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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you for a name for daughter's bits?

301 replies

lucamom · 07/04/2013 09:11

Apologies in advance if this is inappropriate.

My two boys (6 & 4) are mildly obsessed with the fact that baby sister (1) doesn't have a dinkle. We deal with the anatomy explanations quite well I think until it comes time to 'name' her bits (appropriate to their age, but avoiding twee names like foo-foo/Twinkie etc)

I hate the 'v' word (rubbish I know-sister is a midwife who believes in using medical terms for everything!), and I think as a kid we used fanny, which I also hate.

So tell me, what do you/your daughter's call yours? Inspiration needed please.

Sorry if this is weird!

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 14:46

ihear....people DO give boy's penises a pet name "Winky" "Willy" "Dick" "Winkle" and lots more.

OxfordBags · 07/04/2013 14:46

I'm really not buying the whole argument that using silly words for female genitals indicates that they're private and special. To me, using silly words does the opposite, as it stops them sounding as though there is something real and important there.

Calling your vagina a minkie or whatever does not imply that is private, FFS. It makes it sound like a toy or a pet... And aren't we encouraged to share and touch those?

Moreover, using a silly name for a body part when we don't use one for any other parts (handies instead of hands, for example, doesn't count, as that's just a cutesy variant of the right word) stops that part seeming real and important (ie to be kept safe). It just sounds like something vague and silly and a bit icky.

What actually tells girls that their vaginas/vulvas are private and special are age-appropriate, frank and unembarrassed discussions about genitals, touching, boundaries, etc.

Why are so many women (and that's the tragedy here, the self-collusion with sexism) scared to let their daughters take their genitals seriously and view them as real, normal, healthy, etc.?

ChairmanWow · 07/04/2013 15:00

Aren't we all getting a bit judgy about what others choose to call girls' gentials? I really don't see how it matters whether they're called a vulva, tuppence or frigging ickle wickle rose petal as long as girls are taught that their genitals are a part of them and nothing to be ashamed of. They're just words. I didn't hear the word vagina until sex ed and I've somehow managed to come to terms with this terrible omission on the part my parents.

In other news, I'm yet to see anyone use the MN shorthand, fanjo with their kids. I mean, we all use it and most of us seem to be coping with the fact that we have vaginas fairly well. Hmm

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 15:29

Oxford....but no...I have told both of my DC what their vaginas are for...what the real names for the various parts are and yet I'm just not going to say "Did you wipe your anus darling?" when the little one has been to the loo!

Neither would I say "Now you must change your kinckers daily dear or you will get an itchy vagina."

No. I will say what I like thanks and we have a laugh about them....it's fine...as I say, I like being creative.

HeadfirstForHalos · 07/04/2013 15:30

For general use we use "bits", also we use fairy and willy.

They do know the medical terms, vulva, vagina, penis and testicles, but prefer to use the other names.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 15:30

Chairman I do say "Fanjita" on occasion as to my children.

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 15:49

My goodness it's up to parents what words they use to describe their child's genitals. I qute like what another poster has said, e.g this is called your vulva but sometimes people give it different names; and let your child decide what they feel comfortable with.

fuckwittery · 07/04/2013 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:03

My dd 6 has asd and signigpficant developmental delay, that means sh is not at the maturity level of her peers and would not understand the anatomical names, I just call her girls bits when referring to them e.g put some shower gel on your hand dd and wash your girly bits

FoofFighter · 07/04/2013 16:07

Wow, this must be what it feels like to be name-checked on MN threads a lot Grin

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:09

Oxford bags Biscuit, what the hellis wrong with girls having names for their vulva, boys have different names for their bits, why not girls. What is it to you if women choose to use a cutsy names for teir genitals it's up to each woman!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 16:12

piglet....your DD doesn't need and should not use shower gel or soap on her foof. Grin or her vaginny. She needs water...that's all we need.

SquinkiesRule · 07/04/2013 16:13

Lady parts

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:13

Well sometimes she has poo accidents which go on her bits so have to wash it off

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:14

Usually I bung her n the bath and put some infacare in there and let it work

OxfordBags · 07/04/2013 16:44

Piglet, if people are allowed to think it's fine to be too scared to call their genitals by a correct name, I am equally allowed to think it's daft!

Also, how is vulva any harder to say than girl bits? V is an easier sound for the mouth to make than G, for a start. How is vulva or vagina harder to understand than girly bits? It's no harder to understand than elbow, say. Am not being disingenuous, these are genuine questions.

You can tell her to call them them whatever you like, I'm not trying to tell anyone not to, I just don't get it and think the arguments for cutesy names are spurious.

Original poster
lucamom · 07/04/2013 16:49

I can't really explain why I think the correct names somehow don't seem appropriate. I just imagine that if my son said to his (22 year old male) teacher that he saw his mom's bits, I'd be slightly embarrassed, but if he said he saw his mom's vulva I'd be mortified.

Don't know why, but out of the mouths of children the terms Vulva and vagina sound crude and wrong.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:50

Thats your opinion but I prefer to refer to them as I do to dd, also I don't like te word vulva, every time te car Volvo is entwined I think f vulva. I refer to my Fanjo not my vulva, it's a Rivas thing ad up to me

pigletmania · 07/04/2013 16:52

Meant Private. I agree Luca that would finish me off, whereas bits are not too bad. I call ds 14 monts hs willy when changing him

Xmasbaby11 · 07/04/2013 16:54

flower

thegreylady · 07/04/2013 17:03

my dd had a 'gina' to rhyme with 'finer' and ds astonishingly had a penis! His friend had a winkle and when we were on holiday we went to Holy Island and there was a stall selling winkles and cockles Grin

Catmint · 07/04/2013 17:12

We shortened vagina to 'gina, (rhymes with china) as it is easy to say, and recognisable for the body part it actually is.

Now dd is 6, she knows that gina is short for vagina, but still says gina.

How many times can I say gina or vagina in one post?

Catmint · 07/04/2013 17:12

Oops, cross post grey lady Smile

HerrenaHarridan · 07/04/2013 17:14

It's a vulva and a penis for crying out loud.

Read (or better go and see) the vagina monologues.

There is nothing crude or confusing about them.

I was massively offended when my midwife referred to my 'down there'
She's a fucking midwife and she can't say vagina aaaaaaaaaargh!

Fwiw I think vulva a brilliant word, penis is a bit silly sounding but I use it!

StuntGirl · 07/04/2013 17:18

Vulva.

I would never teach a child an alternate word, any more than I would teach them an incorrect term for their head or their leg.

It only sounds 'wrong' because you don't use it often. Use it, and it will become second nature soon enough.