Online dating - 'No brats in tow please' from a mid-40s male. Seriously??

[Mendi]

The following from the Match.com page of a slightly pudgy, looks 45-years old plus loser '42 year old' 'commodities trader':

'I'm looking for fun/ friendship/relationship, but am looking for an independent woman who can do 50:50, especially financially. No freeloaders please. No 'worn the t-shirt' types (but who've still failed to learn from mistakes & blame everyone else, but themselves). No 'free dinner/drink ticket' types. No 'baggage/brats in tow' types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with? Get a reality check, pleaze). And no 'cheap easy trashy commodity' types. I could go on, and lament sometimes. Just someone who is honest and down to earth, but has moderate style, finesse and poise (plus can pay her own way in life, or did I already say that. Lol). Simple basics can go a long way. '

I have only dipped my toe in the water of OD and already realised it;s not for me. All blokes who expect your knickers to drop off at the mere prospect of hooking up with him, or like this guy, sort of 'don't bother me if you have ANY baggage at all' even though at my age I must surely reasonably expect that any woman of appropriate age will have at least a failed relationship or a kid or two.

'No baggage/brats in tow types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with?...'

What a charmer.

I went out with a 'pay your own way', 50/50 guy. Once. He was a twat there was a reason he was single.

I would much prefer a 50/50 'pay your own way' kind of guy expat! I can't stand it when guys assume or feel they should pay all the time.

My x is a misogynist who believes all women are freeloaders. He bullied me into giving up my job so that he could hate me for wanting him for a meal ticket (i was an unpaid servant/childcarer 24/7 so if I'd wanted an easy life I would have gone back down the mine, ykwim).

Anyway, the irony is with these men that they often end up doing very well out of women because whatever poor soul goes on a date with this man she'll be anxious to prove that she's not a freeloader like all these other mean women who 've used him.

I think it very much depends how the 50:50 thing is presented. If it's a matter of them getting the calculator out if you go for a meal, run a mile. If it's more a 'you pay for this one and I'll pay next time' then that can be fair enough, if there is going to be a next time.

Sanct, I think I said upthread that if a bloke says he wants to be 50:50 it will usually end up more 90:10 in reality.

I know it's oldfashioned, but the last guy I went out with, he willingly have paid for everything (although knowing i'd paid for babysitters though). I did buy drinks and the occasional meal. Well, I'd say i paid about 15% of the time, and he would always thank me. Even though he paid most of the time! he didn't make a big deal of it. He was generous. He way of not making it an issue was attractive too. He was clearly a generous person who didn't mind being generous to people he valused and wanted in his life. I do think it's all connected now. Mean with money. Mean full stop.

Well, at least it's an honest, upfront advert and anyone who goes on a date will know exactly what they are getting.
Their choice whether to laugh or get in contact.

90:10 the woman stumping up to prove she's not a freeloader??!!

with my x that i lived with, I got caught up in that game for a while. Trying to prove to him that not all women were x,y or z. God. I felt like I had to be an Ambassador for women to prove all his prejudices wrong. He played me like a fiddle. I was paying his council tax, and for groceries. My name not on the mortgage. One lives and learns.

I went out with another 'earn your crust' type of guy. He wanted me to work illegally and have wages paid into his account. Haahaa. He was all about women 'earning a crust' and doing all the work in the home. No kids, of course. He went to kerb quickly, too.

I agree with not identifying the catch of the year. However his own remarks do ask for a good vilifying. Vilify them but not the bloke

Sanct. What was happening at the dating agency (and this is a very well known one - two of my friends met their DH's there) is that they couldnt offer 40+ women the dates they were looking for. There were just too many 40+ women and not enough men wanting to meet them.

Whether you think that is right or wrong is by the by. Two colleagues at work have divorced and are now with women half their age and I work in a really boring industry!

depressing handcream.

yeah expat, those types never recognise the work a woman OUGHT to do like breathing at home as 'work'

I am not sure it is Sanct tbh. Very attractive people or rich people have huge advantages in life when trying to find a partner or dates.

Whether they end up being happier in the end is another question.

My friend is very attractive at 40 so the agency took her. Some would say it wasnt fair that they didnt take all the women at 40+.

TBH - I would say they acted professionally, it would be far easier to have taken her money.

oh i understand it. it's jyst depressing because i had thought that maybe a people -run agency that conducted interviews was the way to go.... clearly not.

not ALL men in their 40s and beyond belueve they could pull a much younger woman. some (?!) would have the self awareness to realuse they are fi.ding it challenging full stop.

Some agencies don't take men below a certain height, because experience has shown it is very hard to find them dates.

I'm sure the bloke is now in a happy and mutually satisfying relationship... with his wrist.

Wow! He sounds a real catch. Where do I sign up?

Don't be too disheartened OP my cousin is an air hostess and due to her hours finds it hard to meet men she started OD when she was 27 met a lovely bloke they've since bought a house together and are now engaged and its been their 5 yr anniversary

I believe air hostesses are one of the top occupations that men want to meet! Did anyone see the Sex and the City eposide where Miranda went speed dating and said she was a lawyer. The men were clearly not interested until she changed her job to flight attendant!

At least he's brutally honest. If he said "prefer no children", some women might think it was a loose preference, and he might be willing to compromise. And so on.

I'm damn sure he's not a commodities trader though...

Sorry I dont think the word honesty covers such a revolting set of criteria for a date. The bloke sounds like an utter turd

Now now, selfish people should be allowed to seek love & nookie, too. At least we can rest assured they've no intention of breeding.

My boss met her DH online and he's just lovely. She did have to run the danger of local parents seeing her profile and contacting her ( teacher)

Oh dear handcream. I am a lawyer.