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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
CharlMascara · 09/04/2013 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/04/2013 20:56
Confused

I don't think it is LovePickles that needs the grip...................

MNHQ is aware of this thread; they've appeared on it and reminded everyone of the Talk Guidelines with regards to Troll Hunting.

If you think the OP is a troll, then surely the best thing is simply to leave the thread and not feed...?

It seems that this is just Too Difficult for some people, though.

LovePickles · 09/04/2013 20:57

Hang on I must have entered the f'n twilight zone, Dearest Charl suggesting I get a grip? Oh the hypocrisy of it all.

CharlMascara · 09/04/2013 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/04/2013 21:01

If you genuinely find it so odd as to be unbelievable, then it's probably best to ignore her threads.

LtEveDallas · 09/04/2013 21:06

Clumsy, I've said it before and I'll say it again now. You need to name change. Whilst people are raking up the past you will never move on. If you want to be a part of this site and all the benefits it will bring; the companionship, the handholding, the laughs and the tears then you need to let to of the Clumsy name and start afresh. MN at its best is wonderful and you can meet a million and one different people with a million and one different lives (and a varied degree of problems in their lives!)

That way maybe people will stop the troll hunting and you can get the support you are after.

MadameDefarge · 09/04/2013 21:08
DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 09/04/2013 21:08

^^ Great suggestion.

MadameDefarge · 09/04/2013 21:10

If I were being rude, I would tell Charl to bugger off. But I am not. If you suspect something is not as it should be, report it. don't speculate on the thread. read the bloody rules. and stop derailing.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 09/04/2013 21:21

I do not understand why some people just can't hide a thread if they have ishoos with what/who it is about! Or just report and be done...

CrapBag · 09/04/2013 21:31

Bloody hell!!! I have lurked on this thread since the beginning but I cannot believe the way it has gone.

OP, this woman did a terrible thing and you have such self control for not going ape shit then and there, you were probably too gobsmacked really! I think I would have been. Glad you are getting it sorted although how you are resisting responding to her texts I really don't know!! I wouldn't have that level of self control to not tell the ignorant fucking mother exactly what she had done. I would be interested to see how much the rest of the group bother with her now. If I witnessed a friend hit a child in the group, she wouldn't be my friend anymore.

There are some nasty people on here. Some people do have shitty lives and always having some crap going on. I am one of those people and one of my friends is. The rest of the group seem to have such easy lives and you can guarantee that if something crap is going to happen, then it will be me or my friend, every time, does my fucking nut in and its happening yet again now. It doesn't mean that people aren't being truthful though. Oh to have such an easy life that you think people with actual problems are just making it up for attention. Hmm

JamieOliveOil · 09/04/2013 21:36

Did anyone listen to Justine Roberts on Radio 2 yesterday? It was a feature about Amanda Holden criticising MN after she was shown a thread from last year which contained some horrible comments following her return to work with her newborn. She said that MN was critical and judgemental of people. A journalist spoke about her experiences of MN and that it was an angry and unsupportive place to be.

I've got to say, this thread is a perfect example of just that - mean, judgemental, sarcastic comments from some people who disbelieve the OP and hope to trip her up. Worse still, are the comments suggesting that she is a bad parent or that a FOUR year old is a brat for displaying perfectly age- appropriate behaviour.

I understand that people may be suspicious of the OP for having a few 'interesting' stories over the last few months but, honestly, life can be like that. If you knew some of the things me and my family have been through over the last couple of years, you'd probably think I was a liar and a fantisist. That really is just life - quiet times then an almighty rush of chaos and drama.

If you suspect troll, leave the thread and report to HQ. Don't continue to question the OP as you simply make yourselves sound mean and it can scare off genuine posters that require advice.

Uppatreecuppatea · 09/04/2013 21:36

I think it's awful that someone smacked OP's child. I'd be upset too. I wouldn't have 'smashed the face in" of the other woman though (how bloody ridiculous)- I'd probably have walked out and then dealt with it myself afterwards when tempers had cooled.

Calling the police is TOTT and waste of their time.

If OP is in a situation where her DH is away in the forces, then she will have to rely on her network of friends. Calling the police in will seriously compromise OP's situation and divide a group of mums/kids.

I think a lot of posters at the beginning of this thread have goaded the OP into calling the police when she probably knows its not in her (or her DDs) ultimate self-interest. She needs support - not to be the pariah.

I also think it's ridiculous to call smacking a child on the bum "assault". It reduces the word 'assault' to something quite meaningless.

