Let's extend our footprint - do new things / find new clients
Blue skies thinking - having ideas
Fit the envelope - do what our clients ask (always said as if doing what clients ask you to do is an incredibly novel concept)
the 200lb gorilla - any problem that no-one knows how to deal with
engagement - staff doing what they're paid to do
horizon scanning - looking for new clients, opportunities
coaching - asking a subordinate to do something, 'Can you coach Bob to touch base with Dave about horizon scanning for low hanging fruit and facilitating some blue skies thinking re the 200lb gorilla?'

We weren't even American!!

I had several appraisals where I was told I didn't seem engaged with the culture!

MrsLion · 10/04/2013 09:46

My workplace is riddled with this nonsense. It's hilarious:

  • things don't just 'move forwards' now people ask how projects are 'travelling'
  • taking things 'offline'
  • 'low hanging fruit'
  • talking 'to' things or concepts instead of about them I.e 'MrsLion would you like to talk to the PR campaign?'

-lots of made up verbs usually from a noun 'leveraging', 'actioning', 'tasking', 'evidencing'

  • 'deliverables'
  • getting 'face time' ie with a client
Floweryhat · 10/04/2013 09:51

Do proposals in your workplace " wash their face"? Grin

rhinestone · 10/04/2013 09:53

Oh, and I absolutely promise this is true -

We wanted to extend our footprint into growing economies and had 'interest' groups spanning different teams across the company for various countries. One such country was Nigeria where we already had a few clients. I went to one meeting where a Powerpoint presentation and accompanying report on our strategy (which was being emailed around the entire company including the board) was called, "Nigeria Interest Group - Generating Extra Revenue".

I was not popular when I pointed out we really needed to change the title as it was very offensive. (Look at the first letters and I apologise for any offence). Amazingly senior director there didn't think it mattered Hmm

Hopasholic · 10/04/2013 09:58

I now have this going on in my head:

'Darliiing, reach out! I'll be there, to love and comfort you u u'

Maybe you could sing that to him and sweep your arm in front of you Grin

Who sang that then?

HollyBerryBush · 10/04/2013 10:00

Have you ever come across this one?

"lets take a sexy walk together across the rubicon" ?

Hmm
QuietTiger · 10/04/2013 10:02

Ask him if he wants to "Think outside of the box with wild blue sky thinking and then get back to you at the close of play with his creative thought process"... (translates as "tell me your dumb ideas later") Wink

Flobbadobs · 10/04/2013 10:03

WTF does low hanging fruit mean?
DH does 'blue sky thinking' in his job, usually in the pub on liquid lunches..

QuietTiger · 10/04/2013 10:03

OMG Rhinestone - that's appalling!

Fast · 10/04/2013 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LadyBigtoes · 10/04/2013 10:09

Oh... Blush I hate corporate wankspeak with a passion but - I do sign off "Best". I like it because it's really quick and non-touchy-feely and appropriate for most clients.

Sorry!

LadyBigtoes · 10/04/2013 10:13

btw I'm self-employed and have been for most of my career, the reason being that I couldn't survive office wankspeak and politics - was burned out after 3 years. If someone used the reach out/sourcing/going forward bolleaux with me I would just go "WHAT? WHAT? Oohhhh, you mean buy it, right got you" etc - not to be nasty, just wanted to be clear. Didn't make myself popular.

I now also know people who say "going forward" etc. not just at work but in daily/social life. Aaaarrrrgggghhh!

Startail - "I've never known time go backwards." Love it.

hortensemancini · 10/04/2013 10:15

I like 'reach out' and 'circle back'. I'm imagining the whole office doing a Westlife-style bar-stool dance with lots of impassioned air-grabbing.