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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

278 replies

princessj29 · 05/04/2013 22:21

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 06/04/2013 07:14

Yes, it's over the top. It's a lovely idea and I hope your DD is excited and delighted by it. The world should be magical and full of wonder when you are 5.
Having had things missing in your own childhood, of course you want them for your child, that's the way that the majority parent. You remember bad things that happened as a child and try not to do that to your own children.
Your friend was unkind.

ArrowofApollo · 06/04/2013 07:31

I agree with your friend(sorry). However you friend was a spiteful bitch to tell you this.Angry She needs to learn to think before she speaks!
My friends have done things that are not to my taste/inclination but I wouldn't dream of raining on their parade by telling them! That is just mean spirited.

storminabuttercup · 06/04/2013 07:33

I think it's a wonderful idea. In fact I'm probably going to steal it in a few years!

When I was little my dad made a point of taking us somewhere every Sunday in the summer. Be it to the garden centre to look at the animals, to a park, walk round the woods wherever. One day we got in the car and he said we were going to a DIY store but instead we went to flamingo land. It was fantastic!!

I love reading all the lovely ideas at Christmas of what people do to create magic, I'm tempted to start a thread of lovely all year magic ideas...

Iteotwawki · 06/04/2013 07:48

I always wonder, when people post stories like this (or when the inevitable "what are your DC getting for Christmas" threads start), why anyone asks "How are you going to top that next year?"

Why is there a perceived requirement for each year to be bigger and better than the last? The OP has already said it's a once-in-a-lifetime trip due to expense. I don't see why anyone has to rain on her parade by being sneery about what she may or may not follow it with.

OP, I think it's a fab idea. Doesn't cost much and will just add to the marvellous experience for your DD.

Your friend was being a complete bitch, ignore her.

FWiW, we organised a trip to Legoland Windsor for my older son for his 6th birthday last year, staying in the brand new hotel and timed so he'd wake up in Legoland on his birthday. Given we live in NZ, this was a huge deal and he still remembers his breakfast doughnut with candles :) This year he wants a few mates over for pizza and a movie. You don't have to top a fabulous experience just because you've done it once - you just make that one experience as special as you can. Which is what you're planning.

milkymocha · 06/04/2013 07:53

I have just come back from Disneyland and think its a fab idea. As long as your daughter is happy then sod your 'friend', Disney is OTT.. Thats the point Wink

BearPear · 06/04/2013 07:59

Another vote for yanbu here!

Our DD dislikes people in those character costumes, so Disney was "interesting" for her - and someone at the house would have freaked her out at 5! However, you know your DD and I agree that this is a cool idea. Your friend has a seriously warped mind!

TarkaTheOtter · 06/04/2013 08:01

Agree with milky, Disneyland is meant to be OTT. Nothing about the trip will be tasteful, you just have to get into the spirit of it.

Op your friend is entitled to her opinion, but she should have kept her mouth shut.

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 08:32

"this phrase "making memories" just makes me want to barf. It sounds so false and set up. Imo we should be living life in the present and having experiences we all enjoy, which may or may not become memories."

^^ this

Also to me adults dressing up as fictional characters and pretending to actually be them insults children's intelligence.

It's the opposite of magic - it takes imagination and mystery and brings it kicking and screaming into the mundane.

I can't bear it.

BippyB · 06/04/2013 08:36

I do think it's a bit OTT. But on the other hand if you had a horrible childhood it's understandable that you want to make your own kids' childhood exciting. Perhaps your friend is just worried that your kids will end up spoilt but obviously expressed it badly.

Hardly worth falling out over. Be glad your friend feels she can be honest with you.

Littleturkish · 06/04/2013 08:42

Treating our children like they have a terminal illness- as in, enjoying them, treating them, showing them you love them in whatever way you want- can't be a bad thing, surely?

It's not a material good you're giving her- it's a surprise. Yes, it's a little OTT. But in a harmless cute way. Buying her 'stuff' would 'spoil' her far more.

