Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
LookingThroughTheFog · 08/04/2013 15:33

Clumsy, do not respond to the woman. Before you do that, look up the number of your local police station, give them a call, and say to them that you want to take advice on this as you're not sure what to do. You're aware that it's technically assault, but you're not sure you would be looking to prosecute, or even whether that would be possible. Can they please advise you, as you are concerned about the situation and are unclear. Failing that, call your Health Visitor with the same questions.

Please can you get some professional advice before doing anything else?

flaminhoopsaloolah · 08/04/2013 15:33

If this woman doesn't think twice about hitting someone else's child hard enough that she actually leaves a handprint...how does she treat her own children?

Altinkum · 08/04/2013 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 08/04/2013 15:34

If someone hit me and left a mark (r even if they didn't leave a mark) I'd be asking for an assault charge.

In what universe it it justifiable to hit another person? People who hit adults and come up in court don't have 'he was annoying me' excuses listened to.

If she is prepared to do that to your child in public, what the hell might she be doing to her own children behind closed doors?

OP you are doing absolutely the right thing by contacting the police, good luck, and hope your little girl is OK.

frogwatcher1 · 08/04/2013 15:35

Jamie - I find it hard to imagine myself hitting somebodys child out of anger. But the problem with trial by mumsnet is that we were not there and also we have no idea how it was perceived by people that were there. It is not our lives that will be affected - by talking to the people that were there the op would have a fairer account of what happened.

For example, by what one poster said who has done child protection courses, it takes a hard hit to leave a mark. The ops child would have been wearing clothes and it would therefore be a real hard slap to leave a red mark several hours later. In a soft play centre I dont think any parent would stand by and see a child hit this hard. Therefore, in my mind, there is doubt that the mark is caused by the hit. If it was then fair enough - the situation is very bad. But the friends who saw it all could give a fairer account of the situation to the op before she potentially ruins this other womans life.

However, I would have spoken to the woman before getting the police involved in anyway.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 08/04/2013 15:38

I know I'm projecting here because I'm talking from my own experience but I think you will deeply regret it if you don't stand up for your daughter now. You will regret it for yourself and the way you feel as a mum. Our job is to protect our children and if we don't do that to our own satisfaction, it feels bad - for a long time.

Ring the non-emergency number and discuss it with the police. Tell them that you have a picture of the mark. Tell them about the texts from the other mums and tell them about the picture.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 08/04/2013 15:41

I agree with other posters telling you not to respond to her text.

NotSoNervous · 08/04/2013 15:42

I think your doing the right thing phoning 101. She can't think it is acceptable to assault a child

Witchofthenorth · 08/04/2013 15:43

Oh my good god!!! I think my mother bear would have been unleashed full force on her...I would absolutely call the police...

I have never been anti-smacking but I have never been one to smack at everything either. A short tap to the back of the hand when near plugs etc...

When I have smacked my children for discipline I have to admit its because I have lost control of the situation and not because its going to teach them anything.

She needs to be held to task for this...do not back down OP...your DD reaction to this (especially when you dont employ this type of discipline) breaks my heart Sad

MandragoraWurzelstock · 08/04/2013 15:46

On reflection I might be thinking to press charges. I have smacked my own eldest child, before, out of sheer desperation and it was horrible, but that was many years ago and I would NEVER touch someone else's child, and have not smacked either of my subsequent children either...it is wrong...it is undoubtedly wrong and an awful thing to do to your own children but especially awful to do it to someone else's.

I think the woman might benefit from having it drummed home to her that this is not how you handle children.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 15:47

Frog

Mark or no mark, she must have lost control OR she thinks this is OK.

I think we will have to agree to disagree

AnAirOfHope · 08/04/2013 15:48

I would reply to her publicly with ?you smacked/assulted my child i though it best we left?

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 08/04/2013 15:48

I wouldn't respond to her.

KurriKurri · 08/04/2013 15:48

frogwatcher - I really don't understand the argument that we should not report unacceptable/illegal behaviour in case we 'ruin someone's life'.

If this woman's life is 'ruined' then she has ruined her own life by making a very poor choice in her behaviour. We all go through life trying to make the right choices, and need to accept that if we get it very wrong and harm another person (particularly a child) then we will be called to account.

If this woman's usual repsonse to children is violence, and she has children of her own, then a check on her now might stop her ruining a child's life.

whiteandyellowiris · 08/04/2013 15:48

call the police

only way we can stop this shit, be interested to know if the police do anything though

AllThatGlistens · 08/04/2013 15:51

Hope you're ok OP and that you're taking advice from 101.

I really don't think you need to worry about replying to her, everyone already knows what she did, you don't need to 'go public', I'm sure the news will be spreading like wildfire and the police may advise against it anyway as it may inflame the situation.

What's important is that your daughter knows that you are protecting her, and this ridiculous woman is made aware that she behaved completely inappropriately, and, illegally!

MammaTJ · 08/04/2013 15:51

Quite frankly, I feel you need to report it, not just because of your DD, but because if she can behave like that to someone elses child in a public place, what the hell is she like in private with her own child?

MandragoraWurzelstock · 08/04/2013 15:51

Also it may show up on any CRB check she has to have if (God forbid) she ever decides to work with children.

I think it might be worthwhile for that reason alone

cerealqueen · 08/04/2013 15:54

This woman got so angry she hit a child over a soft play incident and it left a mark. She has anger issues, she could do worse if she is riled enough. Other children need saving from her and she needs saving from herself. I would report the incident.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 08/04/2013 15:55

Seriously you would all call the police?
I would certainly have had words then and there with her, at the very least you need to sort this out with her but I can't help but think calling the police is extreme?

AllThatGlistens · 08/04/2013 15:58

She left a livid handprint on the little girl (which is illegal) and she wet herself, which she apparently is not prone to doing so was clearly in response to being hit. The OP also stated she was inconsolable all the way home.

Would it be acceptable to you if it had happened to an adult?

Assault is assault, no?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 15:58

Cheese

Seriously. I would have spoken to here there and then, and told her that she had assaulted my child and put the fear into her. But in the OP situation I would call 101

frogwatcher1 · 08/04/2013 15:58

Kurri - I am not saying don't report it in case it ruins somebodys life. I am saying that imo the op should talk to the woman first, along with others who saw it, rather than being led by those of us who were not there.

The woman may be absolutely devastated and never have done it before or do it again. The friends who know her, and the op if she talked it through with her, would ascertain this. Then a decision could be made about the police.

Jamie - I dont disagree that she must have lost control or consider it ok. However the thing we must agree to disagree on is what the op does now.

It doesnt matter what we all think - it is only our opinions. The op must do what she thinks is best.

What I find most odd is that somebody could stand in a soft play, hit a child hard enough to mark through clothes, and a group of parents stand by and not even refer to it.

Wossname · 08/04/2013 15:58

Not sure we all have the presence of mind to deal with it there and then - I think I would feel really odd and unsure what to do, as it's just not a normal situation to deal with. And it's not like OP's called 999! She rang non-emergency police number for advice, that's a rational response i think? I dont think I could deal with it msyelf right ion the moment, wish I was that self assured though.

TerrysNo2 · 08/04/2013 15:59

I don't necessarily think this is a police matter as she won't be charged with anything but they are also here to provide advice and support to people. If you don't do something severe about this then she will not see that what she did was very very wrong. She needs someone independent to tell her that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread