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AIBU?

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Original poster

Online dating - 'No brats in tow please' from a mid-40s male. Seriously??

178 replies

Mendi · 04/04/2013 20:02

The following from the Match.com page of a slightly pudgy, looks 45-years old plus loser '42 year old' 'commodities trader':

'I'm looking for fun/ friendship/relationship, but am looking for an independent woman who can do 50:50, especially financially. No freeloaders please. No 'worn the t-shirt' types (but who've still failed to learn from mistakes & blame everyone else, but themselves). No 'free dinner/drink ticket' types. No 'baggage/brats in tow' types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with? Get a reality check, pleaze). And no 'cheap easy trashy commodity' types. I could go on, and lament sometimes. Just someone who is honest and down to earth, but has moderate style, finesse and poise (plus can pay her own way in life, or did I already say that. Lol). Simple basics can go a long way. '

I have only dipped my toe in the water of OD and already realised it;s not for me. All blokes who expect your knickers to drop off at the mere prospect of hooking up with him, or like this guy, sort of 'don't bother me if you have ANY baggage at all' even though at my age I must surely reasonably expect that any woman of appropriate age will have at least a failed relationship or a kid or two.

'No baggage/brats in tow types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with?...'

What a charmer.

OP posts:
WildlingPrincess · 04/04/2013 20:17

He'll soon get snapped up Grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/04/2013 20:18

He sounds like a cock.

Sadly I would bet he will get quite a few replies.

CheCazzo · 04/04/2013 20:18

Commodities trader? Grin

Orange juice is a commodity. Bacon is a commodity. He's a shopkeeper and can't afford to buy you a drink!

MadameOvary · 04/04/2013 20:19

Translation: I am a selfish manchild who doesn't want to spend my money on anyone except myself and possibly some sexy underwear for my burd.
Wot a catch!

catsmother · 04/04/2013 20:19

That comes across as horribly arrogant, very rude and crass but at least it saves women from wasting their time with him.

However, I'm not sure it isn't worse to start dating someone who seems nice and normal, who claimed to be open minded to the idea of a woman with children, who draws you in emotionally - and into bed - and who then, a few weeks/months later drops you like a hot potato "because" he "can't cope" with the notion of you having had "another man's kids" - as if it was something I revealed as a surprise down the line. Which happened to me in the past - more than once.

Pigsmummy · 04/04/2013 20:19

Keep looking, there are some nice ones, I have a friend who met her husband and had a baby with an online date, she was 42 when they met. Eharmony is meant to be ok. This guy will be single for a long time or changing his profile soon. Get a close friend to check out your profile for you to make sure that you are attracting the right sorts and stay safe when meeting up in RL.

MadameOvary · 04/04/2013 20:20

Hecsy that's genius - OP please respond in kind using this post!

PumpkinPositive · 04/04/2013 20:22

What age range is he seeking?

MadameOvary · 04/04/2013 20:24

I met my DP on MatchAffinity btw - am constantly amazed that I met such a normal bloke online. Six months on and his murky past/weirdness/unappealing kinks have yet to materialise unlike all the other nutjobs I have had the misfortune to be in a relationship with Grin

Gossipmonster · 04/04/2013 20:28

I met my OH online 3 1/2 yrs ago.

Really though is it fair to try to publicly humiliate this guy?

He may not be your cup of tea but he's not hurting anyone - he's just trying to go on a date.

How would any of us feel if our profile was posted on a chat forum and ridiculed?

LemonPeculiarJones · 04/04/2013 20:29

Words fail me. What a repellant little tick of a man.

manicinsomniac · 04/04/2013 20:35

I think his profile is absolutely fine and it's very unfair to ridicule him for it.

He wants to attract a certain type of person, what would be the point in writing things to attract someone he isn't interested in. he's being honest, upfront and direct - probably the best way to get a desirable response.

Obviously he wouldn't be for any of us because we have kids but there are lots of people who haven't and don't want any.

VelvetSpoon · 04/04/2013 20:36

Catsmother I completely agree!

The majority of men who do OD are bullshitters, fantasists, narcissists, commitment-phobes, or a combination of all of the above with massive chips on their shoulders. I say this as a veteran of many years of online dating, during which I have met precisely 2 normal, well adjusted men. I'd far rather the knobbers say stuff like this in their profiles...saves us wasting any time on them!

MintyyAeroEgg · 04/04/2013 20:40

Gossipmonster - he is a misogynistic twat who completely deserves to be ridiculed and ripped to shreds!

Ridersofthestorm · 04/04/2013 20:40

Hmmm something tells me this little charmer is going to be single for some time. He sounds a treat, sorry I mean DICKHEAD!

Gossipmonster · 04/04/2013 20:43

You've met him have you MintyAeroEgg?

You know his history?

What led him to post?

SamuelWestsMistress · 04/04/2013 20:44

Well it's obvious why he's remained single into his 40s! Gads. What a toad.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/04/2013 20:44

Nah manic - it's not the upfront, don't want kids nature that makes him unsuitable

It's the fact he's a charmless, miserly, mean spirited, superficial cunt that's the problem Wink

nokidshere · 04/04/2013 20:45

I can't see what the problem is myself. He obviously will only attract like minded people and presumably that's his aim.

If someone wants to,date him then she probably deserves him!

MintyyAeroEgg · 04/04/2013 20:46

This is surreal Gossipmonster - no of course I haven't met him.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/04/2013 20:46

I think what's really notable about him is that instead of listing his positive qualities that would make him desirable as a mate he instead lists all the qualities he doesn't want women to have.

Über-cuntishness personified.

BinksToEnlightenment · 04/04/2013 20:46

Well at least he is honest. Shame he's only got being a spaff stain to be honest about.

Sailormercury · 04/04/2013 20:47

He is truly a prince among men Grin

Gossipmonster · 04/04/2013 20:50

Well how can you possibly judge him then? On a paragraph (I am guessing I haven't looked) on a dating site and think he deserved to be "ripped to shreds" Hmm.

He can't defend himself can he? Because he doesn't know what ridicule he is being held up for.

aurynne · 04/04/2013 20:56

I can't see the point of ridiculing men who show themselves exactly as they are. This can only force these guys to hide behind lovely profiles, for the unsuspecting women just o find after a number of awful dates.

I agree that this guy's profile distils negativity, and even I, who never wanted kids and was using OD for a while, and in theory would have ticked all the boxes for this man, would not have contacted him, because his profile comes up as incredibly negative and he is not offering even a glimpse of the kind of things he DOES like (if any).

However, I would be grateful if all men in OD sites were as straight-forward and blunt as this one. Do you realise just how much easier the job would be if men (and women) were honest about themselves like this?