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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ultra fashionable people come across as insecure?

33 replies

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:24

I do like quality clothes in good fabrics and take pride in my appearance to a certain extent, but as I get older (I'm now 33) I am more comfortable dressing down... I'm not sure if this is because we don't have much money, but as I get older I'm starting to see fashion as a bit lame tbh, and people my own age who follow it or who are obsessed with looking cool as pretentious... AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:26

Admittedly I've just been on facebook and seen pictures of old friends who are still childless and have lots of money and are ultra trendy/cool, feel a bit but also a bit "you're a bit pretentious"....

OP posts:

ParadiseChick · 04/04/2013 20:27

Sounds like you're the insecure one!

FreyaSnow · 04/04/2013 20:28

I don't actually know what is in fashion, so wouldn't recognise such a person to be able to judge them.

Original poster

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:30

Yes maybe I am

OP posts:

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 20:32

I agree with paradise it sounds more about your insecurities than theirs.

Goodadvice1980 · 04/04/2013 20:32

I enjoy my Karen Millen Black Membership, thank you very much

Hassled · 04/04/2013 20:32

I'd say the opposite is true - as you get older and your looks fade a bit, it's the easy option to throw in the towel and permanently dress down. Those women who manage to keep dressing well are the more confident ones. I'm not having a go - my instincts are to throw in the towel, and I have to fight against it.

McBalls · 04/04/2013 20:33

But it's a sort of a hobby, or an interest, isn't it?

I don't think it necessarily indicates insecurity or pretentiousness at all.

Original poster

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:34

I think I feel more confident about myself now than I ever have, and I'm happy now to go out in jeans and a baggy jumpy & parka as it's so comfy.

OP posts:

Original poster

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:36

I guess what I mean is I don't really care what other people think as much as I used to. I used to want to look fashionable and cool but now it doesn't bother me as much.

OP posts:

monkeysbignuts · 04/04/2013 20:37

I have friends who dress head to toe in "super dry" all the time. I am starting to wonder if they own any other clothing? ?
I think it's a bit weird

aurynne · 04/04/2013 20:39

So let me see if I get this right... up to the point where you were happy being "fashion-conscious", it was hip and cool and you were just "taking care of yourself". From the moment YOU decided you couldn't be bothered any more, then people who cared about fashion suddenly became insecure and lame.

What I believe is that you are quite a self-absorbed woman. You probably felt superior looking at fashionable-you in the mirror some years ago, and now that you think it is too much to be bothered you probably feel not so attractive any more, so you are now jealous of other people who look fashionable and gorgeous. But nothing has changed for the world, OP. The only one who seem to have changed her mind on a whim to suit your own interests is you.

I recommend you to stop judging other people and have a good look at yourself. What you suddenly decide to do does not change everyone else, it changes you only.

Zilvernblue · 04/04/2013 20:43

It wouldn't occur to me to think about people like that. In the unlikely event I look at their clothes, its to admire particular items I like. Its only human nature to want to wear something that makes you look good.

poocatcherchampion · 04/04/2013 20:45

I know what you mean op. I feel the same. Maybe lazy, maybe comfortable in my own skin.

Theicingontop · 04/04/2013 20:46

I'm 23, and think 'fashion these days' is fucking ridiculous. I feel like an old lady when I think it to myself, but seriously. I look at what some people are wearing and am actually shocked. Never been so happy to not fit into what is fashionable. I'd look like an absolute muppet.

Original poster

PancakeFace · 04/04/2013 20:50

I don't feel the need to try to fit in through the way I look anymore. I used to not so long ago, but it was pretty much down to insecurity and wanting other people to think I looked good rather than just feeling comfortable & confident it whatever.

OP posts:

MissBetseyTrotwood · 04/04/2013 20:58

Depends what you mean by 'fashionable'. We have some fashionable friends that are that because of the jobs they do and the talent they have and couldn't give a stuff what people think of them. For some, being on trend is a hobby like any other and something they derive genuine enjoyment and stimulation from. Others do hide behind their image.

Your values have changed, that's all. I assume you place other things above image now; doesn't mean to say those others are insecure.

At 36, I take more care in my appearance than ever before. I've the most money I've ever had and I'm aware that I just can't look good in any old thing anymore. As I age, I have the confidence to wear what suits me, as opposed to what I think I should wear iykwim.

ithaka · 04/04/2013 20:59

I think women who hit 30 & start wearing mum jeans and baggy clothes are a bit of a cliche. I still have the figure to wear fashionable clothes so I do - and so does my mum, who is in her 70s.

There is no age limit on style.

Willowisp · 04/04/2013 21:20

I don't think it's insecurity at all. I think fashion is ridiculous & having had a look around the shops at the weekend, 'designers' must be having a f*cking laugh. Cheap old tat, badly made, horrible fabric, the 'must have bag', the 'shoe' of the season. what a joke.

The reality of all this cheap & not so cheap (but cheap to produce) fashion is sweatshops/corruption/pollution. Nice.

Most people look ridiculous...I've never seen so fat bodies squeezed into 'fashionable clothing' & if I ever see another kid/tween/teen/granny wear a pair of filthy, saggy Uggs (real or fake) it'll be too soon.

Blah...pancake I agree with what you're saying & it's your friends who are self obsessed...

CloudsAndTrees · 04/04/2013 21:27

I tend to think that people who put much time and effort into analysing other people over the way they dress or spend their time are insecure.

Secure, happy, confident people don't give other people's dress sense a second thought.

I don't see people who make an effort with their appearance as pretentious at all.

SnowHOHOboarder · 04/04/2013 21:28

Depends what you mean by 'fashion' really. I have 2 under 2 and it takes a lot of effort to try and look & feel good about myself. It would be much easier to dispense with the makeup and nice clothes and live in trackies but I know I'd feel a bit crappy about myself if I did. I'm not sure it's insecurity per se it's more about wanting to preserve my self esteem.

Sometimes when I'm knackered, the kids are poorly & I've 101 things to do putting on a bit of slap and some nice clothes helps me feel good. My friends say I look great for someone in my situation but I think the clothes etc help me fake having everything under control.

SnowHOHOboarder · 04/04/2013 21:30

Btw I wouldn't class myself as 'ultra fashionable' or particularly well put together or anything but I hope I look like I'm making an effort with myself most of the time except today when my toddler is poorly and I'm wearing my husbands jumper and pj bottoms

HollaAtMeBaby · 04/04/2013 22:03

YABU - I don't think fashiony types seem insecure and if they enjoy their hobby, good on them. I used to be like that! I am bewildered by how much time, money and energy people are prepared to invest in the simple act of dressing though. I can't remember why it ever mattered so much to me. I still like to look naice and make an effort to be well-groomed and smart but I used to do things like get a whole new wardrobe every 6 months and that seems like total INSANIA now.

jinsymaw · 04/04/2013 22:10

I agree with you pancake. I think some of us are just quite happy and content to wear jeans and feel comfortable. It's not practical to wear heels and nice gear when you' ve dogs to walk etc. I do however always put a bit of slap on in the morning as I would frighten children otherwise. I suppose each to their own. One huge thing I have come to terms with is that I'm hitting 40 soon and feel a bit invisible. You know that way when once you may have caught someone shooting you an admiring glance, but now, nada. Think I'm now contradicting myself now. Bugger.

FatherHankTree · 04/04/2013 22:13

OP, I'd think YABU, but I know someone like this, who seems to rate herself on whether she's wearing the latest fashion, rather than how pleasant a person she is.

For most people - in other words, my opinion - looking good (enough) is all you need. I have friends who are very fashionable and friends who don't give a shit, and it's generally more a matter of personal preference.

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