Online dating - 'No brats in tow please' from a mid-40s male. Seriously??

[Mendi]

The following from the Match.com page of a slightly pudgy, looks 45-years old plus loser '42 year old' 'commodities trader':

'I'm looking for fun/ friendship/relationship, but am looking for an independent woman who can do 50:50, especially financially. No freeloaders please. No 'worn the t-shirt' types (but who've still failed to learn from mistakes & blame everyone else, but themselves). No 'free dinner/drink ticket' types. No 'baggage/brats in tow' types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with? Get a reality check, pleaze). And no 'cheap easy trashy commodity' types. I could go on, and lament sometimes. Just someone who is honest and down to earth, but has moderate style, finesse and poise (plus can pay her own way in life, or did I already say that. Lol). Simple basics can go a long way. '

I have only dipped my toe in the water of OD and already realised it;s not for me. All blokes who expect your knickers to drop off at the mere prospect of hooking up with him, or like this guy, sort of 'don't bother me if you have ANY baggage at all' even though at my age I must surely reasonably expect that any woman of appropriate age will have at least a failed relationship or a kid or two.

'No baggage/brats in tow types (do you really think a man wants someone else's mistakes or left overs to bother with?...'

What a charmer.

its not 'it's [blasted predictive text]

I once received this from someone who emailed me on an online dating website and I hadn't responded. I'm not sure what the etiquette is but I have always assumed that it wasn't necessary to respond to people you didn't want to meet.

'As I've not heard from you, I'm guessing you've read my email and I haven't caught your eye - that's fine if it is the case and I suppose you could be very busy and not gotten around to replying, but I guess I'm just a little bummed that you've not said something either way.

As someone who obviously isn't blessed with the dashing good looks of someone who acts on Hollyoaks, I'm kinda used to having my messages read and ignored on here. However, when I take a good period of my own time to write you a message that does try to reach out to you, show how we are looking for the the same thing and is not entirely composed in txt speak that is then not even replied to to with a couple of polite sentences to inform your disinterest, it kinda gets to you. You genuinely sound like a lovely girl - I only write my messages to girls who sound like yourself, because I think we sound like there could be something there. It makes me a very sad little panda when I get nothing back - a polite no is better than that.

Anyways, if you haven't deleted this after reading half of this, I'll leave you with this : #t=91s . I try hard to make well-composed messages to genuinely nice-sounding girls on here like yourself, but you probably get a whole bunch of messages every day from blokes like myself. Take a couple of minutes every day to reply to the ones you don't like that at least try to make an effort, that's all.

I apologise for the rant, but this seems to happen a lot to me at least and I thought you might be different - I really felt like I was the kind of guy you are looking for'.

Mistakes or leftovers. That's horrific.

teacher that genuinely makes me feels sad though - although not right for you, that guy was clearly really keen for some company and had invested something into contacting you however needy he sounded.

I think I would have just sent a couple of lines saying something like 'I don't think we're looking for the same thing but I wish you well in your search.'

It is a difficult one - I messaged people and didn't get a reply and was actually relieved to have no reply than a 'thanks but no thanks'. I'm not sure what the correct way is.

He was very odd, I actually know of two people who went on a date with him - he targeted teachers in a very small radius.

he's a wanker, metaphoricallyand litera lly ...hmmm, wonder why he's still single?!

Wow what a prick, hes such a prick, i'd give him a virtual earful for referring to peoples kids as "Mistakes" or "left-overs" by informing him of this:

"No woman wants the sloppy seconds of a woman whos seen the light"

Mendi Again to reiterate I am not saying this blokes profile was anything but odd to me however:
Ok then point taken re the racism element (though Radio 4 Today programme today reported that Manchester police is extending it's definition of hate crimes to those including crimes against cultural groups such as emos and punks - query whether this is any different to an offensive statement against a person for having children). Yes I would query this - do you seriously think that a hate crime is the same as someone disliking children? That definition was made because a young girl died. Do not try and make them the same thing. I am sure that family would have preferred the people involved in that situation to have gone online instead and said 'seriously don't bother me if your an emo'.

If someone doesn't fancy my saggy tits well more fool them. Again, why find it offensive - just ignore, or find it offensive - and then ignore, that person can have as many unrealistic ambitions of what kind of woman would date him as he wants.

