To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

[BiddyPop]

Oh, and DD has Aspergers/ADHD - so we know all about keeping tantrums and reactions under control. There are no such issues with DN's that we are aware of - but we are very aware of a complete lack of parental control.

[MadameOvary]

YANBU but on the subject of ASD - my DD is NT but I know a fair few families where one or more DC has SEN/ASD and they are unlikely, IME, to be the ones sitting grinning vacantly and encouraging the chaos. More likely they are doing their level best to manage the situation by de-escalating, quiet distraction, or whatever works. Sorry if that sounds like a generalisation but IME where there is a diagnosis of SEN/ASD, you can be pretty sure that that the parents/carers are working hard to manage it as best they can.

[MadameOvary]

X-posted!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Japonica - not patronising, clearly you are some sort of ASD guru

[insanityscratching]

The two boys running around last night I couldn't spot any signs of ASD and I'm well tuned in as my two with autism were sat with me at the table. I used to have to haul a huge bag of distractions around to keep mine entertained so do understand how difficult it is sometimes (often when ds was younger) I thank my lucky stars now for ipods, tablets and ds's which have cut down the challenges no end.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

anyway..clearly not everyone can tell, as my DD is severe and people still make remarks to us thinking she is NT

[YouTheCat]

But Fanjo, those people are probably just twats who read the Fail and think that all children with disabilities should be 'in a home'.

[shellbu]

i find kids running round in restaurants totally out of order , they should be taught to sit at a table and eat a meal ,without annoying others ,if i go out for a meal it is with people i want to socialise with , do not want other peoples snotty faced kids getting in my face ,i never taught my kids to go up to a stranger and start chatting so i dont know where all this social interacting is coming from , what happened to stranger danger or is that old hat now .

[BiddyPop]

Sorry, that last one scanned badly when I read it back. DD has SN, so we are used to dealing with tantrums and keeping reactions under control. Which includes distraction at the table, bringing her for a walk to the loo or taking her outside to have some quiet time (and allowing some running or whatever in a safe space). And we have been known to either have a tag team eating event or leave meals before they were eaten on occasion - as DD's needs warranted it.

My problem is with parents who take no account of the needs of their child/ren and instead inflict their child's bad behaviour on everyone else, by ignoring them entirely as THEY enjoy their meal.

[insanityscratching]

Fanjo ds is 18 and still obviously autistic but people still point and stare in spite of him having an obvious disability. His behaviour is brilliant now but the stims particularly when anxious are what draws the stares.Some people are just rude and ignorant.

[JaponicaTroggs]

Fanjo, yes you were being patronising. No I don't claim to be an ASD "guru". What a stupid thing to say. Most parents of autistic children who spend the majority of their time in an autistic world are pretty good at recognising it. The people making comments about your child are ignorant and obviously have no clue what autism is.

[anklebitersmum]

YANBU. Quite frankly someone said it best earlier on when they said that the 'running children' are never running around their parent's table, it's always someone else's.

In the same way as it's someone else's sanity and sanctity they're destroying when playing football against near other peoples cars/houses and then, when older still, in large smoke surrounded groups 'just hanging around'. All actions are of course supported by the parents at all ages on the basis that 'they're bored and there's nothing/nowhere for them to do/go'.

If we are out for a meal, either with or without the anklebiters, I don't want other children running about and creating while we eat because it is annoying, not least as we end up having to explain to a 3yr old why she can't run around like a screaming banshee too.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

This lax parenting and letting kids run around restaurants seems to be almost exclusively an Anglo thing (I'm including Americans/Canadians in this too). We go to Disneyland Paris quite often, and you can guarantee that those who let their kids run riot without batting an eyelid are English speaking. Euro kids seem to sit at the table and do as they are told. And I'm not talking about Disney restaurants - these were quite nice restaurants near to Disney but not part of the dreaded complex.

Ours were taught from an early age that they had to sit at the table and not run riot - any bad behaviour, and they were removed from the restaurant immediately.

Apart from the nuisance to other diners, do parents genuinely not think that their children could be badly burned/scalded with the staff carrying plates of hot food to and fro?

[Goldmandra]

Only very experienced practitioners and clinicians can tell that my DDs have AS. Lots of people who think they are qualified to judge have told me they don't. Fortunately the specialists who matter can see it and also see the terrible damage it has done to them.

I regularly get judged because of my DD's needs by people who think they know how to parent them better but I have never allowed them to behave in a way which impinges on others. If they can't sit still and behave appropriately in a restaurant they are taken outside immediately.

You can't tell if a child has SN but you can tell if a parent is making an effort to minimise the impact of their child's behaviour on others.

It is the lazy parents who can't be bothered to stop their children running round and disturbing others who should be getting the comments and the cat's bum faces, not those whose children who are behaving in an age inappropriate manner but whose behaviour is only noticed by those who are actively looking for things to criticise.

