To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

"The local pizza express is a hang out for sahm with their children "

Not doubting you but it just shows the difference between the haves and the have nots, to most people I know pizza express is a treat and the vast majority of people do not want their treats spoiled by kids wandering around their tables. It is not too much to ask that children should be entertained quietly at their own tables or taken outside if it is necessary for them to walk about.

It is not about that some places are more child friendly. The local Italian, thai and a few pubs are very much the same. Ds knows how to behave he does not run about screaming but he will have a little wonder if it is ok to. I have seen children being told by staff to go and sit down because they are annoying others and staff but you see this everywhere they will be acting up at he shopss to but do not lump all parents who give a little more freedom where they have judged it ok at a restaurant that is child friendly with those that just do not care

I have always been complimented on what a well behaved child ds is because he knows what is expected of him

The tables were fairly close together and the single man at the next table insisted on talking to us for the entire two hour

Or perhaps he was just lonely

I just can't help thinking yabu, just kids being kids? It can be hard 'keeping them under control' and I don't think I've ever got a bad reaction if 1 of my kids spoke to people or walked around somewhere, as long as they're being watched I can't see much of a problem

2 years old is very, very young. Different people have different parenting techniqes, get used to it everyone, its not harminug anyone

I find kids walking around restaurants or cafes really really irritating. Obviously, it is ok if it is an outside cafe type of place or a specific kid restaurant or cafe.

I actively avoid places where kids run around. It's lazy parenting. I dont know whose kids have SN and I don't know everyone's personal backstory so I don't sit there judging parents and throwing them dirty looks........but I don't go back.

I guarantee that my kids have irritated other people at some time or another, they are kids after all but I never let them wander around restaurants or cafes. It would irritate me and. I would be too conscious of the other customers.

Well, if any of the people saying it is unacceptable for small children to wander around, even if accompanied by an adult, please just bear in mind that it may be because the child has sn, before you eye roll or mutter or do the long hard stare.

Hear hear

You probably don't MsBella, people are too polite- they just don't go back.
Of course it is hard looking after them,but as the parent that is your job- talk to them, find them things to do- don't leave it to strangers to do it for you.

Oh god xh used to take dd up to random people's tables and stand and chat to them. I used to be mortified but no matter how much I'd implore him to keep dd away and let people eat their dinner in peace he couldn't see anything wrong with it.

When I said to those parents that I was paying someone to look after mine and didnt want to look after theirs their response was to look at me like I was from another planet. They then rather loudly instructed their children not to go over to our table. So I thanked them and walked back to my table after pointing out that they may later end up in A & E if their kids end up getting burned after having hot food spilled over them! The kids didnt come over again so I got what I wanted. My DH was cringing but he knew I was right.

What some parents dont think of is that if you have no control over a 4/5/6 year old you have not got a prayer when they are teenagers. Im not saying my kids were perfect, they so were not and have both shown me up on occasions, but I dealt with it and didnt just let them carry on doing what they wanted. I remember taking my daughter out for the day and she was performing before we even got there so I turned the car around and went home. She knew on future trips that if i said we would go home if she didnt behave herself that I meant it.

Thanks for the advice folks. Particularly like being called a 'wet parent'. Funnily enough, have tried the distractions with books, crayons etc thing and it doesn't work. As someone said, each child is different. He can get out of most restaurant highchairs and unless we physically restrain him in his highchair (imagine the looks/racket then!), he gets out. Or dangerously stands in the chair. He is so incredibly physically strong (was able to walk across the room with a full-size Yamaha keyboard at 12mths) so it really is a bit of a struggle for his anaemic wet parent! :-)
I know it is annoying for others for me to be standing etc, hence reference to hardly ever going out and to declining Easter family meal. We ARE very considerate of others in all public places. More than many parens. But I figure we have to choose our battles, and until there is comprehension of why he has to sit at a table etc., it is a battle we are likely to lose.

Catsize - my sister has a collapsable booster seat from mothercare she keeps in the car which she fastens to restaurant seats and because it has a proper 5 way strap her son can't escape.

If you're following a child round you can stop them getting in the way of waiting staff and prevent them from approaching other tables. That's why you're following them.

If there isn't a part of the restaurant that they can explore without approaching other diners or getting in the way you should take them outside.

Catsize..you are clearly doing your best.

Don't let the judgypeeps get to you :)

Or perhaps he was just lonely

Of course he was lonely and I felt sorry for him, hence not telling him to get lost. However it did ruin our rare evening out at a time when we had almost no money for treats. We were camping in the Lake District in a second hand, leaky tent in monsoon weather.

We had two choices:

1. Tell him to get lost - would have felt bad and ruined our evening.

2. Put up with it - ruined our evening.

Anyway this isn't particularly relevant to the thread. Don't know why I mentioned it really.

Catsize, my child was like that and the screamfest that was made when he was made to stay in the chair omg, you couldn't pay me to deal with that again.

We used to to say 'right we are going home!' and he calmed down sort of.
At nearly 4 he's better now, although these 'family places' do love to have play area's,toy machines , sweet machines EVERYWHERE
I had a lot of health problems I wonder if they pick up on the fact you're able to do less and take advantage? I dunno.
I often try and bring some distractions, I know some people will whinge about this , but what about some phone games? in particularly bad sit.
I generally try and order something for my DC first so if he is hungry doesn't become hyper?
When dc and I have finished we go into the play area.

