To get pissed off at children running around in restaurants?

[CelticPixie]

We went out for lunch today and there was a large group sat behind us. It was obviously a family celebration with parents, grandparents, kids etc. A little boy from the group who must have been around two was running around our part of the restaurant screaming and shouting and getting under the feet of waiting staff carrying hot food etc. He also kept approaching people at other tables and kept asking them if they were having their dinner and what they were having. At no point did his parents do anything to stop him and they just kept on smiling at him, but it was obvious that he was getting on everyone else's nerves.

Its a family friendly place and there were lots of other small children in there but he was the only one running about and being a nuisance. I will NOT allow my DDs to run about and disrupt others people's meals and it pisses me off that other people have so little consideration for anyone but themselves. If mine wants to go to the loo one of us takes them, if they are bored we take them out to the play area. It's really not hard is it?

I agree with YouTheCat

I was brought up with a meal out of the house being very much a huge treat. At about the age of 10 I remember going out for a huge family meal to celebrate my sted dads parents wedding anniversary. My three step cousins were all around the same age and were a total sha,bles, running around the place, shouting over everyone and then when the meals came one had a half chicken and set into ripping it to pieces with his hands.

I remember looking at my mum and her look saying two things
1 - Ever act like that and I will deal first there and then and second when you get home
2 - Well done for knowing not to act like that

My kids do not move from the seat unless we know where and why they are moving. Also I wouldnt let them dream of harressing the people we are with let alone strangers.

Thankyou, 5mad

trying to plan this years camping holiday at the moment!

Checks profile and waves back at youthecat

Enjoy your holiday planning haze hope you have a lovely time :)

5mad you must never reveal my secret identity.

I think it's the 'trying' bit that is important, SN or not. It's those parents who do nothing but grin adoringly as their precious bundle tears about, squealing whilst people are eating and waiting staff are carrying hot food that's the issue.

Have to agree with this. When we have been plagued by unruly children in restaurants, we were sympathetic with the parents who were obviously trying their best in difficult circumstances. Less so to the ones who totally ignored their offspring or seemed to think it was all very cute. It's not!

I have no problems with noisy children because children are noisy. It's the ones who use restaurant tables as an obstacle course that rile me.

Like LaQueen, we worked hard to teach our children the appropriate behaviour for restaurants. We have had compliments on how nicely they behave, and we have had waiters and restaurant managers express pleasure at seeing us come back to their establishment. And now ds1 is away at u over situ, and ds2 is off in the autumn to start his degree, and I am confident that they have the necessary social skills to cope with whatever comes their way.

MsBella - I am afraid that you are not doing the right thing for your child by teaching him that it is OK to wander around in restaurants - he needs to learn the appropriate behaviour for them - and at the moment, you are teaching him that it is OK to wander around and interrupt other diners, and the longer you go on letting him do this, the longer you go on reinforcing the message that his behaviour is OK, and the harder it will be to teach him that actually he can't wander round under the wait staff's feet, interrupting people.

And unless he is always within your arm's reach, he IS at risk of a waiter tripping over him and injuring either him, themselves or another diner - and that would be your responsibility. If a parent is letting their child wander round a restaurant, and they trip up a waiter, causing someone else to be hurt, they could try to sue you for damages, for that injury/loss of earnings/pain and distress.

What if your child trips a waiter carrying boiling coffee, and it is tipped all over another child or a baby - would you think then that perhaps you should have made your son stay at your table?

You are going to say that those are very extreme situations, and they couldn't happen - but unless you have a crystal ball, you cannot know that. You have simply been lucky so far, that's all.

SDTG.

Bella doesn't see it the same way that you do though. No amount of telling her she is doing wrong will make her see it if she doesn't want to.
I'm not saying you and others don't have a point you clearly do, especially the H&s aspects. however, I'm sure that as the restaurant are liable for accidents they would step in if they found anything breaching H&S regs.

Now I know you and many others have judged or condemned Bella's actions but to say he actually can't wander round isn't correct because he clearly can and nobody is stopping him. Some people don't comply with what many people see as the norm, we are all different.

As I said earlier a lot of posts on here have added things to Bella's original postings and have made her out to be a bad parent or at least been judgemental. I don't agree with the comments I'm afraid.

I don't think that anyone (other than the odd arsehole) is judging parents whose children have sn. There's a world of difference between a badly parented brat and a child who has issues they and their parents can't control. People can tell the difference. Even if a disability isn't obvious, a parent who is dealing with the behaviour is not being judged and most would be sympathetic with someone who seemed to be struggling. It is those who gaze adoringly or ignore while their children run riot that drive people up the wall. Always parents of nt children ime.

Why do we all get glares and comments all the time then when out?

If people can tell the difference and everyone can tell which children have SN?

Why do you get glares and comments? Because, unfortunately, some people are fucking arseholes. Some are ignorant, some just have no knowledge of SN and some are arseholes.

I'd have a problem with the parent of a child who is screaming (for whatever reason - SN or not) and not doing anything. By not doing anything, I don't mean ignoring for 30 seconds and trying something else but actually, ignoring the behaviour.

Crashdoll is right - it would be the parent who was clearly doing nothing about their child's behaviour that I would judge - I completely accept that I'm not going to be able to tell if a child has special needs just by looking, but I do think I would be able to tell if a parent was trying to deal with the child's behaviour.

Fanjo; I suspect that the rudest people always have something to say and are looking for something to complain about.

I also think people can usually tell, when a child is behaving in a manner that would be perfectly normal in a playground and interacting normally with others (but behaving inappropriately for a restaurant) while the parents gaze lovingly/ignore, then it's safe to say that chances are there's nothing wrong with the kid, just a failure of the parent to supervise and control them. My sister never controlled hers, my best friend doesn't believe in controlling hers, their kids are not sn and it's obvious to everyone by their behaviour and the parents non reactions that the issue is a lack of discipline.

I am not judging the DC's behaviour-I am judging the parents on how they deal with it-therefore I would feel differently about SN and I think you can spot them, whatever they look like, by the parent's response.

My use of the words "your SN kid" was not meant to be offensive. Many people whose children have special needs use exactly that phrase, sometimes while advocating for their child. In the context of the discussion here, it seems appropriate.
You yourself used the phrase "NT kids" above in the thread, and at least one other poster making a similar case to your own used the phrase "SN children".

Anyway, yes, I am intolerant of rude parents. Very.

alarkthatcouldpray

I genuinely don't notice noise from other people's children

. Trust me, when your kids are older you will start to notice other people's kids. When you have kids the ages that you have I found it hard to think straight sometimes let alone notice what went on around me. . I loved it but I was a bit zoned out.

These days a little kid crying goes right through me .

Even if people disagree strongly, and think it is perfectly acceptable that DCs wander in restaurants, I think they will now get the picture that many other customers are not happy.

"NT kids" is hardly going to be offensive on any level is it.

That is pure nit picking semantics

alarkthatcouldpray. . I don't think I noticed little kids before I had mine either but I think the enjoyable but slightly chaotic years when i had little kids around have left me more sensitive.

I love the noise of the nieghbours kids playing but I just don't like little kids running around or screeching in restaurants or cafes. (I know screeching is noones fault but it sets my teeth on edge ).

Promise I don't judge though well 99% of the time anyway

"NT kids" is hardly going to be offensive on any level is it.
That is pure nit picking semantics

No, you started that.

I simply don't think saying "your SN kid", in a context of a discussion you began about your child with special needs, is any more offensive than a poster saying "SN children" (as above) or you yourself saying "NT kid".