LIZS · 06/04/2013 08:44

How horrible but do think you are being ott, if I'm honest!

youmaycallmeSSP · 06/04/2013 08:46

I think it's OTT but I am rather envious of your imagination! I wish I thought of this kind of thing for my DC. They're only 3 and 5 months though so there's still time :o

TwllBach · 06/04/2013 08:51

Well I think it's wonderful. I really can't see any harm at all in trying to make things as magical and memorable as possible for DC. I realise child hood is a modern concept, but I can't wait to have DC so I can create "magic" it's also why I became a primary school teacher

macdoodle · 06/04/2013 08:52

You're friend is a bitch, but you do sound slightly demented (in a sweet sort of dappy way). I do wonder though if I was your friend whether all your OTT (slightly ridiculous) gestures would drive me batshit. I suspect I probably wouldn't be your friend as my style of parenting is rather more neglectful...horrid thing for her to say though.

ChristmasJubilee · 06/04/2013 08:53

My friend decorates her house like Santa's grotto every Christmas, like a house of horrors at Halloween and like Easter bunny land at Easter, complete with all the activities to go with it. Every birthday party has to be the biggest, most exciting, "only one ever to have thought of it" party ever to the extent that my s/n ds has to be excluded as it is all too much for him.

I think it is really OTT. It's just not my thing at all (which I am sure she has noticed by now) however I would never tell her this. They are her children and she has every right to do as she likes.

I think it's a but OTT but everyone to their own. Her remark was completely uncalled for and I would drop her as a friend.

Leonas · 06/04/2013 09:02

Who cares if it is over the top - if it makes you and your DD happy (which it most certainly will) then do it!

TheSloppelganger · 06/04/2013 09:05

That really was a tasteless and mean-spirited thing for your friend to say.

A holiday to Disneyland is a lovely surprise, but a magical presentation of the tickets and a few advance goodies relating to the special holiday is just extending and making the treat even bigger and better. What parent doesn't want to make nice things even better and more exciting for their DC?

Yes, it is maybe a little 'OTT' (or perhaps just unusually creative?) for a lot of people's tastes, but it sounds like a really nice and pretty affordable idea that would give a lot of pleasure all round. So what on earth is wrong with that?

AThingInYourLife · 06/04/2013 09:11

"What parent doesn't want to make nice things even better and more exciting for their DC?"

I don't.

I can't bear this kind of lily-gilding shite.

olivertheoctopus · 06/04/2013 09:15

Your friend is a bitch. Do you want to do!

BeckAndCall · 06/04/2013 09:23

It doesn't matter whether your friend thinks you're OTT or not - it's the fact that she not only rained on your happy parade, it's the analogy she used to do it that's so offensive.

It makes no difference if anyone thinks Disney is naff or not - it should only matter to a friend that its special to you and your family: it's not about the place or the activity, it's about the fact that a friend is excited and happy and planning something special for her family and she thought that it would be OK to just stomp on that? Not a friend at all.

FWIW, for many people they remember their kids faces when they tell them they're going to Disney - my eldest is 22 now and I can see as plain as day the expression on his face when he was 10 when we told them we were going. It's a priceless memory for the parents, as well as the kids.

Trazzletoes · 06/04/2013 09:24

AThing the OP isn't asking you (or her friend) to bear it though, is she.

If you don't like it, don't do it. And it sounds like you don't - fine.

But do you not think its extremely rude of the "friend" to announce that OP is treating her child as if she is terminally ill?

Even if its not to your taste, surely you don't just go round saying things like that to people who are supposed to be your friends?

SminkoPinko · 06/04/2013 09:30

That is a really horrible thing to say.

LatteLady · 06/04/2013 09:32

I think you have a fabulous imagination... what a lucky girl your DD is.

I am wondering if 55 is too old for you considering adopting me if I promise to be a good girl? Wink

difficultpickle · 06/04/2013 09:33

I would lose the friend. What a really offensive comment.

Childhood should be about creating magical memories. I have very few of those from my childhood probably only one I can think of. I would hate for ds to grow up and look back on his childhood and not have any special memories.

Mind you I took ds to Disneyland Paris when he was 5. He got thoroughly fed up of seeing Mickey Mouse everywhere. We were in one restaurant with loads of children wanting their photo with Mickey. He came up to ds who told him to go away and stop bothering him Blush

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 06/04/2013 09:35

What the hell does it matter to her what you choose to do?

It's your money and your daughter.

It doesn't affect her at all. You're not asking her to be involved with it and you're not asking her to pay for it.

Her sneering tone is unacceptable. Even if it's not something she'd choose to do - so what? Why does that mean it's ok to say nasty things to you to try to make you feel bad about your choices?

Tell her to sod off.