Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that even if you're sleazy enough to think wolf-whistling is a compliment...

241 replies

BedHanger · 08/04/2013 18:00

There are some groups of women you'd spare from the honour of your attention?

Like, maybe, a sleep-deprived new mother with a month-old baby strapped to her chest?

Yeuch. Why do some men think this is ok?

OP posts:
BedHanger · 10/04/2013 23:06

Erm, I have no idea if they were builders or not. Two young blokes, one in a white van (which I only clocked after he drew attention to himself) and the other standing outside it.

I have no snobbery around professions. But like SparkleyBoots I very consciously avoid making eye contact with groups of men looking at me, or even single men looking at me. Sadly, experience has shown that many of those choosing to ignore the unwritten social norm that says without some kind of icebreaker we generally don't acknowledge strangers in the street - well, many of those men have harassed me.

OP posts:
BedHanger · 10/04/2013 23:07

Sorry, completely mangled your name there Sparklyboots.

OP posts:
MechanicalTheatre · 10/04/2013 23:11

Men don't do it because they fancy you.

They do it to intimidate you and make their mates laugh.

I get it constantly and I hate it. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel like a piece of meat. It makes me feel like I am not allowed to walk down my own street without being assessed by men.

TheSydenhamSet · 10/04/2013 23:13

I once had a man eyeing me up on the street when I was 7/8 months pregnant. Bleugh

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 10/04/2013 23:16

Pope I have been wolf whistled by someone my dad worked with before. The guys face was a picture when he realised he had whistled at his bosses daughter. A whistle is nothing to me, it doesn't phase ne. If anything I'm jealous as I cant even whistle Grin

Long as they aren't shouting 'get ya tits out' 'get ya rat out' etc it doesn't bother me.

Sparklyboots · 11/04/2013 01:02

The guys face was a picture when he realised he had whistled at his bosses daughter which is a clue to how wolf whistling is understood by men - it's not seen as respectful, at the very least...

I'm not sure whether it's helpful to think in this context about whether we, personally feel upset or threatened or not? Rather, it seems more pertinent to consider the social context of the behaviour in order to evaluate whether the OP is reasonable in wishing not to be involved in such situations?

Researchers looking at this behaviour do seem largely to agree that it is usually associated with men performing masculine acts for the benefit of other men. See this for example which includes

^Street harassment occurs because our society has always allowed it and dismissed the behaviour as "men being men", says Hadleigh-West.

"Culturally, men have been indoctrinated into it, and it's been a privilege for them to walk down the street fantasising about women. The culture hasn't checked the behaviour."

Because society has perpetuated this as a cultural norm, men tend to engage in street harassment as a way to prove their masculinity, says Northeastern University associate professor of sociology Kathrin Zippel.

"Often times it's not really about the women, it's just about the men performing masculine acts for each other and establishing a pecking order amongst themselves. What is really going on is the dynamic among men.^

The key here is that it is 'the dynamic among men' which is at play when men wolf-whistle and cat-calling, in which women are props for the performance of masculine identity. Whether I would feel harrassed, or you would, or any individual would or would not feel harrassed is not really salient - because the behaviour itself is not really interested in the feelings of the 'target'. Therefore, I think it's totally reasonable to resent being brought into someone else's bid for masculine identity without consent or consideration; it's reasonable to resent being used as a prop; and that it is irrelevant whether or not other women would 'mind' in the same situation.

MechanicalTheatre · 11/04/2013 02:26

Sparklyboots, high five. I think that is a very well-written post and what I tried to say above in a less educated sounding way!

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 11/04/2013 06:00

Oh dear, I realise this sounds terrible, but I totally cringe when I hear women say they get a buzz out of a wolf whistle... Really...? :-/

These threads are always enlightening - the people who get wolf whistles all the time, or frequently, tend to hate them. The people who rarely, if ever get them, are flattered. Which unfortunately says it all, really.

I genuinely cannot see what's flattering about it. I can do better, mate. A lot better. If you think a whistle from a neandethal like you is going to get me blushing and giggling in uncontained glee, you're even more deluded than you are butt fugly.

