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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

999 replies

CelticPixie · 07/04/2013 20:29

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

OP posts:
Icanhasnickname · 08/04/2013 15:40

Those 'darling' toddlers who think its ok to bother strangers soon turn into the weird older kids who think its ok to 'hang-out' with strangers.....like the delightful ones who thought it was perfectly normal to try to join in with our games of pool or games on the fruit machines. Sadly, they seemed very good at both. Must have spent a lot of their childhood in this far from family-friendly pub. Parents nowhere to be seen.

MrsMelons · 08/04/2013 16:00

I have quite a few friends that would never take their children out to dinner as they just don't behave well enough when they are out. I have 2 young children and I take colouring etc for them and they aren't allowed to run around.

Children need to learn how to behave out in a restaurant so there is no reason why people shouldn't take their DCs out but it is lazy for parents to just let them run around and bug people.

I am not miserable and love having the kids around but there are times and places for children to run around and a restaurant is not one of them regardless of whether it is a family restaurant or not.

MrsMelons · 08/04/2013 16:02

SHould add, that most people would have a lot of respect for those parents clearly trying to control their DCs when out, its the ones who allow their children to run riot that cause the problem.

myfirstkitchen · 08/04/2013 16:05

Yanbu

I hate how people think that because somewhere is 'family friendly' it means they can let their children run riot and ignore them.

arabesque · 08/04/2013 16:07

YANBU. These over indulged children will be the brats of tomorrow - the ones who see nothing wrong with playing noisy games of football outside other people's houses at ten o clock at night; or having loud all night parties everytime their parents go away etc. while their parents insist that they're 'just having fun' 'children will be children' and so on and so on.
I agree though, it is not the child people should be annoyed at but the idiot parents who sit back and do nothing.

vjg13 · 08/04/2013 16:17

YANBU, I have friends who think it's fine to let their child go behind the desk at the GPs and approach people eating and ask for a chip!

They can't believe that others aren't enchanted by this!

arabesque · 08/04/2013 16:19

Yabu and boring.

2 year olds are cute. Quote

I suspect this is the assumption that a lot of the parents of these toddlers make - "Oh, he's soooo cute." "Oooh, only a grumpy old bore would get annoyed at him running up to their table" etc etc etc.

MrsClown1 · 08/04/2013 17:18

It really winds me up. Some people take their kids out and expect others to put up with them running around like lunatics. I remember when my children were young my DH and I went out for a meal. 2 children a few tables away were running around and kept coming over to our table and messing around. Dont get me wrong, I dont expect them to be seen and not heard but I do feel parents should teach their children how to behave when taken out. I went over to the parents and informed them that I was paying someone to look after my children so I really didnt want to look after theirs!

Goldmandra · 08/04/2013 17:21

I went over to the parents and informed them that I was paying someone to look after my children so I really didnt want to look after theirs!

Exactly. How did they respond?

kerala · 08/04/2013 18:37

We were in Italy at a lovely restaurant that opened at 8pm. About a third of the tables had under 6s on them ALL were sitting beautifully you wouldn't have known there were so many children. Some were really tiny too. The atmosphere was civilised I wonder what the equivalent place in the UK would have been like. Italian parents seem to have higher expectations which the children meet.

CuriosityCola · 08/04/2013 21:05

For the first time I had the fear that an Aibu thread was about my family Blush. Ds (19 months) was a nightmare at a family friendly restaurant yesterday. The highchairs had no straps, so he just kept climbing out. My pil thought he was very cute running around with his older cousins. I was the mean mum trying to contain him. His older cousins are allowed to approach other tables pretending to be waiters and taking orders. I found it mortifying.

BlackMaryJanes · 08/04/2013 21:34

MrsClown1 What was the parents response? Grin Do tell!!

Catsize · 08/04/2013 21:55

Our 15mth old will not sit in a highchair when in a restaurant without a huge struggle, which is even worse for other people. We tend to avoid eating out for this reason, but if ever we are out, my partner and I tend to take it in turns to follow him around as he explores, and we eat separately. Not great, but accept he just wants to explore. Wouldn't let him go off on his own, and recognise that it can be annoying for others and also dangerous with waiting staff, people with drinks etc. We are very conscious of others in restaurants. Mum offered to treat us to Easter lunch and felt we had to politely decline. When he is a bit older, he will be expected to sit at the table.