[SophiaTheFirst]

"Ours were taught from an early age that they had to sit at the table and not run riot - any bad behaviour, and they were removed from the restaurant immediately"

Yes, this is what we have done. Its a painful learning curve, we've had to leave restaurants half way through meals, even with friends, had to miss much awaited ice cream puddings etc with many tears and tantrums but they learnt that we meant what we said and that they are expected to sit nicely.
It was hard work teaching them, especially with my more naughty 'determined' child who can give anyone a run for their money, but we reap the rewards now. I can take them anywhere and at 2 and 4 I know they will behave.

I wasn't lucky just getting 'easy' children though, if that's what people think, I worked hard to teach them what was expected even when it ruined our day or cut short meals out with family/friends. Well worth it though.

[anklebitersmum]

It is the lazy parents who can't be bothered to stop their children running round and disturbing others who should be getting the comments

Obviously.

Parents having a hard time with their child/ren but clearly doing their best have my utmost respect regardless of the disruption.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Absolutely agree re the lazy parents, Goldmandra. If a child is having a meltdown for whatever reason, and the parent is doing something about it, judging and huffing is absolutely uncalled for. Would you want offers of help eg with the other children, if you are on your own? I ask because I was in a queue for a ride at an amusement park with my two, and the woman in front had a son who was having a complete meltdown and didn't want to go on the ride. I asked her if her daughter, who was waiting patiently, wanted to come on with us, as she looked about the same age as DD2, and there was room in the "car". She accepted gratefully, she and her son watched us go round and round, and I made a new friend, as did the DDs.

[Goldmandra]

Would you want offers of help eg with the other children, if you are on your own?

Absolutely! What you did was lovely and so refreshing amongst all the frowns and pursed lips.

Managing a meltdown in public when your child is clearly too old for the terrible twos can be a very lonely feeling.

[BlackMaryJanes]

The other day the toddler from the other side of the divide peaked his head over and we had a nice 5 min chat. He was telling me that it was his mum's birthday treat. It made for a nice lunch

Not everyone feels like that though. I'm a tired SAHM. I spend all day every day talking to two toddlers, when I go out for a rare meal I don't want to have to make yet more idle chat with another toddler when I'm trying to enjoy my meal.

[Flobbadobs]

Regarding children with ASD the parents of children who have this are usually the parents who are very much on the ball and keeping an eye out. I've had a couple of meals out where a parent has come over and apologised and explained about their children and all was well.
It's the parents who couldn't care less and just let the children run riot that annoy me.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Japonica..sorry..I did not mean to be so snarky ..Monday mornings

I'd just be very wary of assuming anything as its so bad for parents if you get it wrong IYSWIM

[Novemberish]

My DB and SiL are like this. My nephew (22 months) is a lovely, sweet little boy (most of the time) but they positively encourage him to run around restaurants and intrude on other tables under the guise of "learning social skills". I cringe when I see him running from table to table, shouting hello, trying to climb on other people or blathering away nonsense to them. Sometimes it has been painfully obvious that these people are trying to have some alone time, a private conversation or teaching their own dc to sit nicely at a table. Like the poster above, I have on occasion enjoyed chatting with a child in a cafe/restaurant but I don;t think this should be assumed as a default setting for people just because they have come out in public. I've even been out for meals with db and his family where they have actually pointed out people to whom he hasn't yet spoken and encouraged him to go and say hello.

Then there is the running around. My heart stops when I see my nephew zoom around the legs of a waiter carrying food and drink. I wouldn't say that db and SiL are lazy - just so blinkered to the fun their ds is having and how happy that makes them feel that the thought of anything going wrong - or, perish the thought, that someone else might not be enjoying his screams of laughter - doesn't actually enter their head.

Actually, OP, thinking about it - they were out for a family celebration meal yesterday with SiL's family. Perhaps you met my nephew?

[SauvignonBlanche]

YANBU at all, I can't stand children running round restaurants, I remember working as a waitress too well.

[chrome100]

Years ago I was a waitress in a pub that had a Wacky Warehouse attached so there were lots of children. Sadly, they did not confine their running around to the ball pit and freely did so in the restaurant. One day, a small child ran out as I was carrying a boiling plate of roast turkey and gravy and it went all over him. He was burned and had to be treated.

I felt awful, although there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. The pub agreed the child/parent was at fault and did not blame me, but I can still remember him shrieking when I dropped the food. His parents said I should have been more careful but I have looked back on the episode frequently and can;t think of anything I could have done differently to prevent it.

[JaponicaTroggs]

Fanjo Don't worry, as parents of special children we all naturally feel sensitive about how they are treated by other people. We're all on the same side against an ignorant world.