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AIBU?

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Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 08/04/2013 16:02

Wow! Just read the thread.

To leave a mark and cause your dd to wet herself is just Shock

TheSlug · 08/04/2013 16:02

OP what advice did you get from the police?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 08/04/2013 16:02

What did 101 say? Please take their advice. I don't think you're overreacting, the main thing here is to ensure that your DD knows you're on her side and that no one has the right to do that to her.

You behaved extremely well given the circumstances by walking away and retaining your dignity. Don't engage with this woman now. As others have said, the other people there saw what happened and you have evidence to show the police in the form of their messages asking if you're ok.

Let the police do their job and have no more to do with this vile woman. If this is what she's like IN PUBLIC with someone else's child, who knows what she's like behind closed doors?

Good luck and stay strong.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 08/04/2013 16:04

Not sure why the OP should have any sympathy for the person who assaulted her 4 year old child?

The OP's main priority should be to ease her daughter's fears and reassure her that this woman's actions were not acceptable and that she will face the consequences. Ringing the police is the correct action in this situation.

Who gives a shit about the woman? She's a vile creature and should know better than to go around assaulting four year olds.

Sparklyblue · 08/04/2013 16:04

I think you have done the right thing, calling 101.
How awful for your DD

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/04/2013 16:05

ClumsyOaf - my reply to this woman's text would be:

"We left softplay in a hurry after you hit my child, who is inconsolable and has a handprint left on her skin. I am now considering my options."

What she did, whether one classes it as an assault or not, was unacceptable, and she needs to accept how far out of line her actions were, to apologise to you and your dd, and to promise to control her temper in the future - that is a minimum.

Telling her you are considering your options would hopefully make her think you might be calling the police, and that might be enough to shock her into realising how unacceptable her behaviour was.

I would also advise you to ring the non-emergency number, to ask for their advice - remember, you don't have to take it if you don't want to, but it would give you more facts to help you make your decision. I did exactly this when my son was attacked at school by kids who tried to push his face into the urinals - I contacted the non-emergency number for advice - and the officer I spoke to said that what had happened was an assault and could be taken further, if my son and I wanted to. Then I contacted the school by email to tell them about the incident and ask them what they were going to do about it, and told them that I had spoken to the police, and what I had been told. The school got back to me very quickly, and the incident was resolved 'in-house' to my son's and my satisfaction - but I think it helped that the school knew how seriously I was taking it all.

StickyFloor · 08/04/2013 16:06

Text to X

"I left because you slapped my child. Your slap left a red mark on her, and she was so shocked that she wet herself. I am appalled that you assaulted my child and do not seem to understand the consequences of this. I am taking advice on what I should do next."

Also please contact soft play and see if they have CCTV in case you do decide to take this further.

NatashaBee · 08/04/2013 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 08/04/2013 16:10

no I would caution against any further contact with the person

She will only try and convince you (by peaceful means or otherwise) not to take it further. It will not change her thinking.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 08/04/2013 16:12

Sorry Sticky.

I just think if she texts her that or anything along those lines, the response will either be 'you go to the police and I'll set my brother on you' etc etc or 'I did nothing wrong'

It won't change anything

It won't achieve anything except to put the OP in danger of retribution

whois · 08/04/2013 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

cerealqueen · 08/04/2013 16:14

Whois are you suggesting this is all made up?

middleeasternpromise · 08/04/2013 16:15

This isnt a friend its a casual acquaintance she had no business hitting a child out of her frustration - what goes on in her house one wonders. You need to let her know its not over and you will take action - the other mothers are witnesses and clearly were appalled at the actions of this other woman who hasnt even had the good grace to apologise for her behaviour. Make a stand as you cant socialise with this woman anyway in future shes an arrogant ass. A visit from the police might just let er know shes not above the law.

SquinkiesRule · 08/04/2013 16:20

Wow I'm shocked. I hope you and your Dd are OK Clumsy.
She left a hand print! That was assault. I too wouldn't text her back I'd take some advice from 101. She needs to understand how wrong she was and maybe a short sharp shock for her to realize she can't behave that way. Is this how she treats her own children too?

TwoPoundCakePuncher · 08/04/2013 16:20

This is awful, i hope you get sorted clumsy i agree with others, i wouldnt respond to her, what a cheek! Shock

Geordieminx · 08/04/2013 16:21

Hope you are both ok x

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 16:23

Whois

If you think it is made up, report the thread

Creamtea1 · 08/04/2013 16:23

Be prepared that calling 101 will lead to nothing. I've been through this, with DS who was just coming up to his 3rd birthday when his then childminder smacked him on his bare bottom so hard it left a bruise, this was because he wet himself.
I called local social services who involved the police (child protection) and ofsted investigated the CM. after 4 months they decided there was no cause for concern (even though she admitted it) and all 'charges' so to speak we're dropped, and ofsted removed any reference to the incident from her record.
Approx 2 years later I found out she had stopped childminding.

ReluctantBeing · 08/04/2013 16:23

What was the advice from 101?

elsie07 · 08/04/2013 16:26

Why are people suggesting calling the police? I can imagine their first response would be "could you have sorted this out yourself?" and "have you spoken to her?". And then you could say, no but I've posted my outrage on Mumsnet. Course she shouldn't have hit your child. Tell her that, really loudly the next time you see her.

porridgewithblueberries · 08/04/2013 16:27

Creamtea Shock that is horrific. How COULD they let her carry on childminding?

Clumsy, that's awful for you and your DD. Don't worry about people saying her behaviour must have been ... blah blah. You don't smack other people's children - you just DON'T!

BellaVita · 08/04/2013 16:33

A couple of years ago my friends son (yr6 then) was playing at the park. Some boys (same year) took his bike off of him and basically said he wasn't allowed in the park. He went home and told his parents.

The dad then went to the park and shouted at the boys and said they had no right to take the bike and to tell his son what he could or couldn't do.

Two hours later the police came knocking on their door and told him off for threatening behaviour Hmm. Basically the boys had gone home, complained and the parents had got together and called the police.

You need to report the smacking.

TooYappy · 08/04/2013 16:33

I phoned the police when my DS was 6 years old another same sex DC had "touched him inappropriately" in a neighbours house, (my Ds told me what had happened)

I shouted at the neighbour about how horrific/sick it was, phoned the police only to be told 'we are not really interested, have you spoke to your neighbour?'

McNewPants2013 · 08/04/2013 16:33

I wouldn't hesitate in phoning the police.

If an adult hits another adult it is assult, but when it comes to children Ah it ok its only a child.

PoppadomPreach · 08/04/2013 16:34

To hit a child hard enough to leave a red mark or several hours is assault.

Phoning 101 is absolutely the correct ourselves of action.

This woman needs brought down a peg or two - by official means - do not engage with her on any other level - including texts.

What a horrible thing for you and your OP - you did well to react the way you did.