To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

Oh whatever. If you don't get it you don't get it.

I can understand why someone who has a child with special needs would not want their child to be defined by that special need - and I can see that it is different than saying a NT child.

The other posters were posting in a reasonable kindly manner and meant no harm so I didn't feel need to pick them up on a slightly wrong word order.

You, on the other hand were ranting about 'your SN kid'.

Entirely different.

With all mine, we have taken them to cafe's for drinks first before eventually venturing into nice restaurants once 'trained up'. Thankfully my kids behave very well including the youngest aged 2 - who will happily sit and draw/chat/play in his chair. I wouldn't bother otherwise as it's not fair on others.

Excuse me, there was NO ranting! Go back and re-read my posts. I was absolutely not ranting. That is a gross mischaracterization, and I wonder about your motives.

SDGT, I can also understand someone not wanting their child to be solely defined by their needs and abilities. I do think, though, that in the context of the discussion it makes perfect sense for me to have 'defined' her child in terms of her special needs, since that was basically the entire point and the only information available about the DD and since Fanjo was herself talking about her DD exclusively in terms of her special needs...I said it in the same way that on a thread about hair colour, if one person was saying that their child was being bullied at school as a dumb blonde, I might write "your blonde kid".

I also don't think that one can object to the phrase "SN kid" while simultaneously talking (in fairly combative tones) about "NT kids". Both use a modifying adjective which could- as you say - be construed as 'defining' the child in question. If Fanjo feels passionately that her DD is not "her SN kid", just her kid, then she should avoid the construction about other people's children.

Fanjo defined her kid this way. I followed her lead. She wants to make an issue of it - fine. Carry on, carry on.

When I say there was no ranting, let me be clear - I may have ranted a bit at bella, but my posts to you were perfectly reasonable; I did say that you seemed to be projecting because you were reading things into the thread that were not there and ignoring all the many posters who were going to great lengths to explain the difference to you. You still are,

www.mumsnet.com/info/search?query=%22sn+kid%22
and
www.mumsnet.com/info/search?query=sn+child

brdgrl

NT is an abbreviation of an adjective which describes a child as having no additional needs. You are unlikely to cause offence to parents using such a description.

SN is an abbreviation of an adjective and a noun. "SN child" defines the child by their additional need - as if it were the whole child. My children are not SN. They do have SN or as I would prefer it AN (additional needs). However their additional need is not the child, it is a small aspect of their make-up.

Maybe you could describe children as "child with SN" in future?

This thread proves that the UK has lost all tolerance for people, especially children. I'm glad I'm not a person who gets irritated by the most insignificant things, life must be pretty shit for you. I love it when children come talk to me, in a restaurant or anywhere else.

and I am sorry to be a dog with a bone over this, but I do resent this. Fanjo herself has described her child at least once (on another thread, granted) as an "SN kid".

I give up.

If you search 'SN kid' 'SN child' or 'SN children' on Mumsnet you get hundreds (thousands??) of results. It is a very, very commonly used term by all sorts of posters.

It's not about SN or NT. It's about parents doing their best to minimise the negative impact their child may be having on other customers. A child, with or without SN running around the restaurant, pawing through other people's bags, taking food off other tables while mummy and daddy blissfully ignore them needs to be attended to. A child sitting at their table with bumping a few cars against the salt shaker or getting a bit sulky about waiting for their dinner whilst mummy and daddy try and distact them is a completely different issue.

Now that my DS is getting older I have actually stopped going out with one friend who is like Bella and thinks it is acceptable. I don't want my DS to think he can do it too. The last straw for me was when her child kept going up to a service dog sitting next to its owner and wouldn't leave it alone. The dogs owner said the first time she came up allowed her to pat the dog, but after that kept asking my friend to keep her child away from the dog as he was working. My friend thought it was "so adorable, she's going to be a vet". Have never gone to dinner with her again it was so embarrassing.

Chatting nicely and having a little wander around is different than messing with peoples bags and harming anyone. I mean ffs if someone talks to me my meal isn't ruined especially if its a child doing it. Think people need to be more positive, I see no problem if something isn't harming or hurting someone, lighten up

Do you even have dcs? Calling my kids brats is pretty vile... :S

Everyone I know is the same as me in this respect. I just don't understand your opinion personally. Seems very negetive to be honest
And oh great... I'm not harming anyone what's the problem

The last thing I am going to say.

Whatever terms I used myself, I felt offended when you referred to my DD as 'your SN kid'.

Not sure why you are banging on about it, searching my other posts and insisting I suck it up.

Yes, exactly like a dog with a bone.

Give it a rest,

I ask that you Do give up and stop harassing me and browbeating me about your right to refer to my DDin a manner that I find offensive.

Shocking.

It doesn't prove that the UK has lost all tolerance for people, especially children, happybubblebrain - they respond well to polite adults and children. If a small child comes into a restaurant and beams at everyone and says 'hello' then most people will smile back and respond without a thought. I had a DS of about 3yrs blow me a kiss once and it was lovely!
That is because they are going to sit down and be in the charge of the parent. You feel differently if they then come back, stare at you, ask lots of questions, think your space is a playground etc. and the parent just thinks this is OK and doesn't do anything.
The frustration is that you can't do much, you don't want to make a scene and tackle the parent, it isn't really fair to tackle the DC who just has a lazy parent who hasn't bothered to teach that there is different behaviour expected in different places and the most frustrating thing if all is you know that the parent will kick off if you attempt to do their job and pick the child up, sit them down and amuse them. Therefore you put up with it, the parent is able to fondly imagine there is nothing wrong with it and you just make sure you avoid that particular restaurant in the future.
I shall probably take the cowards way out in future and say to staff 'could you ask the parent to control their child?'

Late to this but yadnbu. If a child (below 10/12 when they can take themselves to the loo) Is out of their seat then adult should be too. This is regardless of an ANs. Why would you let your child wander around a potentially dangerous environment ? FWIW I am always delighted to chat to tots coming up to the table with their parents, but on their own ? I get anxious a d feel vaguely responsible. I do think "good behavior" is in the eye of the beholder which changes depending on the environment and how everyones tolerance levels are doing that day.

We have always eaten out with ours.I remember well the first time DH and I both managed to sit through 3 courses (they were nearly 3 &5). Before that we tag-teamed or just had one corse and split. Letting your kids run about while you get stuck in is the worst of lazy parenting IMO.

Bella. How far do you let your children wander?

I ask because my friend, then a waitress, walked into a little child who she couldn't see who was just wandering about (not running) and dropped hot soup on them. She was initially very guilty until the parents started blaming her, rather than themselves. Then she told them to wind their necks in.

So who would you blame in that situation - the waitress or yourself?

Bella would of course blame the waitress. She's obviously that kind of parent - it's written in her posts. Can't stand it. Am hiding this now. Disgraceful behaviour.

Can't believe the mud slinging on this thread!