She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

[Clumsyoaf]

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

[BinarySolo]

If someone hit my child hard enough to leave a bruise I don't think I would be unreasonable to want the slapper to receive a police caution. From the texts she sent she has shown no remorse and is trying to gloss over things.

The advice re military wives does not seem appropriate here as surely the slapper would also need to be a military wife, and since op said she'd made a snide comment about those serving in the forces shouldn't have kids, I suspect she is not.

[Oblomov]

sorry to be dim, but I just don't 'GET' what has happened in the latter part of the thread.

[sweetiepie1979]

Looks like Amanda Holden and Vanessa feltz had a point! This thread does not do mn any favours. I think there's a few people who might consider name changing after reading their posts from last night.
OP whatever is happening with your situation now I hope you've found some comfort in strangers and to hell with the rest of em. Goodluck.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Oblomov I wouldn't even bother, it's not worth it... I will sum up. Lots of bitchiness and name calling, a segue into the world of Dickens and Moliere, bit of sharing about forces wives, some one-upmanship.

OP hasn't been back in a while. I'm hoping things are working out for her, and that she is name changing as many have recommended.

[MummytoKatie]

binary - I was just about to post the same thing about military wives.

Personally I think the Op has reacted appropriately. She didn't scream and shout, she didn't hit the woman, she didn't dial 999. What happened is, by law, defined as battery so a crime has been committed. She is therefore, calmly, asking advise from the people whose jobs are to deal with crime in this country.

I also do slightly worry about the children of the hitting woman. There is a difference between what you do to your own children and other peoples and what you do in public and private.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Oh my fucking word!

Just exactly what MrsMango and sweetie said. Disgusting!

[clam]

I'm wondering how an open-handed smack on the bottom (through clothing, I presume) could have left a bruise. Surely that would have required more of a punch? There's quite a bit of flesh in that region.

(Not doubting the OP particularly, just wondering how angry this other woman must have been)

[Groovee]

Clumsy hasn't said that these are forces wives that she's made friends with. A lot of my friends are forces wives but they don't live in the forces community. They live where their family are and when their husbands are deployed it can be a long and lonely life and real life friends are what they need.

So if they are just a local group of mums from playgroup then what would be the point in Clumsy contacting an Officer's Wife to sort the group out?

Clumsy sorry you're missing out on being social today but hope the others come to yours for coffee and cake and you can move on with them as friends.

[Eeeeeowwwfftz]

I gathered that the aggressive mother in question was not a forces wife, on the grounds that the OP had reported being on the receiving end of snide comments about being one from the mother in question.

I cannot think of any circumstances under which it would be reasonable for another person to discipline your child in this way unless you had explicitly agreed in advance that this would be ok. If someone else's child was causing strife or potential danger to others in the absence of their parent, it might be reasonable to remove that child from the situation and keep them company until the parent in question returns. As a parent one might suffer a bruised ego, but there's no excuse for humiliating someone else's child in front of a group, and even less for hitting them. This rather basic point seems to be eluding a rather worrying large number of people...

[KateSMumsnet]

Afternoon everyone,

Thank you to everyone who has reported this thread to us. We can see that things have gotten a bit heated. We'd like to remind you all of out talk guidelines.

We'd also like to say that if you have suspicions about a poster, the best thing to do is to report them to us. Troll hunting just derails the thread, whereas a quick report to us can often nip a situation in the bud, before things spiral out of control.

We're going to go through the thread now and delete personal attacks and troll hunting.

[alwayslateforwork]

Interesting views about military wives here.

I've offered support to many wives in many circumstances in the past (some of them very ordinary, some slightly bizarre) when personnel are deployed. And people have called me to ask advice or for help.

I can quite confidently say that no one has ever called to ask what to do about a non-forces wife (or even a military spouse) who has slapped her kid.

And, tbh, I hope they never do. Nowt to do with me.

