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AIBU?

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Original poster

She smacked my daughter... WWYD??

744 replies

Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 12:53

In shock, just come home from a soft play place, went with some other mums that I have just started getting to know. DD (4 years old) being unruly - we are going through a phase at the moment, one of the other mums just picked her up and smacked her on her bottom. I was completely stunned - I would never hit a child my own or someone elses... DD in tears i just gathered up DS's stuff took DD and left.

I want to pick her up on it, or call the police or something..... sorry dont have anyone in RL i cant speak to right now so sorry for ranty message im just still stunned!

WWYD?????

OP posts:
SchroSawMargeryDaw · 08/04/2013 15:21

Yes I have, including fights when I was younger and assault. Difference is I didn't expect to get away with it.

I don't think it is possible to reason with someone who believes smacking (and smacking other children) is acceptable. It is 2 complete differences of personality and there will always be strong views from both sides.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 15:21

Frog

If the woamn was remorseful she would have said sorry by now

Op ignore and call 101. Decide what to do after that

puffinnuffin · 08/04/2013 15:22

I have been on plenty of Child Protection courses and leaving a hand print on a bottom is seen as pretty serious. To leave a hand print the woman would have had to of smacked her pretty hard. If this mark was seen at school it would have to be recorded and reported. I would keep a written record along with the photo and messages from your friends as evidence. Does your DD go to Nursery or School? It might be worth telling them what happened if the mark is still there, just to protect yourself and child.

I would also talk the woman (or e-mail) and then decide from there what to do next. It wouldn't hurt to get some advice from 101 and see what they advise before taking things further.

Wannabestepfordwife · 08/04/2013 15:22

Op if she tries to justify her actions I would point out that none of the other mothers behaved in the same way

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 08/04/2013 15:22

Jamie is right, the woman has sent a message asking why she left quickly. She obviously doesn't think she has done anything wrong.

Emilythornesbff · 08/04/2013 15:23

Op following your update and now knowing that the woman hit your dd hard enough to leave a mark and wet herself, I would speak to the police.
Definitely.

Sorry you'be had a bad day.

And don't beat yourself up about discipline. All children fight over toys.
If you stay consistent with your dd things will improve.
She's only 4.

Stay away from this woman she's horrid.

Madmum24 · 08/04/2013 15:23

OP she clearly knows she is in the wrong and is now trying to minimize it! I am a very non confrontational person, but if an employee in the soft play/your childs nursery did this then no one would hesitate before phoning the police, if even to only get the incident logged. Do not feel intimidated by her because she is in your circle of friends who I would be reassessing considering they didn't stand for you at the time

I still the remember the shock I felt when my "friend" told me that she "had" to smack my then one year old, in order to teach her not to try to touch her bay's face............the look on my face must've said it all because she then went on to say "You don't mind, do you?"

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 15:24

goodness, i feel physically sick.

OP posts:
frogwatcher1 · 08/04/2013 15:24

Jamie - not necessarily. Still needs a direct question and discussion in my mind.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 08/04/2013 15:25

Soft play centres are the work of the devil. No good can come of them.

Sorry, OP. You do need to report this. At the very least, the soft play centre should be alerted.

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 15:25

Im going to respond, Yes I felt i needed to remove my dd from the soft play after you assaulted her. or is that too full on??

OP posts:
Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 08/04/2013 15:27

im on phone to 101 - cant hurt to get some advice. this may sound silly but it was just the look on her face when she pelted her, she was talking through gritted teeth...

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 15:28

Frog

Well, i know you are being fair minded, but really, vcan you imagine yourself, or a nice thoughtful person you know

A) hitting a small child

And then

B) not immediately apologising

Imreally don't think so

SmellieWellies · 08/04/2013 15:28

no. not too full on.

But expect an immediate reaction- denial- self justification- telling you you are overreacting etc.

I still think 101 is a good bet.

outtolunchagain · 08/04/2013 15:28

I disagree she has sent this message precisely because she knows she has done wrong and is trying to justify it or make sure that she has the upper hand.She is trying to normalise what she did.

I agree with allthatglistens.I was all for keeping a low profile,cutting contact etc but that message seals the deal for me ,she probably hits her own children and therefore it came pretty easily to her and now she realises she has made an error and is trying to cover her tracks

ItsallisnowaFeegle · 08/04/2013 15:28

Make a stand OP, for your daughters sake. Be it a confrontation with this person with the facts and a demand for an apology to DD, or to report her, but please make sure you and your DD are heard!

FWIW show me a 4 yr old who behaves impeccably all the time. I've never witnessed it!

almostanotherday · 08/04/2013 15:28

Nope that's sounds fair to me, short and too the point.

AllThatGlistens · 08/04/2013 15:28

OP DON'T RESPOND TO HER! Take your advice from 101, don't engage with her.

shewhowines · 08/04/2013 15:29

Don't involve the others. Keep the moral high ground.

Just say 'You know why I left" I'll private message you. Then mention you feel she assaulted DD one to one.

Wossname · 08/04/2013 15:29

She is trying to take the initiative and play it down so you, and everyone else, thinks it's no big deal. Call 101, if nothing else they will give you advice. Dont reply to her until you've done that. Then reply so everyone can see it saying 'you smacked my 4 year old so hard you left a mark (which I have photographed) and made her wet herself. On what planet is that normal behaviour? Don't contact me again.'

wibblyjelly · 08/04/2013 15:30

Clumsey, if you do report it, make sure you keep a records of all messages sent between you, as you may then have written proof of what has happened, depending on how she responds. Hope your ds is OK.

AllThatGlistens · 08/04/2013 15:31

Or, after you've spoken to 101, I would then respond and tell her pretty much that, that you've taken advice from 101 after she assaulted your daughter this morning and have nothing further to say to her.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/04/2013 15:32

Agree with Wossname

Altinkum · 08/04/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seriouscakeeater · 08/04/2013 15:33

mrspeeweee is right, phone the police. How dare she assault your child! I probably would have gone of the deep end and smacked her but you actually did the best thing by leaving, so phone the police now.

She wasn't chastising your child, she lost her temper/control with a small child!

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