This is a particularly mean spirited thread. I'm pretty sure we could go online and find any number of profiles for both men and women who come across as less than appealing. But there's also lots of stories of people who have found lovely partners through online dating.

So this guy is a dickhead, ignore him and move on to the next profile.

I disagree that this is a mean spirited thread.

OP is sharing with us an unusual experience she has had today. She read something unquestionably misogynistic online and wanted to discuss it with other people.

Why is it "mean spirited"? We don't know this individual. Are we not allowed to say we dislike the way some people come across any more?

Does Mumsnet really have to become that bland? For fear of offending someone who has already said he doesn't consider the vast majority of us worthy of his company?

Really??

Bland?

REALLY?! We post anonymously FFS?

This guy will have a photo - and a profile offering personal messages which he will not have bargained on getting msges from "outraged" on here from.

Re the wife changing it,

I've checked and its defo not one of my master pieces

Gossipmonster I think you're completely missing the point. Yes, this person has a photo on his profile, and an anonymous username.

If anyone, including MNers, posts a photo on an online forum together with a public statement of views highly likely to be found offensive by many people, then they absolutely should expect some messages saying so.

Although, as I have made clear, I have not contacted him and not haveI encouraged others to do so. I am posting about having seen this on MN as a way of discussing with others likely to share my views, rather than engage with the individual himself, which would obviously be a pointless exercise.

If you hold yourself out as holding offensive views, you can expect to be held to account for them.

On reflection I don't think Gossip is completely missing the point actually - he does have a right to make himself sound like a twat, it's true. But free speech cuts both ways.

Teacher that one would have slightly freaked me out. That's not "needy", that reads more like sort of submissive controlling, if there is such a thing. "A very sad little panda" indeed.

I think it is quite useful- you know not to touch with a barge pole and don't waste time meeting.
The alarm bells ring with that one, teacherandguideleader, best not to respond at all.

Well besides "No baggage/brats in tow" types he very clearly identifies a pretty large cohort of the Internet Dating population that MOST men would avoid.

At least he is being honest! I have a friend who joined a dating agency at 40. She is very pretty so the agency took her. They just had too many 40+ women on their books and men of 40+ wanted to meet younger women.

Is that fair - not really but it is reality. What does a 25 year old for example have in common with a 45 year old. I dont know really but this is how it is.

And a lot of people dont want to take on other people's children. Again i think that is reality. You might not like it or want to meet someone like but again its life. And why do people want to see a picture of him? What has that got to do with anything....

a commodities trader who eats in Wetherspoons? Ha ha! no chance.

Re the racist comment analogy, I don't know what a site would do if such a comment lots of dating sites ask you to tick boxes for which ethnicities you would like to date. Someone would be perfectly free to only tick the white box or the black box etc. I'm not even sure that wold be racist, just the some people are attracted to a 'type'. Is that really so different from writing in words that you'd like to date only a certain colour?

I know a woman who wrote on her dating profile 'If you can't spell or use decent grammar please don't bother to respond, I don't date ignorant men.' She's now married to a guy she met on there who found it hilarious and has similar peeves. When she told me what she'd done I was quite shocked and thought it was rude but, secretly, I think I'd struggle to be with someone who didn't speak correctly and therefore perhaps it was a good thing she had the guts to say so!

I am sure he will get a few positive replies to be honest. Maybe from women with no children themselves.

After what he has said he is looking for what single mother would want to meet him! But I do still think he has been clear what he is looking for...

... sorry, first sentence should read "I don't know what a site would do is such a comment were made but lots of dating sites ...

not sure where those words went!

Yes. I think he's OBVIOUSLY a total arsehole, but at least his profile reflects who he is and what he's really after. From what I read, it's a shame that more don't.

Can anybody help me think of a screen name for a dating site that conveys that I'm independent, not about to provide free sexual services. Regalitarian came in to my head. Not sure though. It's not hitting the right note.

handcream, so it's the women who get sent away from that agency. Can they not deliver harsh truths to the men. Listen, 25 year olds don't want 45 years olds unless he has movie star good looks and charisma to spare

SantciMOMious, what about 'GetYourHandOffMyLeg'? Or is that too long for a screen name?

It's been a long while since I looked into Plenty of Fish but I remember being shocked as to how many racist profiles were on there, arguably the strangest were the one's who not date anyone within their own race, but i digress, sorry.