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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For £250 is one "thank you" drink too much to ask?

109 replies

MarinaIvy · 08/04/2013 16:08

Not sure if this is AIBU or WWYD or WhoopDeFrickinDoo...

Recently got laser eye surgery. They all do "refer a friend" incentives, so I asked around. One acquaintance sent through a referral voucher, which I used to book my appointment. For this he will get £250. (FTR, the company were good at medical stuff, crap at admin).

Now, I'm the kind of person who would say "thank you for this windfall" by buying my victim friend a drink afterwards, and I plan to when I start referring people. It's just civil, I feel. We work in the same part of town; a drink or a lunch would be geographically convenient. A 6" Subway and a bench in the nearby gardens and chatting about How It Went would have been fine.

During the run-up to the procedure I mentioned lightly he'll certainly be able to afford to buy me a drink afterwards with his £250. The only time he came close to acknowledging was: "oh, the wife has spent it already" or flat-out ignored or played dumb. (BTW, no, it's not because he can't afford it - he earns easily twice what I do, and our partners earn similar to each other.) Didn't hear much from him at all, in fact.

Until I got an email from him on Friday, saying that the company denies all knowledge of the referral: did I use his referral?, and can I please get onto the company to clear this up. My reply was: "as much as I am ready to believe it's [company] screwing up, there's a small, very thirsty part of me that is pondering whether it's just karma giving you a spanking." He replied with yet another "don't know what you mean".

And now I've heard from him again today, chasing! Have I gotten on to the company?!? Sorry to be a pain...

I'm now past wondering (or caring) if I'm ever going to have a pleasant chat with him or even a specific and sincere "thank you for this referral money". And I sure as feck don't want to drag anything out of anybody if they don't want to give it.

I dunno, what do I want? Apart from clarification that this guy is being deliberately thick and IANBU?

Do I want to reply to his email in words that even he can understand that he's been a git? (and, if so, suggestions as to what those words would be).

Do I want to, or or not, fix the admin problem so he gets the stupid £250? What?

OP posts:

FeckOffCup · 09/04/2013 10:00

I've been on the other side of this from the OP, a while ago an acquaintance on facebook needed some work done on the house and asked if anyone could recommend a good company that could do it. We had just had similar work to what they were getting done by a local company so I commented with the company name and phone number. A couple of days later she messaged me to say they had told her that as it was a personal recommendation that the recommender would get a small referral fee, think it was around £40 and her message was to say we should split it or go out for a bar lunch or something with it. I was slightly pissed off that she thought she had a claim on the referral money as surely that was rightfully mine and I would rather use it to treat my DD to something than go out for lunch. It turned out she got several quotes and went with someone else anyway so it wasn't an issue in the end though.

KobayashiMaru · 09/04/2013 10:09

You want someone to say thank you for something that they haven't got?

glossyflower · 09/04/2013 10:12

feck you most definitely need a spanking then LOL [grins]

BobblyGussets · 09/04/2013 10:43

Op, I think you have got the message, but wanted to ask: aren't you cringing now?
I am kind of laughing and cringing at your behaviour.
You might even have made me blush at your "thirsty, spanking" antics.

Gales · 09/04/2013 10:53

He hasn't had the money and he doesn't want to go it for a drink with you.

TBH in his position i probably would intend to send you chocs or wine when i got the cash, but the fact that you asked would make me think again.

The fact that you are so keen to go out with this married man comes over a bit creepy imo which could be another reason he'd rather not .

WinkyWinkola · 09/04/2013 10:57

Since when does a favour require a payback in terms of a drink or a lunch?

Why is a simple thank you never enough?

Why do you want more from this guy, op?

Bizarre and grabby. Unless you are very poor?

everlong · 09/04/2013 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinoSnores · 09/04/2013 11:19

I think this is just hilarious and did actually make me LOL!

"Until I got an email from him on Friday, saying that the company denies all knowledge of the referral: did I use his referral?, and can I please get onto the company to clear this up. My reply was: "as much as I am ready to believe it's [company] screwing up, there's a small, very thirsty part of me that is pondering whether it's just karma giving you a spanking." He replied with yet another "don't know what you mean"."

I can only imagine how confused (and scared!) he must have been getting this email. No wonder he's trying to avoid you now! Well done, marina, for just leaving it now.

Lottashakingoinon · 09/04/2013 11:37

Yes in spite of the fact that everyone is telling Marina she is being desperately U and not a little weird, I love the way she is so upbeat about it all. Doncha just love her

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