Good luck OP. Sounds like your life is quite tricky right now.

MadameDefarge · 09/04/2013 21:46

uppatree. you might like to join the rest of us in the 21st century. as for implying the OP will be ostracised if she pursues any action, how very dare you? If anyone spanked my child they would feel the full force of my displeasure, within legal and moral limits, and that of the law. Beat your children all you want, as the law, shamefully, alllows it. Don't beat others.

Uppatreecuppatea · 09/04/2013 21:56

Oi, head-lopper! Grin.

I was a forces wife for years. I just happen to know that dividing a small community of women when they depend on each other will ultimately be self-destructive for the OP and the 'group'.

There are better ways to deal with this.

I would be outraged if someone smacked my child but I would handle it myself within the full extent of the moral limits in my charge (and in the cases of the forces, I would contact the person who is in charge of pastoral care for the families left behind - believe me, there is a HUGE support network). Calling the police would have been the last thing on my list.

There would be a squadron leader's wife or a captain's wife who was there to help with these issues. Or the chaplain.

It's important to remember that OP has to live her life in that small community with her DH away. Her ongoing quality of life is just as important as reacting the appropriate way. These things can be dealt with delicately and with full opprobrium directed at the woman who hit OP's child.

Instead, the 'hitter' will probably feel victimised which is not the desired result. People close ranks and I'm afraid that the OP will be the loser.

LovePickles · 09/04/2013 21:58

It is assault as its defined in law. Unwanted intentional physical contact. In England it's know as battery. Would it be real assault if she's smacked her in the face, or if she smacked an adult on the bum? What about a man smacking a woman, he doesn't know, on the bum, in 'jest'? How is it different?

LovePickles · 09/04/2013 22:05

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd have no problem leaving behind a group of people if they felt I was in the wrong in this situation. Why would you want to be amongst people so fickle? Hopefully they are reasonable people and understand the OP's reaction.

MadameDefarge · 09/04/2013 22:07

fascinating to know that "the forces" are outside of societal norms. and that the wifes of senior officers are expected to arbitrate on matters of law.

Uppatreecuppatea · 09/04/2013 22:08

Love Pickles (so do I!).

Yes, we can all read verbiage about the definition of assault. The point I'm trying to make is that we diminish the term by it's over-use.

It's just common sense.

You also have to think of this woman's 'intent'. It most certainly wasn't to hurt the child - she probably did (stupidly) what she does to her own children.

Uppatreecuppatea · 09/04/2013 22:14

Head-lopper, have you been a forces wife?

What a word-twister you are! I hate the way you twist words - it's so dishonest and cowardly. Who said anything about the law?

It is very true that senior NCO and officer's wives AND pastors/pastoral care workers are there to advise and help in matters like this.

100%.

And if you knew anything about forces families you would know that you don't want to be on the outs with them. It's just the way it is.

dayshiftdoris · 09/04/2013 22:18

Uppa

The safety of children is secondary to the needs of adult women in a social circle?

Safeguarding issues (and smacking a child is exactly that) should never be dealt with 'in house' but yes it takes a strong person to challenge such issues.

Personally though I would rather challenge it and sleep well at night than leave it to the group to sort out.

And more to the point WHY would OP want to be a group of people that contains a woman who hit her child?

OP - it was a shocking incident... I hope its all resolved ASAP and you can move on.

MadameDefarge · 09/04/2013 22:19

Well, as most of those posting on the thread were unaware the OP was a "forces wife" you must forgive us for not knowing the intricacies of forces life that means an adult assaulting a child does not merit the attention of the law. gotcha.

Fakebook · 09/04/2013 22:20

I've got to hand it to you clumsyoaf. I actually remember every single AIBU thread you have ever created. All different topics, but all equally as shocking. Drama seems to follow you everywhere you go doesn't it? Let's hope things calm down for you once your DH comes back.

landofsoapandglory · 09/04/2013 22:21

I am a Forces wife and like fuck would I be contacting another wife who holds absolutely no authority whatsoever, if someone hit my child. I would be calling the police after I had screamed and sworn at the woman.

DH had his pre-deployment interview yesterday, he asked which serving member of his place of work I would want as a point of contact, there was no mention of me contacting another wife if I needed anything!

mummytime · 09/04/2013 22:24

The OP didn't state in her OP she was a forces wife, if she had my advice would have been different.

That is sad, because it means I know that forces families are to some extent living in a parallel society within Britain. They are not ruled by or conforming to the same moral code as at least "nice middle class" Britain does.