Of course, this ^^ makes me sound like a total stuck-up bitch. Which I'm utterly not to anyone who doesn't wolf-whistle at me. So, problem solved. :)

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 11/04/2013 06:02

Oh, and fabulous post from Sparklyboots.

rustybusty · 11/04/2013 06:54

I get them all the time and I dont mind. I prefer the compliments, and yeah I will admit I will hate it when its the day when people stop saying your pretty, good looking, amazing body etc because it means I am passed it.

I think if you are used to constant compliments from people the idea of losing them is quite scary. I admit it is.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 11/04/2013 08:03

Compliments and wolf whistles are two entirely separate things, though...?

DuelingFanjo · 11/04/2013 08:32

I wonder, would the people who think it's flattering and don't look forward to the day it stops still be flattered if they were whistled and 'oi, oi'ed at when old and infirm? When they think about their grandmothers do they think they would enjoy it?

Oblomov · 11/04/2013 08:56

I like wolf whistling. I don't have a problem with it. I don't think is sleazy or offensive.
I don't think I have ever been wolf whistled at. I might have been , but I don't think so. Dh was shocked at this. But he has rose tinted specs.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/04/2013 10:28

Excellent post, Sparklyboots, it does put it all into perspective. I am nobody's prop.

yy to DonDraper's complements and wolf-whistles are two entirely separate things. Occasionally I've had men (and women) sidle up and comment on my perfume, clothes, smile, eyes, whatever. It's a completely different thing when it's personalised and you're not part of knuckle-dragging posturing and public 'appraisal'.

I wonder if the women who 'preen' at the whilstles ever look back and see the whistler making gestures, joking and laughing at the woman? I've seen that, being some distance behind the woman in question. I felt horrible for her and I'm glad she didn't look back.

countrykitten · 11/04/2013 11:53

I do wonder at this too - the women who enjoy this kind of attention perhaps do not realise that much of it is macho piss taking. I find it worrying that certain women will use wolf whistles etc as a marker of their own attractiveness - where is your self worth?

Pendeen · 11/04/2013 12:03

Most of the larger building firms have strict policies about wolf whistles and other forms of harassment.

Most smaller firms, certainly round here (rural west Cornwall) probably know me or their customers anyway and don't want to risk future work.

I have to visit building sites almost every day and although I have been leered or wolf whistled at, it would only happen once because when they realise I'm the architect and thus carry the client/ employer's authority they very quickly change their attitude.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 11/04/2013 12:04

This is a load if bollocks tbh. No self worth because they don't find offensive in a whistle?

I don't find offense in a whistle or a bit of banter. I have self worth though thanks.

Any excuse to be offended

ICBINEG · 11/04/2013 12:23

pendeen that is a fabulous example of how a whistle isn't something to be proud of/ isn't meant as a compliment.

If it was then they would be just as happy to do it once they realise you are a significant person to them. But of course as soon as they realise they owe you some respect they stop immediately.

rustybusty · 11/04/2013 13:48

Yeah I think Im talking more of the general complimenting thing that I love the most. I think its a scary prospect that when your really old people wont be doing it all the time. I dislike the thought of that immensely. I know it sounds vain and shallow, but its my honest feeling.

LaQueen · 11/04/2013 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sudaname · 11/04/2013 14:02

So have I SPsFanjo in bucketfuls and l am not offended by it. I think the problem on here is that we are now being put into two categories:
Those that are dead against it = women with self respect and those who enjoy it/love it/makes their day etc = women with no self respect.
Well it doesn't upset or offend me but on the other hand l don't measure my worth as a woman by it. It doesn't make my day particularly either. I simply dont mind it, As l said upthread l just laugh it off, roll my eyes or shake my head in mock dismay and walk on.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 11/04/2013 14:06

What side am I now? Grin

Just cant get offended my a whistle. I envy those that can whistle! A whistle or a beep is not offensive to me.

And those that shout 'get ya buts out' make me laugh as I know if I lifted my shirt or skirt they wouldn't know what to do!

I might walk past the builders today shouting 'get ya knob out'. I cant whistle but can shout 'swit swoo'

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 11/04/2013 14:06

Meant to say bits not buts but that works Grin

LaQueen · 11/04/2013 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sudaname · 11/04/2013 14:11

Where do you live SP ?

< imagines DH coming in tonight and saying 'you'll never guess what?' Grin >