What a spectacularly bizarre derail, and that's without the 'look at me I'm so clever and looking down at y'all' blathering from that strange poster who insisted on changing a poster's username in some sort of intellectual (ha) top trumps attempt. But was so busy being jolly clever that she hadn't twigged the group wasn't a military friendship circle.

Bizarre.

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

Jesus Christ! This is 29 pages long and mostly a load of nonsense.

OP, I hope you get some resolution to this via the police.

I also suggest you change your name.

[Misspixietrix]

Do 4yo's behave impeccably? Mine certainly doesn't but I give appropriate discipline where necessary i.e the naughty step/time out.
I'd be livid if someone else had hit my kid too but shock often makes us react differently I think.

Hope the OP and her kid are okay ~

[megandraper]

Is your DD a recently-diagnosed coeliac, OP? I saw mention of her finding switching to gluten-free difficult. You might find her behaviour improves when she's been g-f for a while. Irritability is a recognised symptom for coeliacs eating gluten. My coeliac 5yo has become a calmer person since going gluten-free. It is a huge transition, and your DD might well be 'acting out' because of this, to some extent. Good luck, we are finding that things are constantly improving on the g-f journey.

[marquesas]

I haven't been able to read every post but alwayslateforwork I thought this was a group of forces wives hence the rather strange behaviour of the women imo anyway.

I have to agree about this thread not not showing MN in a good light, over the past few days I noticed other threads where a large number of posters disagree with the OP, one or two agree with her and are instantly rounded on by the others and accused of being sockpuppets. It's pathetic the way anyone who disagrees against the majority is shouted down.

[flaminhoopsaloolah]

Quietly - I compketely agree with you. Im wishing Id never set foot in AIBIU - for some reason some people seem to think being in this forum gives them licence to behave however the hell they like.

[MadameDefarge]

which is why we need to challenge it on the thread, and report it. don't let the bullies win!

[differentnameforthis]

the school banned a 4 yr old from the school premises

Yes, because my daughter was the fourth child she had attacked & her mother did not supervise her at all. One child got pushed on the floor & banged her head! I know that it is not all the child's fault, but her mother ran off to hide when she saw what her daughter was doing....hardly the kind of family we need around babies/young children. What else should we have done? Why should children waiting for older siblings be at risk of being hurt?

Oh & she wasn't a pupil at the school, as they don't start here until they are 5

[topsyandturvy]

op , what happened in the end then?????

[MammaTJ]

There might not be an end yet. I know when I was accused (falsely I might add) of hurting a child, it took a few days from the police seeing the people who made the complaint, then coming to see me, then going to see my friend who was a witness to what really happened.

[mummytime]

"Differentnameforthis - I just find that story so sad. Did the school try to get the 4 year old help? Did they talk to the mother? (I assume she has other children at the school.) Did they contact any outside agencies to try to get her help?

I have a child who has been violent and behaved inappropriately at times; it can make you want to hide and not be seen in the playground. It would be even worse if the events happened in the playground. Actually it is still hard for me, as I only know a few people who have complained who have the guts to talk to me about it, so I don't know who else I speak to in the playground may have made a complaint. Of course other parents who have heard stories also have no idea what is going on behind the scenes.

However OP your daughter does not sound that bad in the incident you relate.

[differentnameforthis]

They had lots of issues with her brother. I don't know if they offered her any help for this issue, but I know that the family was "known" to the school as the daughter kept coming in with injuries.

She was barely a yr old & she has a broken arm. Mum blamed it on her brother, who was aggressive too, so the school certainly tried to sort his aggression. Not sure happened as we transferred schools shortly after (not because of this)

[JaxTellerIsAllMine]

OP I hope you get some resolution to this soon. And hope some of the other parents come round to yours for coffee/play with the little ones tomorrow.

Please do update when you get time.

differentname that is so sad. Hope the family got help, you would never know if the school involved CPS or SS as it is confidential. We can only hope.

[candyandyoga]

Any update op?