To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

Children are welcome with open arms in other countries.
But they usually don't run around screaming and under other people's feet. :)
Or have huge tantrums.
Or throw food.

This thread makes me a bit sad personally.

OP is NBU and kids shouldn't run around.

But my DD can throw tantrums, whine, throw food and tries to pour drinks etc on table. We always do our best to control her.

She is 6 but looks 7/8. But she has severe developmental delay and autism..

This isnt always apparent and we get loads of cat bum faced looks and remarks like from the lovely lady who sat facing us in a cafe saying 'it's the parents fault'. Or the man recently who was saying 'they just let them crash around' while glaring at us,DD was in kids play area of cafe but dropped the odd toy as she has poor grip and bumped into things as her spatial awareness is poor.

Of course there are badly behaved kids and kids allowed to run wild, and they are in the majority I assume.

But if it's an older child than a toddler acting in an outrageously 'badly behaved' manner,..ie japonicas 6 year old climbing on table..or a 6 year old having a 'tantrum'..do at least consider they have SN and rein in the cats bum faced looks just in case you cause serious hurt.

'One of the boys could not sit still and finished hs meal under the table' woud ring alarm bells to me, tbh.

Yet the parents are attracting massive disapproval. I'd be wary of glaring just in case, in that scenario.

This IS a real problem for me and other parents I knw, btw, as people give out to us and glare.

Not just me being SN obsessed or PC

It illustrates a wider problem in society, the rights of the individual always coming first and nobody is ever held accountable for their actions. It's not acceptable for children to run riot in a restaurant, even a family friendly one, they have play areas set aside for that. I went to a wedding last year and one of the guests was holding a baby that decided to have a screaming fit and rather than take it outside to calm it she decided to stay and share the screaming with all of us. It will no doubt bring back fond memories for the happy couple when they watch the video back in years to come!

I think it's more about how the parents respond to the behaviour than how the children behave. All children can have days when their behaviour is inappropriate in a restaurant.

If a child doesn't want to sit still for long periods that's perfectly understandable. Some parents respond by letting the child get down and run round. Others take the child out for a bit, make an effort to engage them rather than ignoring them in favour of the adult conversation, provide toys or just explain that it's not appropriate to get down just now.

I would never be irritated by the presence of a child whose parents are managing a difficult situation as best they can. I get irritated by people who allow their children to behave inappropriately and dangerously because they either think it is cute or can't be bothered to deal with it.

It's fairly easy to tell the difference.

We've had meals where DH and I have taken it in turns to eat while the other manages DD2 who has AS. If I take my children out to eat its because I want to share the experience with them. If I want to leave them to play while I chat with other adults I invite everyone to eat at our house or go somewhere where the children can run around safely like a pub with a soft play or outside play area. It's not difficult.

Like Fanjo I wouldn't have a problem with a child sitting under a table to eat as long as it was their own table. That doesn't affect anyone else and it may be the only way that child can cope.

I would never be irritated by the presence of a child whose parents are managing a difficult situation as best they can. I get irritated by people who allow their children to behave inappropriately and dangerously because they either think it is cute or can't be bothered to deal with it.

This is spot on.

It's the amount of disruption to others that creates the tension though.
I don't have a problem with a child eating under the table, or only eating a huge pile of one item from the menu, or pours a drink on their own table, or makes a lot of noise in a child's play area of a restaurant. Or being children in a place designed to appeal to families, loud voices and climbing around from one adult to another at their own table.
But if you go out for a meal, perhaps once a year then you should be able to eat and talk with others on your table without interruption from other guests.
Parents have a responsibility to manage their children, for the safety of the child and the reasonable comfort of others. DS used to deal with unwanted contact by roaring 'GO AWAY RIGHT NOW!' at children, with no regard as to age. It was surprisingly effective on both the child and the parents.

Yabu and boring.

2 year olds are cute.

Or If you would go to a proper posh restaurant, there would be no kids running around

No, Chandon, they cease to be anywhere near cute when they have run around your table, squealing and have bumped into your chair for the tenth time! This happened to us fairly recently.

Don't see at all why we should have to go to a seriously expensive restaurant just to avoid this issue. It's a very important social skill to learn from an early age how to behave considerately in public places. Most parents seem to manage it.

It's not just children that you need to watch out for. We once went out for a rare romantic meal in the Lake District before we had children. The tables were fairly close together and the single man at the next table insisted on talking to us for the entire two hours. I was too polite to be rude to him, but he obviously had no social boundaries.

You expected him to be telepathic?
He probably thought you were all getting on famously.

We were too young and nice to tell him to shut up. That would have been the only way to make him stop. Believe me, we tried everything else. We still remember it 28 years later, so must have been memorable.

FanjoForTheMammaries I have an autistic child myself and always take into account about possible special needs. The child concerned did not strike me as anything other than badly behaved (I know a LOT of children with special needs and can tell the difference). Like you I have had to cope with my childs behaviour in public and would always try to control it. Even if this boy had been autistic (he wasn't!) the parents did NOTHING but smile, laugh and pander to him.

