to object to being called a dick

[Catherinethemate]

Apparently i was being a dick, as in i did something to upset my OH. He told me to shut up, then he called me a dick. I objected so he shouted SHUT UP YOU DICK! in my face. A big row eventually happened. Am i oversensitive? Does your OH say this to you? Even now when i say he shouldn't have called me it he says..don't be a dick then. If someone at work or in a social situation annoyed him i very much doubt he would shout SHUT UP DICK in their face so AIBU to find it unnacceptable???

Oh, Catherine! You need to get rid of this one. He is so not a keeper. He told you it was your fault because you kept fuckng him????? you are worth 100 of him. Find the strength and walk away. He sounds like a proper class act. Get rid. Now. I would not put up with any of that nonsense. Not for a minute. Make sure the door doesn't hit him on the arse on the way out. Good luck.

Um, namechange fail, OP, you may want to report yourself.

Almost everything he said is utter nonsense. He isn't all that bright, is he? The only tiny grain of truth in what he said is that you are the common denominator. But NOT for the reasons he's suggesting. I'm glad you're looking into the freedom programme to figure out why you have accepted such atrocious treatment from both partners.
But the brilliant thing is you're on here, questioning your relationship and getting angry at that pathetic loser.

Thankyou all...i need to keep posting and reading especially if he gets back in touch x

Yeah! The outrage.. Think these people like being the ones to walk away, and on bad terms. That's the bit i don't like...now for the boring bit....these outbursts always follow any criticism from me. You know the normal relationship style stuff...For example recently he was heading off somewhere with me and the kids, frustrating i know waiting for the faff and me running back in the house 12ish times. Flat battery...i sorted it..he looked pissed off and sat in the car...then i had to put air in tyres. At this point he is blanking us and moody. This i might add comes on top of him having 4 hours more sleep than me and his brekkie cooked, a chill out while i walked the dog etc. He complained about the time it was taking, while sat on his arse, so i asked him "are you taking the piss?" He keeps quoting this back as proof of how i will not let him express an opinion, am lobotomising him and other such extremes. In reality isn't he punishing me daring to challenge him??? Mundane stuff, but these are the thoughts..

If any man was being moody, while not helping, and the complained, i'd be having a go too, thats not an opinion he was expressing, thats him just being a stroppy man child.

He is massively hurt and injured because i pulled him up on it and it leads to statements like how dare i criticise him when he has been willing to be with me after all the mess i have caused and how i was a wannabee and a whore etc etc and a long list of all the things he has done for me..

What mess have you caused? and how are you are a wannabe and a whore.

Because i left him years ago..had a relationship and children with a man who seemed perfect, but was extremely abusive, was a wealthy narc in a professionally powerful position. Basically any criticism i have of this guy in the present, ie..being moody and idle, results in an onslaught of abuse about the past.

So his attitude is how dare you criticise him when you should be grateful for whatever crumbs of decency he shows you.

You do realise you've not created any mess. You've lived your life and had the misfortune to meet an abuser. You've had lovely DCs - where is the mess exactly? That sounds like life to me. He is just trying to crush you under his shoe. Whatever damage he does to you. (And trust me, he's doing a lot) is nothing compared to the damage he'll do to your children.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Your life is not a mess.
You do not need his permission to leave him.

You made the right choice leaving him all those years ago. Do it again - good riddance! At 18 months into a relationship you should be making each other laugh, going out for dates - being in love really. You can have that with someone else - someone else more worthy of you. He is not.

I do think if you are repeatedly meeting similar men, you need to take some time to work on your self esteem. It sounds so low from your writing here. You are worth more. Your children are worth more.

You left him once. Do it again.

I think my self esteem is low and getting lower...definitely. I was surrounded by my family telling me i should keep away from them when the nasty ex started on them all one by one. The new man thinks they are right. I made the decision to "stay" with my abuser (despite the fact i left, which is what caused him to go after everyone) I stood really strong against him, through the courts etc. Now it just seems lie i can't keep standing strong and i don't know why.

Oh i suddenly get it now, he sees your children as a digusting reminder of what you did.

Seriously, why are you with him again, he obviously HATES your children because they show you had a life that he couldnt control.

Get rid now before he really takes it out on your kids.

I probably didn't let all the past abuse "sink in" and concentrated on moving forwards...onwards and upwards etc, with the man i thought was so understanding and on my side. Turns out he isn't on my side after all.

If you are such a bad person, why did he come back, and keep coming back?

Sounds to me that he cannot accept the history (and reality) and that he will forever feel second best as you chose someone else over him. So he wants some kind of official statement that you effed up and it should have been him all along.

In that case, he should not be in a relationship if he isn't mature enough to deal with a persons history. And he definitely isn't mature enough.

Referring to your children like that is frankly, sickening.

Of course he is proposing marriage and wanting to push up the ante on the relationship - as soon as he has his feet under your table, that's when full control of you can commence, of you, and it sounds like your children too. So if you think it's scary now, imagine a time when there is no escape, or door to close with a sigh of relief.

He's lashing out at the moment because he doesn't have that control in his grasp - you are holding the cards and it's making him angry.

We've all been in relationships where perhaps the pace hasn't been where we thought it would - most people get to agreement by talking, communicating and sharing. Not shouting and sulking.

This is a toxic and twisted relationship, I cannot see how it will get any better if he keeps churning up a past he cannot forget, and letting it make him become so angry.

Just leave. You can do all the soul searching once this loser is out of your life. You won't feel half as worn down and it'll be much easier to focus and think clearly.

I hope he doesn't "hate" the kids. But he did say recently," I have no interest in "his" children. I would have brought them up as my own but you blew it. Why should i live with your mistakes. You made your decision when you chose that cunt over me. "

What he is doing, is saying to you "Catherine you silly bitch, why did you leave me, see leaving me was a mistake wasnt it, because he hit you, you shouldnt have had kids, you stupid bitch, its all your fault"

But it isnt your fault, and your kids arent mistakes, you made a misjudgement, we all have, now your making another misjudgement by staying with this guy, because he just wants to make you feel shit for something you did years ago, and make you regret having those living, breathing reminders too.

I want to see myself in a positive light...but am struggling!!!! Thankyou all for being there, i am a moany bint x