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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 08/04/2013 16:36

If someone came up to you in a soft play area and hit you, would there be a clamour for you to sort it out amicably with a chat? of course not.

Because we live in a society that normalises assaults on children, assaults on children will continue and go unpunished.

Because we teach our children that adults can assault them and it will be brushed under the carpet and it is acceptable, children will grow up believing that other people have the right to do things to their bodies and no one will stand up for them.

PoppadomPreach · 08/04/2013 16:37

elsie - I was expecting to think the same thing when I read the OP, however when I heard it had been a hard enough hit to leave a ark for hours, I think that warrants a call to the police.

If she had hit you hard enough to leave a mark, what would you have done - had a fight.

Don't imagine there will be any charges, but it would be very helpful for the police to go round to her house and perhaps explain why her action was unacceptable.

It is never acceptable to hit a child.

McNewPants2013 · 08/04/2013 16:40

even if it did'nt leave a mark i would still report this assult.

It is not acceptable to hit other people, why is the age of the person being assulted matter.

EldritchCleavage · 08/04/2013 16:43

I find it a bit odd people saying it doesn't merit police involvement. Hitting anyone, an adult or child, is assault. There is a very narrow exception to this allowing parents to hit their own children (but not other people's) as long as it is not hard enough to leave a mark.

Just because the mothers know each other socially does not make it ok. I can just imagine the threads on here if people at soft play felt they could start doling out slaps to any child in the vicinity whose parents they'd met when their behaviour displeased them.

Sallystyle · 08/04/2013 16:44

whois, I thought OP didn't notice the mark until after she posted this thread?

I hope you have called the police, OP.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/04/2013 16:48

I hope OP is busy talking to the police.

joolsangel · 08/04/2013 16:55

smacking someone elses child is a huge no no. I would be absolutely livid. I can understand that you were in shock so just left without saying anything to her. it would eat at me tho as well. next time you see her, and in front of other mums, I would take the issue up with her calmly. ask her for an explanation then let her explain without interrupting. regardless of what she says. simply tell her that absolutely under no circumstance does she ever ever raise her hand to your child again and that if she has an issue with your child being unruly then she comes to you first without hitting your child. I would also tell her not to lose her self control again with your child. I would aim to make her feel small but in a non aggressive way.

cerealqueen · 08/04/2013 16:55

If an adult hits another adult it is assult, but when it comes to children Ah it ok its only a child.

Exactly McNewPants2013. Well said.

elsie07 · 08/04/2013 17:03

I don't think anyone has suggested it is ok, perhaps just that the suggestions to go fucking CSI on it are a bit, well unnecessary.

EldritchCleavage · 08/04/2013 17:07

I don't think anyone has suggested it is ok, perhaps just that the suggestions to go fucking CSI on it are a bit, well unnecessary

Why, though? If someone slapped me I'd call 101. And someone slapping my 4 year old would be much worse than slapping me, in my view, not less serious.

KurriKurri · 08/04/2013 17:07

I don't think anyone has suggested 'going fucking CSI' on it - merely consulting the 101 police non emergency number.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/04/2013 17:12

Calling 101 is hardly going 'fucking CSI'. Hmm

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/04/2013 17:13

No Mixed. We DO NOT need to know ANYTHING else about this. An adult has hit a child....it is illegal and assault and it does not matter what the child was doing it's not allowed.

Call the Police OP.

marjproops · 08/04/2013 17:19

havent had time to read all posts here so if someone else has said this....didnt anyone else say anything to this woman, OP? your friends who are texting you?

someone should have come to your defence as you were too shocked to say anything at the time?

and i would complain to the softplay people to ban this woman from there.

Owllady · 08/04/2013 17:23

would you really call 101 if someone slapped you?

I don't think i would and I wouldn't if someone smacked one of my children on the bottom either. I would have spoken to them myself and would have expected an apology

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 17:23

I called 101 and I stressed that I was only after advice, the red mark is slowly turning a green purple colour. Someone is going to come and speak to me before 7 tonight or some time tomorrow. They told me I was right to call them and said I shouldn't respond to her message but to keep all other messages from other " witnesses". I called the soft play and explained the situation, one of the girls who works there saw her hit dd but didn't think anything of it as she assumed it was her child! I was still Hmm. The manager left at 3 but is back in tomorrow at 11.

OP posts:
porridgewithblueberries · 08/04/2013 17:24

Good for you clumsy - can't believe how hard she must have smacked your DD.

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 17:26

Sorry for the late reply, was sat indoors stewing but thought no I need to get the kids out Otis beautiful day. Btw she did resend the same message to me at 4 I haven't responded, but have had other messages on whatsapp saying hope u ok etc were going swimming on Wednesday and some of the other moms have asked on whatsapp if they will see me then....

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 08/04/2013 17:27

owl what if u didn't get an apology? Would it be ok for people just to slap you and dc ?

Oblomov · 08/04/2013 17:29

Very sorry to read this Op. You have done the right thing.

moonabove · 08/04/2013 17:30

I would have gone ballistic so I quite admire the OP for defusing the immediate situation by removing herself and her dc. Now that she's had time to think about what happened then phoning 101 was absolutely the right thing to do.

Sounds like this person is trying to pretend that nothing happened so it's good to know you have an 'independent' witness at the play place.

catsmother · 08/04/2013 17:31

Clumsy, I really think you did the right thing. I hope the advice you get when the police come to speak to you then helps you decide what to do next. Your poor daughter - green/purple sounds like she's bruised - which must have taken quite some force to do. Can't believe the gall of the woman texting you as if nothing untoward happened - but ignoring her is the best advice, apart from anything it means she has to sweat a bit and consider (hopefully) what she's done. Hope your DD isn't too upset still.

Owllady · 08/04/2013 17:31

I am going to have to be honest now and I think if a grown woman slapped me or my children I would have most probably have slapped them back anyway, which would have been most unhelpful -Confused

I also have a child who has challenging behaviour and has slapped people when out in the community and nobody has ever rang the police

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 17:32

Owl

Probably because they realise you child has challenging nehaviour and are being compassionatebtowards a child.

The situationsnare very different

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 17:33

Terrible typing! You get the gist