To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

[5madthings]

Its the danger issue that bothers me the most, I would never forgive myself if my child was hurt and I could have prevented it...you know by not letting them wander round in a restaraunt!

[YouTheCat]

Why should everyone be considerate of you and your children's feelings when you clearly aren't considerate of others?

[MsBella]

Sdtg, everything everyone does is always in some way to try and make themselves happy. Anyway yes I believe TRUE happiness is the most important thing which does not come from hitting your sibling etc. Happiness for dcs and me is my priority and I teach that to them because its what I believe in
Some of your examples aren't about actual happiness... a child sometimes thinks something would make them happy but they're not always right about that...

[FreudiansSlipper]

I am considerate towards others if I ever felt ds was being annoying I would do something it has not happened he has often wondered past a table and had his head patted or been spoken too he has not walked over and stared at someone until they respond to him

he wonders around a little others may talk to him (he is quite shy) that is all he is watched at all times

I have never been bothered by a toddler talking to me and glad I haven't would seriously start asking myself what is the problem if I did though I have been annoyed by parenst actions those of the extreme allowing children to run wild and those that will not allow their children to go off and play when it is safe too as they cba to watch them as all they want to sit and chat so the child has to sit there bored and then they moan about a whinging child

[Sirzy]

Good point SDTG.

I think its good for children to learn sometimes their happiness isn't the most important thing and that considering the needs and feelings of others is important.

In this case walking around may make your toddler happy but it also puts them in danger and so as a parent you need to find a safe way to keep the child happy.

[5madthings]

Bella you have twice ignored my comment re a child being scalded and burnt, how would you explain to your older child/adult the reason they were scarred was because YOU let them wander around and put them at risk?!!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

T one point, ds3's idea of perfect happiness was thumping his older brother. This did not make ds2 happy. Whose happiness should I have prioritised in this situation, MsBella?

And when, aged 13, he told us that the only thing that would make him happy was possessing a violent, shoot-em-up, 18 rated game, should I have said yes, because it would make him happy, or should I have done what I did, and said 'No', because I knew the game was inappropriate for his age?

No-one can be happy all the time (I have depression, and I accept that), and it is not realistic to teach a child that their happiness is always the priority.

[5madthings]

Its not the bloody talking, yes it may be irritating if dp and I have actually got the opportunity to go out without our kids its the fact I don't want to be responsible for someone else's child! If they are hanging round my table I would feel responsible food them and if they got hurt I would be mortified and upset. That is the problem.

[EasilyBored]

It's not about being severely affected. because, no, my world will not end if I have to entertain your child for 5 minutes. But I shouldn't have to. And you shouldn't be expecting other people to parent your child. It's nice if people want to engage with other people's children. There are plenty of times when I will happily talk to children, but I would always prefer it if their parent was there at the time, rather than sat eating their dinner on the other side of a restaurant.

[MsBella]

EasilyBored, like I said being considerate should focus on not hurting people,not harming people,not upsetting people, not judging people,, treating them as an equal and not on poxy table manners or 'talking when you're not spoken to'
If people are that severely affected by a kid talking to them then it really is their own issue which they should resolve within themselves, there are all sorts of people in the world... sometimes adults will come and drone on and on at you.. at least with a dc you can call them back to the table if they are overstaying their welcome a bit

[morethanpotatoprints]

TomArcher

I don't think from what I have read that Bella is wrong. There were several comments added to her first post which made her look bad.
Including: allowing her dc to go into someones handbag/ she never said this
Running around in a restaurant/ she never said this.

I think it is sad that so many mothers can't tolerate other people's children, maybe its because so few spend lots of time with their own they cherish the moments they do. This can be the only explanation I can think of.

Personally, I like to concentrate on my dc and my life and don't notice other things and judge other parents. I am not a perfect parent myself. I think lots of other peoples toddlers are cute and think its up to us all to socialise children. If a child speaks to me, I speak back because I'm not a sour old puss.

[Sirzy]

toddlers are interested in all that is around, ds is not a very polite little boy but I can not say he was considerate to others needs at that age what child is and have never come across others being so upset by it

That is why as a parent YOU need to be considerate to others. Not everyone will want to talk to your child, others will smile and be polite while wishing he would piss off.

I am happy to talk to other peoples children when they are with an adult and when I am waiting for food. Wandering children or children coming over when I am eating I have less patience with the parents off.

[EasilyBored]

^True. If I'm out with DS, I kind of have my hands full stopping him from running off and causing mayhem, I don't really need to be supervising your kids as well.

[Squarepebbles]

He'd still get my best death stare if he invaded my dining space or ambiance.

In my experience the definition of "polite" varies a lot amongst parents.

[5madthings]

Freudian I actually don't mind talking to toddlers, I do find them cute but if a toddler was wandering around near me I would feel anxious and responsible in case they banged their head on the table or knocked a drink over on our table or got in the way of a waitress. I don't want to be responsible for somebody else's child, esp when I have five of my own to be responsible for!

[FreudiansSlipper]

bloody hell ds is a very polite boy

not that he is not. need more tea

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Also, one lesson I have learned, and that I have taught my children, is that my (or their) happiness is not always the priority. They are not happy when I tell them they cannot go to a party on a school night, or when I say they have to take a medicine that tastes nasty, because it has been prescribed for them, or when I tell them that they can't have whatever they want, whenever they want it - but I accept that they can't be happy all the time because their health, well being and education are my priority.

Equally, there are time when I have had to sacrifice my happiness because someone else's health, well being or happiness were more important than mine.

[5madthings]

And I said earlier in the thread, if your child wanders if and then gets scalded by hot drinks/food and is left scarred how will you explain that to them when they are older?

"Yes I know those s ads are uncomfortable and make you self conscious but when you were little you liked to explore so I let you"

Pretty sure most teens and adults would be pissed off that their parent had let them get into a dangerous situation resulting in life long scars just because they couldn't be arsed to keep them safe and thought it was 'cute' that they wandered around in a restaraunt annoying people and creating a hazard for the waitressing staff!

[PeppermintPasty]

Has anyone got the MN gavel? We need it.

[FreudiansSlipper]

fails to see how a toddler wondering over saying hello wittering on for at the most a minute until they got bored be so upsetting for some

toddlers are interested in all that is around, ds is not a very polite little boy but I can not say he was considerate to others needs at that age what child is and have never come across others being so upset by it

mn never fails to surprise me

[TomArchersSausage]

There is a certain greatness to Bella's stance on this, in the face of practically everyone on this thread of nearly 1000 posts disagreeing with her

[morethanpotatoprints]

I agree that boundaries are good and its up to us as parents to teach our children good social values, including manners.
But come on, some of these are going a bit far in the other direction.
Kids will make noise, maybe wander a foot or too in a restaurant, say hello to strangers.
This is what makes them sociable. Surely its everything in moderation.

[5madthings]

When I go out for a meal with my family its a treat for all of us and we sit and chat to each other, I have five children of my own who I want to enjoy talking to. I do not want to entertain someone else's child, they have their own parents they can talk to.