BellaVita · 08/04/2013 22:03

DH called me a snob last week over this very subject.

We were on holiday and quite a few families just let their kids - say aged between 4/5/6/7 run bloody riot at meal times in the main hotel restaurant. We have teens but even when they were small they always knew how to behave when going out for something to eat.

I suggested to DH that perhaps the waiting staff could segregate the families with small children from the ones with older children, he thought I had gone completely mad. All I wanted was to enjoy my meal with a nice glass of wine in relative peace with a bit of conversation thrown in.

Floggingmolly · 08/04/2013 22:18

Catsize. I'm not sure an adult shadowing a toddler "exploring" would be any less annoying, tbh...

Sirzy · 08/04/2013 22:22

Bellvita - that plan is hardly fair on the parents who can control their young children!

hazeyjane · 08/04/2013 22:32

Ds is very difficult, if we try and eat out, he is 2.9 and has sn. We tend to just avoid eating out, but we have had occasions with friends and family, where we have tried. It is difficult to contain him in a highchair, so one of us will walk around with him, either inside or out. I would never let him get in the way of waiting staff, or bother people trying to eat their meals in peace, but would it still be annoying that he is walking around?

We had one meal in a Pizza Hut, with ds's family, that we had to cut short, because the family at the next table kept staring and tutting about the fact that ds was sat on the floor under the table, holding my leg. He wasn't in anyone's way, but the reaction of the people on the next table made us feel so uncomfortable we ended up leaving.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/04/2013 22:37

most of the time it does not bother me. I do see children playing and in some restaurants I expect that but children I see do not go wild screaming and shouting but they are young and excitable I do not expect them to sit still at the table for an hour

if you want a nice quiet lunch go somewhere that is not children friendly

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 08/04/2013 22:37

catsize.
Maybe you could try 'training' him in an empty pub or cafe. The little blighters soon learn when they are on to a good thing and every time you let him walk around it reinforces his belief that mealtimes out are time to explore. You may have to suffer a few times before he gets the message. Maybe you could keep the meals super short until he get the hang of it.
15 months is still very little and they are never going to be perfect at that age but it may be worth persevering. (Depends on the kid a lot too)

Has he learnt to stay in his car seat?

I used to travel long haul with my three kids right from when they were babies and I basically never let them get out their seats except for going to the bathroom. It paid off and they were always good when I flew with them.

Good luck.

Sirzy · 08/04/2013 22:39

Carvery places are normally quite good for 'training' toddlers as you don't need to wait for your food!

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/04/2013 23:12

Catsize - you are the parent, you make your child sit still - train him. Provide little books, colouring, stickers etc if necessary, but if he is allowed to wander round the restaurant followed by his father, he will think this is acceptable behaviour. It's not. A child followed by an embarrassed looking ineffectual parent with one of those "oh what can you do?" expressions on their face is as irritating to other diners as the children wandering around on their own. And if he thinks this is acceptable at 15 months, he will want to wander round on his own when he is a bit older (when you are going through the terrible twos!). How are you going to tell him that this is unacceptable, when you condoned the behaviour when he was younger?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/04/2013 23:18

Catsize - start now, otherwise you are going to have one hell of a battle on your hands.

Wet parenting is the most irritating aspect of all of this to those of us who take a firmer line.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/04/2013 23:25

I can not see what you are doing wrong catsize

ds has never liked high chairs tended to sit on my lap but started to sit in them from about 2

he is used to eating out we probably eat out at least once a week more in the holidays. he knows how to behave himself will often do some drawing but I do not expect him to act like an adult and sit still if it is ok for him to wonder about (usually is in local pizza express) then he can or outside. I do not like seeing children bored at a table being forced to sit there while parents witter on

Dominodonkey · 09/04/2013 00:11

"but I do not expect him to act like an adult and sit still if it is ok for him to wonder about (usually is in local pizza express)"

freud

Just because you think it's ok doesn't mean that everyone else does.
If he is too young to sit still either take him outside in the street or don't go. Don't subject other people to your low standards.

FreudiansSlipper · 09/04/2013 00:18

Low standards Hmm

The local pizza express is a hang out for sahm with their children the vast majority of their customers in the day have children the restaurant is known for this so it is known that children have a bit more freedom

It does not mean that children are running about screaming as I have said previously I have not seen this in the restaurants we go to and ds does not do this

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