We don't have a table so I've accepted that until we do , table training may take a bit longer.

Am loving the idea that I could just distract me 15 month old with crayons or a couple of toys or books. Because it hadn't occurred to me to try that of course. No, I don't generally let my toddler walk around restaurants because I'm well aware of the dangers and the annoyance it might cause other people. I generally don't take him to restaurants because it is a nightmare. He is a toddler and sitting down quietly while he waits for the grown ups to take forever eating, in a new and exciting place is boring and frustrating. He is just not old enough to 'get it' yet. Going out to eat is not some essential task that he has to learn right now (like having to wait at the doctors or behave himself during the food shop). I take offence at the idea that somehow I am setting myself up for a lifetime of bad behaviour by simply choosing not to do something until it is age appropriate.

As it is, if we do out to eat, it's usually with people with other toddlers, so there is safety in numbers, or with family so there are a whole host of people to distract him from all the new, shiny, breakable things around him.

I don't think YABU to not want a hoard of kids rampaging around, but wanting to explore is natural and not being naughty and I just don't see why you would want to drain the curiosity out of your child before they were old enough to grasp why they need to sit quietly.

Feeling a bit better now, thank you. Was beginning to regret revisiting Mumsnet. Hadn't appreciated I would get any responses at all to my post. Just thought I was contributing a different perspective.
Sirzy, thank you for the tip. We have something similar but the result is per hairtearing's experience. Might try giving it another go though.
Our son will sit in a highchair at home, and did so when we went to a friend's house (we were surprised!), but it's just in public with new places to explore etc. He often refuses to eat as he is so interested in what's going on elsewhere.
Sometimes even at home there is a rigid body protest.
Re:car seat point, this is a bit different. The car is fairly boring, not much to explore, but does have the added interest of stuff gong past the window. Ferry queues and traffic jams have proved challenging however.
Son has never liked being restrained, whether in crib or cot or playpen or any other device. Including highchairs and carseats. We co-slept. Perhaps that is deemed 'wet parenting' too.
Funny!
To those of you who describe yourself as taking a firm line, no doubt you can smugly say to your children that my son will be on drugs by the time he is eight and have an ASBO by nine and you clearly love your child much more than I love mine. Or something.
Hairtearing, I happen to know that one of our olympic medallists was very similar as a child, so let's not worry too much.

I disagree that you can't take under 2's in a restaurant and expect them to behave. It doesn't always happen but you should expect it to and do your best to ensure children are not causing issues to others.

I don't think it is smug to have this expectation or to be proud of your children that do behave well. I have DSs and find it quite offensive that a poster has suggested the reason the OPs DCs behave is because they are DDs and her DS is a nightmare. My DSs are well behaved in restaurants but if they aren't they will be told off or taken outside if were having a tantrum or crying lots (as babies)

My 8 month old nephew was brilliant at a meal we were at last week for the whole 2 hours. He ate dinner with us, he played with toys then picked at some baby snacks. We had cuddles with him in between courses and he was fine. I felt quite proud of the fact that the 3 boys were so good. It is also very lovely when people comment as they are leaving on how well the children have behaved .

I will never understand why we have such low standards and expectations of children now!

Catsize it is very different actually trying to ensure your child behaves (which you are clearly doing) and those who allow their children to run around wildly (or scoot) whilst people are carrying food or trying to have a meal in peace.

A non walking eight month old? Of course he was fine.

A toddler wanting to see what is happening in a new place is not behaving badly. I can assure you that at 15 months, DS does not understand at all why he needs to stay in his seat. I could force him, but that wouldn't be fun on anyone. I could take him outside in the freezing cold and rain and let my dinner go cold. Or I could wait until he is older and can understand the situation better.

I don't think it has anything to do with sex, but it does have a lot to do with personality. Some children are just naturally more compliant and quiet. DS is not one of them.

Agree with you mrsmelons and easilybored.

Currently dreading trying to meet a friend for coffee this afternoon. :-)

Funny how we ascribe 'good' and 'bad' behaviour to babies. My nephew would happily sit in his highchair for ages. Not because he is better behaved, but because he is a very different character to my son.

I found between 1 and 2.5 the hardest for taking DS out as at that age they want to be off and exploring but don't understand as well when you are trying to reason with them.

At 3.5 we are now (generally!) ok when we go out, I suppose the fact we do it semi regularry helps. On days I know he is likely to be grouchy I will take his leappad out with us to try to stop it developing into a problem, generally he is happy with colouring books and a bag of trains or octonauts.

Yes I get that about the 8mo but it was mention upthread that 8mo cannot 'behave'.

My boys were toddlers once(5 and 7 now) and were not always easy to keep occupied at a meal of course as they are no way perfect but our expectation was that they should. I am not so daft to not realise personality comes into it, DS2 is much more difficult than DS1 and there are certain places I would not take him as I wouldn't want to ruin other peoples experiences etc.

A toddler wanting to see whats happening in a new place is fine, I don't think that is what this thread is about, its the unruly out of control behaviour that annoys people. I do think a 15 mo understands but they are toddlers and don't always do as you want them to of course.

Can I just say - I have no problem with people taking their DCs for a wander or toddlers talking to me, but screaming, shouting and running around is not ok IMO.