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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend said i treat DD as though she's terminally ill

278 replies

princessj29 · 05/04/2013 22:21

Later in the year we're going to Disneyland. DD, age 5, doesn't know yet and I was planning on hiring a Mickey costume for DH's friend to wear to deliver the tickets and some Disney goodies to announce the trip to DD. My friend said this 'special treatment' is ridiculous and that I treat DD like she's terminally ill by arranging things like this! I just wanted DD to have a lovely memory, that's all. She still totally believes that people dressed up are real characters and would be amazed by Mickey coming to the house. The suit only costs £10 to hire but she'll remember it forever- AIBU to think this is just a nice thing to do and that my friend was out of line?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 00:11

I've known a couple of people like that bedmonst, and it always turns out that they've had a bollocks childhood and are making up for lost time.

The OP said she had a shit one herself, but the waking up at the MILs and Easter Bun things are within the normal perimeters of stuff you'd do for your DC that you'd never in a million years do at any other time.

At least the OPs not dressing up and is getting DHs mate to do it! (clever OP Grin) If she was getting a bit too much of a kick out of it, surely she'd dress up herself?

KatyTheCleaningLady · 06/04/2013 00:12

I would maybe inwardly secretly roll my eyes a tiny bit, but mostly I would think what you were doing was cute and think it's sweet that you have such enthusiasm for this sort of thing.

What your "friend" said was way out of order and she should go suck a bag of dicks.

Smooshy · 06/04/2013 00:18

It's not something I would do myself, but I know quite a few people who have gone to Disney and surprised their children in some special way so I wouldn't think anything of it.

Your friend is certainly not a friend and has been hugely insulting.

rockinhippy · 06/04/2013 00:23

she should go suck a bag of dicks

I just spat cocoa over my iPad screen Grin

I do hate it when people refer to indulging our DCs as "Spoiling them"

My wise old aunt who spent her whole working life running a large nursery used to say "you spoil a child far more by what you don't do for them, than you ever can by what you do for them"

She was right, I see FAR more brat tush behaviour amongst DCs who are left to et away with doing what they like & the parents don't know how to say no, than I ever do in those whose DPs go to town with special occasions

& FTR, I hate all things Disney too, but I LOVED the look of wonder on my own DD & her friends faces - I did think being there would be my idea of hell, but it was about making memories for DD - I surprised myself by loving it:)

rockinhippy · 06/04/2013 00:25

Brattish - porno autocorrect at it again Grin

anonymosity · 06/04/2013 00:26

Your friend has no business commenting on how you raise your daughter.

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 00:28

'porno autocorrect at it again'

That has to be another typo Grin

McNewPants2013 · 06/04/2013 00:33

It sounds like you want the best for your child, there is nothing wrong with doing that.

Is your friend struggling with money at all

Snazzynewyear · 06/04/2013 00:34

It's quite an elaborate thing to do, but that's totally your choice, it's being done for a nice reason (wanting to see your DD's happy response) and your 'friend' was being incredibly rude by commenting as she did. If she mentions it again, I would say 'Oh yes, you got all worked up about this before, didn't you? Oh well, I'm happy I'm doing it'. and then refuse to engage in any more discussion about it.

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 06/04/2013 00:37

I think undoing stuff like is is a perk of parenting, you get to pretend again, to make believe. Ds2 loved it when Darth Vader came to his party, it was July and rather hot for dp in the outfit but it made the party, the kids loved it!

They are only little once, you will all treasure these memories op :)

muminthecity · 06/04/2013 00:38

I think what you're doing is lovely. Friend sounds like an utter wanker.

