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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an inappropriate way to refer doctors/nurses/police

40 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 09/04/2013 13:51

just back from taking DC2 for vaccinations and the chap before me wandered out of the treatment room saying to his son "yeah nasty nurse". I've heard it lots before and also heard parents saying "if you don't stop doing xyz then that policeman over there will come and get you".
Is it just me who thinks that children should not be made to be afraid of police and be taught that they are there to do good, are approachable if you need help etc?
Similarly, yes vaccinations aren't pleasant but this does make the nurse "nasty" in any way

OP posts:

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 09/04/2013 13:52

YANBU

MrsMorton · 09/04/2013 14:01

Try being a dentist! We're all profiteering bastards, sadists, some other things that I can't remember...

ConfusedPixie · 09/04/2013 15:51

YADNBU. My 2yo charge managed to overheard somebody tell their child that the police were all out to get us or some other nonsense. From the day she started walking around town her mother and I have been pointing out policemen/women and council workers so she knows where to go if she's ever lost. A year's worth of hard work down the drain as she's now terrified of them

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu · 09/04/2013 17:09

It is wrong, they are there to help not be scared of.

Have heard parents of children many a times use the 'if you don't behave ill call the police'

LouiseSmith · 09/04/2013 18:50

I have said to my DS who is 3, that police man will tell you off if you do that again.

Doctors and nurses not so much, but police officers are there to punish people when they are being "naughty." I think a small fear for the repercussions of there actions is not a bad thing, they will have to grow up and learn that if they are naughty, they will be punished.

If I was to go outside a damage my neighbours car in a tantrum because I couldn't get my own way I would be done by the police, its the same principle, just for a 3 year old.

issypiggle · 09/04/2013 18:59

it drives my dp a bit bonkers if he hears parents say that about the police. in some circumstances i understand it but if the child was lost and needed to approach the police they would be terrified.

we told dd once, she was having a full on tantrum and lashing out we told her that if she ever did that again she'd be spoken to by one of dp's friends and they may take her away.

it worked, and dd knows that docs/nurses/dentist and police are there to help.

we make a thing to point out uniforms just in case, and it has know become a game as to dd pointing out different uniforms.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 09/04/2013 19:01

I have referred to nurses as 'bad' before, I say the same about myself if I have to take a splinter out or give them eye drops or the like I'll say something like 'oh I'm a bad mum but I only want to make you better' and I will say similar about a nurse, I have heard nurses say it about themselves too.

I haven't said it about police or threatened my children with anyone else telling them off, to me thats like sending a message that I am not important enough to be listened to, but that person over there is. I'm not sure that you can compare and adult trashing a car to a 3 year old taking a tantrum either

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 09/04/2013 19:03

YANBU. I also think it is a bit feeble as a parent if your word doesn't count unless backed up by a policeman!

scotlass · 09/04/2013 19:03

YANBU

I used to walk into the Health Centre I worked in and hear mums threatening the kids with if you don't behave that lady will give you a jag.

Doesn't help when part of your job is to give children their immunisations.

If your kid gets lost the first person you want them to go to is a police officer.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 09/04/2013 19:05

Issypiggle - you told your daughter someone might take her away because she had a tantrum? That is really horrid.

Loftyjen · 09/04/2013 19:06

Definitely BU, I use to be a Paeds ED nurse & on several occasions had parents in front of me tell their children that if they didn't behave I'd give them an injection
I would immediately, in front of the child firmly tell the parent that I wasn't, and that comments like that would affect my relationship with the child & make their role ten times harder as they'd have to coax a non-cooperative child into complying with the care needed.
Typical reaction from the parent would be a giggle -seemed to find it all quite amusing

ChunkyPickle · 09/04/2013 19:09

I wouldn't ever say that about anyone who's role is to help DS - I need him to trust doctors/nurses/policemen and not be afraid of them..

For this reason I'm also always honest - that something will taste bad, that something might hurt a little bit, but it'll make him better and he has to be brave. I know I'm lucky, but so far, despite a stint in hospital having blood drawn, poked and prodded and having to take various nasty medicines he's still fine about going to the doctor, and can be persuaded to take medicine as long as I explain what's going to happen.

ConfusedPixie · 09/04/2013 19:10

"I also think it is a bit feeble as a parent if your word doesn't count unless backed up by a policeman!" - That is exactly how I feel about it. My older charges understand perfectly well that if they misbehave when they grow up, then the police will have something to say to them. They also know that the police won't take them away for being naughty as children.

issypiggle · 09/04/2013 19:18

ah, i would like to point out she was kicking and hitting out at me i had bruises....thats horrid.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 09/04/2013 19:22

Yeah, but she was a child, no? It's a despicable thing to say to a kid. But I can't deny you have the right to say it.

OHforDUCKScake · 09/04/2013 19:28

A terrible, shite CM that briefly looked after my son used to tell her son that police will take him away if he was naughty. Ive never seen a child scream in such terror when near an officer. I made damed sure she didnt do that to my son!

Mind you, that was nothing compared to what else she used to do, before she was struck off.

issypiggle · 09/04/2013 19:34

so hang on it's despicable thing for me to say, yet it isn't for my dd to kick and hit me...mmm ok.

i would like to point out that it hasn't happened since and we've had repercussions on it, and she will quite happily say hello to the police if she sees them in the street. so can someone explain to me why what i did was horrid...mmm, i don't think it was.

it was teaching my daughter that horrible actions have consequences and they are determined by her actions. that violence isn't tolerated by adults and the police get involved, so if she starts being violent to me/other people etc she will have the police come and talk to her.

issypiggle · 09/04/2013 19:34

we've had no repercussions on it-stupid laptop

BackforGood · 09/04/2013 19:43

YANBU - I agree. Lots of parents also use it with teachers.... "I'll tell Mrs So and So if you don't..."

ConfusedPixie · 09/04/2013 19:44

" she'd be spoken to by one of dp's friends and they may take her away" This is the problem issy. You told a child that the police may take her away. That is wrong. Children need to trust the police, not feel threatened by them.

issypiggle · 09/04/2013 19:54

some people are probs over reacting, there was no repercussions from telling dd that, she was fine, she still is.

i agree children need to trust the police but if my child does something that as an adult would be illegal i'm not gonna pussy-foot round it. i don't agree with parents that say it for every little thing, but once in a while just to make the child think about their actions i'm all for it.

and tbh, i honest couldn't give a monkeys if you lot don't like my parenting style, coz my dd isn't doing too badly out of it.

ConfusedPixie · 09/04/2013 20:03

And what about other children? Other kids hear these things from other parents, as with my 2yo above. Or from their friends at school, which was the case with my SEN 8yo charge who still distrusts police officers. I feel strongly about it because two children I care for are now in situations where if they did get lost or needed help, they won't feel able to approach the people who would be able to help them best because other people told their children that the police would come to get them.

Telling your child that it's something an adult would be in trouble with the police for is one thing, telling your child that they may get taken by the police for doing it is another and is a line that really shouldn't be crossed.

pigletmania · 09/04/2013 20:08

Yabu who hasent sad they will call the police in desoaration when nothing will wrk, we are not all perfect

DeepRedBetty · 09/04/2013 20:08

yy ConfusedPixie

I've always seen my job when I take dtds to doctor etc as being to support the professionals, and only once have I ever disagreed with one. A rather officious Health Visitor - and even then I had my disagreement with her out of the children's hearing.

DeepRedBetty · 09/04/2013 20:10

And pigletmania the only policemen and women mine know are friends of ours, they're uncle this and auntie that, so that would be an epic fail if I tried it...

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