YANBU last night whilst eating out we had two boys running circuits of the restaurant whilst their parents looked on seemingly oblivious. They weren't toddlers either probably aged between 5 and 8 years old as the tallest was taller than my dd aged 10. I was a nervous wreck for the waitresses who were bring dishes of piping hot food out.

I've had the dreaded 2 year old screamfest because dc has realised there's a play area and HE'S NOT IN IT!!.

But had the old buggy as a restraint I wouldn't let him run around tables mainly for safety as well as courtesy.

Japonica..you can't always tell. That's why the DX process is done by professionals and drawn out over several appts in different situations

I might sound evil but sometimes I think it would just be what the parents deserve if a waiter spilled not food all over their child. Maybe then in future they would allow their brats to run riot in a dangerous environment?

YANBU, I've left a restuarant before now if one of my DC's has been misbehaving. They're generally very well behaved when we go out to eat as we've eaten out alot since they were babies but occassionally when they were younger would act up. It would annoy me if someone elses children were doing it so I wouldn't inflict it on anyone else.

Oh I don't know, I can pretty much tell when there's autism involved (my ds is 18 and at the more severe end of the spectrum). I once had a lovely chat with a woman in a queue in Superdrug as she was trying to contain one if her 7 year old twins who was getting agitated by the crowds. His speech was okay and he wasn't in full meltdown but I knew those little stims and squeaks so well.

I once took ds and his sister for their birthday treat to a local restaurant. I made sure before it was a quiet time and we ordered our food by phone before we got there so he wouldn't have to sit waiting. He did sit really well but it was so alien to him that it hardly ate (unheard of for ds where pizza is concerned). There's no way he would have coped had it been busy though he seems to be able to tolerate McDs.

Celticpixie I worked as a waitress for a while and the amount of times I almost fell over small children while carrying hot food is unreal...

FanjoForTheMammaries Yes I do know that, been through it, so quit with the patronising. I COULD tell that this was a badly behaved child, I didn't need to ask for proof of DLA to assess the situation. I know the differences, having one of my own and running a special needs group with hundreds of special needs children, i did know, ok?

It drives me DAFT!

We have always had distractions for DD in our bag (nappy bag and then my handbag) - a little toy, colouring in pages and now it's her DS gamer and some wordsearches/sudoku/colouring pages. And we have taken control of her too - talked to her, made sure she had something to nibble or drink, and played with her or let others play with her. But our bums stay on our seats when we are out. (And she's been going to coffee shops, fast food joints and naice restaurants since a few days old).

My DSis's 2 kids are also well behaved when out and about. And she also has plenty to keep them occupied.

But my BIL's 3 are a nightmare! We gave up on family outings to restaurants once the eldest was about 2 - he couldn't sit in his seat and his parents do not control him nor allow anyone else to. Our poor DD, on the last family lunch outing, was getting so upset and following him around trying to make him go back to his seat (she was 4, and did come back to the table and sat down but was very upset - with him more than anything else). And it has now got to the stage where it's difficult to even have a family meal in PIL's house, as they won't sit still or keep in any way quiet (I don't mean silent, I mean not screeching and shouting over everyone else) or eat their food. And as their parents will not have babysitters, we don't get to go out for family dinners at night instead anymore (something that was very common). And we can't go out with the rest of the family without BIL and his troop either - we are reduced to waiting until they've gone to do some shopping or something before sneaking out with PIL (as they live next door to each other) for a pub grub dinner one night if we stay for a few days, to give MIL a break from cooking for us all (and PIL really LIKE going out for a PG meal - they have to sneak out though even when we are not there).

I dont think children running around any restaurant is acceptable. Whether that be a "family" place with a play barn attached, MacDonalds or a "posh" place aimed at adults its not acceptable. Its dangerous. Hot food, drinks in glasses, soup, coffees etc all being transported around the place - add kids running about and its a disaster waiting to happen. I dont get why so many think it is acceptable.

Noisy kids sat with their families in a family style restaurant - I have no problem with but children left to roam free with no regard for other people or the waiting staff is just stupid and irresponsible parenting.

This weekend my 14yo had a near miss (at Toby Carvery Breakfast) when 2 boys aged around 4yo were playing tag, running around the restaurant and literally ran into her as she carried her hot chocolate back to the table. She spilt some of the drink -thankfully on the floor and not the children. It was a damn hot drink, and would have burnt a child badly.

Its not about other people being stuffy or disliking children. Now mine are older I love chatting and interacting with little ones when I get the chance but its the risks and danger involved that some parents seem to be oblivious to.

YANBU. We have taken ours out for lunches since they were tiny to get them used to having good social manners. Started off very low key and child friendly, pizza express and similar, where they are used to having children and a bit of noise. Now our DDs are used to sitting at a meal in a restaurant for hours. They bring drawing stuff, and have conversations with everyone else around the table. DS is 17m and he also sat for the best part of 3 hours during the meal we had a few weeks ago. DP and I got him out of his high chair a couple of times for a run around OUTSIDE in the garden, and DP took him outside for the last course as it was taking forever and he was clearly getting bored. We did however take out ipad and let him watch episodes of Peppa Pig. Some people would be horrified at the technology at the table, but I don't give a rats arse. We were able to have a nice meal where none of the DC kicked up a fuss, ran around or screamed.