I'm taking my DD to see Mamma Mia in the west end on Monday. I am planning to suggest we snuggle up and watch the film (her favourite) on Sunday and then present her with the tickets. I can't wait to see the look on her little face! Nothing wrong with going a bit OTT every once in a while. Grin

rockinhippy · 06/04/2013 00:38

No Agent that was me this time Grin - my autocorrect has got into a bad habit of subbing porno word all over the shop Blush

Still18atheart · 06/04/2013 00:39

That's a lovely thing to do

I still remember the way my Dad told me we were off to Disneyland. He scrambled all the letters on a piece of paper and told me to guess where we were off to. Simple, but all these years later I still I still remember

Your DD is going to love your idea and will remember it forever. Don't listen to the silly cow YADNBU

Have a fab time out there

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 00:41

''Oh yes, you got all worked up about this before, didn't you? Oh well, I'm happy I'm doing it'. and then refuse to engage in any more discussion about it.'

I'd be tempted to make her squirm a bit more than that, and have to ask her to elaborate on why she felt the need to voice her concerns.

But then I have few social skills Grin

AgentZigzag · 06/04/2013 00:42

Technology + human nature = recipe for maximum embarrassment rockin Grin

rockinhippy · 06/04/2013 00:44

Too true Grin & I'm with you on your previous post too - I'd be making the friend squirm too, the way she phrased her disapproval was disgusting Hmm

5eggstremelychocaletymadeggs · 06/04/2013 00:47

'I think doing stuff like this is a perk of parenting'. It should say...

Emilythornesbff · 06/04/2013 05:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 06/04/2013 06:07

She is jealous, you sound lovely. Keep making those memories.

NotTreadingGrapes · 06/04/2013 06:18

In 25 yrs time, when your daughter is a mumsnetter, there will be one of those "what's your favourite memory" threads, and your daughter will post this one.

Your friend is jealous.

I don't do Disney/Princessy stuff, as dd has never been interested in it. But a similar surprise, even at 9, would thrill her to bits.

Hope you all have a lovely time. Flowers

sashh · 06/04/2013 06:58

Friend is being a bitch.

But

I know someone who's small child was a huge Mr Blobby fan.

Mr Blobby came to his birthday party and said small child completely freaked out.

fatfingers · 06/04/2013 06:59

I am also in the minority here because I think this is OTT and your friends had a point (although I'd never actually say that to a friend).

AND...I've started so I'll finish...this phrase "making memories" just makes me want to barf. It sounds so false and set up. Imo we should be living life in the present and having experiences we all enjoy, which may or may not become memories. Some of my best childhood memories are such simple things - games I played with friends, walking to my nan's house through deep snow, sitting by the fire with my mum watching our favourite TV show - not a costume in sight!

After saying all that, life would be boring if we were all the same. Do what you want to do and have fun doing it!

nooka · 06/04/2013 07:08

I really don't get why on threads like this the 'jealousy' line always gets trotted out. Personally the idea of going to Disneyland has absolutely zero appeal for me, and the OP's planned 'reveal' feels very OTT and would make me squirm a bit.

I can also see where her friend might be coming from because this is the sort of thing that charities like Make a Wish do. On the other hand it was an unkind comment, especially if she knew why the OP might have a tendency to go over the top. But it does sound as if there might be a bit of a pattern, so I would suspect that the comment is probably more about that than this particular incident.

Personally I don't think that memories are things that can be artificially made, my strongest childhood memories are of fairly ordinary things that happened to me, in particular spontaneous events between me and my siblings. But perhaps the important memories being created here are more for the OP than her dd (nothing wrong with that).

Rosa · 06/04/2013 07:09

Last year the dds had an exclusive opportunity to meet a certain dancing mouse and her friend there were 3&6 - just them and they danced with them , the whole thing lasted about 10 minutes .dd now 4 still talks about it .
Also last year in tenerife dd1 was picked to do the dolphin show seeing as that 3 days before she had been on a drip in the local hospital it made it 10 times better.

They also have happy memories of simple things however if it makes them happy then you do it......

HollyBerryBush · 06/04/2013 07:11

I bit my tongue last nigh when this thread started, all I really thought was 'how are you going to top this next year?'.. It reminded me of those increasingly extravagant birthdays parties where each school gate mum tried to outdo the last party. Or proms where limos are so out of vogue but helicopters are in.