to argue with MIL about breastfeeding?

[avoidingarguments]

I have had two babies who I breastfed for 1 year each, I fed on demand. I am now pregnant with my 3rd. I mentioned to MIL I was dreading the initial 6 week period where the baby just wants to feed all the time, and she said my first two were very strange for wanting to do that, and this time hopefully I will have a normal baby who feeds every 4 hours. I should of just smiled and nodded, that is what I normally do in these situations, but I am 8 months pregnant and things like this get under my skin at the moment as I know what I am doing with my own children. My reply was that it is normal for breastfed babies to feed an awful lot in the first 6 weeks, and she said no it is not all other babies feed every 4 hours they should not be feeding all the time. I answered that the 4 hourly routine is outdated now and that the nhs say babies should be fed on demand. She got really angry and said the 4 hourly routine was invented because it worked and it worked for all her 5 children and she has bought up 5 children so she knows what she is doing and the nhs and midwives don't know anything. It actually got very heated and I know this time she will be round visiting telling my DH I am over feeding my children and babies only need 6 feeds a day (luckily my DH ignores her!). I know I am hormonal at the moment as I am 8 months gone but I wish I had just smiled and nodded at her and feel like I should not have caused an argument, I normally keep my views to myself but to be honest am sick of all her outdated advice. She will also be phoning me telling me to give the baby water or it will dehydrate I imagine as that is what she did with the last two, even phoning my DH at work on a very hot day before!! AIBU to have got involved in an argument, I should have just smiled and nodded and ignored shouldn't I?

I feel really bad tonight as I do not like arguments, and am now dreading all the comments at family events about my strange over feeding babies as all others in her family seem to do 4 hourly bottle feeds. She breastfed for a couple of weeks 4 hourly but said she was such a busy lady her milk was not good quality, I said that was because she fed 4 hourly and that just made the argument worse :( why oh why did I not just smile and nod :(

When did four hour feeds become outdated? Serious question because in 2011 a midwife told me to feed every four hours as did a nurse and Hv. After two weeks of screaming I fed more often and it turns out my baby was starving. It make me cry even now thinking of her being starved on the opinions of medical staff who said she was crying at stomachache of overfeeding!

I don't know exactly, but DS was born in 1987 and they were already outdated then. Even when 4 hourly feeding was the norm, 3 hourly feeding was recommended for very tiny babies. Even Doctor Spock in the 1960's, after a few pages of feeding routines, mentioned that some mothers fed on demand - and that was alright too.

BegoniaBampot I wish they were pulling my leg! They really do feed their 3 month olds chocolate, mr whippy icecream etc, I have seen it with my own eyes many times. One little boy in the family got told off for trying to give a 4 month old at a family birthday a walkers crisp, the mum said no he is only allowed skips, monster munch, wotsits or quavers they are the crisps that are suitable for babies.

You couldn't make it up. With all there great knowledge of babies, perhaps you could ask them what crisps were suitable before skips, monster munch, wotsits or quavers came on the market. But it isn't really funny; while cooled boiled water won't do a baby any harm, this is positively dangerous - all these snacks contain far too much salt to be given to a baby.

I don't think you were remotely unreasonable getting involved in an argument if she just goes on and on and won't be told. Your behaviour is normal - nothing to do with hormones. I would be more tempted to take her views at face value and question and question till she ties herself in knots - but that is just me.

If you want to read an interesting book about the history of childcare, try to get hold of Dream Babies: Childcare advice from John Locke to Gina Ford by Christina Hardyment. It might help you detach a bit.

It doesn't matter if your MIL is right or wrong about anything, it's your baby not hers so take no notice. Our job as MIL is to support our DIL to do it their way whatever our personal opinion is.
I'd like to write a book about MIL sayings, I think the most common one would be " you're surely not giving him/her more milk are you?"

I don't argue with people I disagree with when I know I'm right and have no intention of changing my mind. I firmly state my opinion and tell them I'm doing things my way and change the subject. It takes 2 to have an argument, if you refuse to discuss the subject then she'll just look like a loon ranting on her own.
I wouldn't let her go on about the boiled water again either
"I know they gave boiled water when your children were babies but they don't now so please don't mention it again to me as I'm not going to keep arguing with you and this isn't helping our relationship. You have to accept that I am breastfeeding and using the current guidelines"
It sounds as though you visit quite alot though, maybe cut back to once every few weeks as you don't seem to like each other.

I was a teenage mum, and bf my DD1 for 16mth and DD2 until she was 9mth. My family used to get all funny.with it. Its not as iff i was whipping my boob out and waving it in their faces, i had a cover etc. They used to moan that they wanted to feed baby (two babies with v. v. strong feelings against bottles, so expressing wasnt an option) that baby was too big my DDs were both above the 99th percentile and following their own lines, and hell i didnt think you could have too big a baby with a DH at 6ft 2 lol. i was bottlefed as was my mum so i think.it was a bit of a shock to them that i did, but i loved it still miss it 5yrs on

Prettyplease - good for you, you sound like a strong mum, know it's often harder for teenage mums to BF.

The desire of relatives to feed babies is a bit odd, it's not that interesting. It's a shame it doesn't last until the kids are weaning and toddlers and feeding turns into a palaver, they aren't all queuing up desperate to feed the child then!