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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the age of consent should be raised to 18?

28 replies

Kendodd · 02/04/2013 22:15

Well... maybe it should be 13 provided the other partner is no more than say... 3 years older. And then 16 provided the partner is no more that 5 or 6 years older? I have no problem (or very little) with teenagers having sex with other teenagers.

It really doesn't sit well with me that it's perfectly legal for a 50 year old to have sex with a 16 year old who's still at school (or not) though. I remember the Sun used to have Sam Fox on page three just after her 16th birthday, yuk! And they had a count down to Charlotte Church's 16th birthday.

OP posts:
Gossipmonster · 02/04/2013 22:29

So what good would raising the age be then? An 18 yr old sleeping with a 52 yr old? Confused

squeakytoy · 02/04/2013 22:34

And you think that raising the age of consent would stop the course of nature?

You can put an age limit on it, but you cant change how an individual feels within themselves.. many people aged 14 and 15 are having sex, because they WANT to..

Remotecontrolduck · 02/04/2013 22:34

I get what you mean but if a 16 year old was sleeping with a 52 year old, I would bet my house that the 16 year old was vulnerable and immature, and the 52 year old taking advantage and abusing them

I don't think raising the age of consent to 18 would make 52 year old pervert change their mind and not have sex with the 16 year old after all.

You have a point though, I just don't think changing the law will help much.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/04/2013 22:38

It's difficult to legislate for, because you have to allow people, including teenagers, bodily autonomy. A person can be in an abusive, coercive relationship if s/he is 18 and the other partner is 17, after all.

Really the answer is good quality sex education which emphasises that sex shouls be enjoyable for all participants, and if someone's not enjoying it and obviously enjoying it by participating enthusiastically, something's wrong.

MrsDeVere · 02/04/2013 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanctiMOMious · 02/04/2013 22:43

Well. Not really, but I think there should be something about the age gap put in to the law. I would be more 'ok' with two 14 year olds experimenting together if it was what they both wanted, than with a 16 year old and a 21 year old. ykwim?

SanctiMOMious · 02/04/2013 22:45

ps, so, we agree! Totally agree with you.

floatyjosmum · 02/04/2013 22:47

The rules about consent are more complicated following the bichard enquiry.

Under 13's can't consent. The 14/15 year olds they look at age diff, powe, coersion, grooming etc. and for a professional ie teacher or social worker the age is 18 as that is when they are classed as an adult - just imagine half the 6th form going off with their younger teachers!!

Original poster
Kendodd · 02/04/2013 22:59

I get what you mean but if a 16 year old was sleeping with a 52 year old, I would bet my house that the 16 year old was vulnerable and immature, and the 52 year old taking advantage and abusing them

But at least then the 52 year old could be prosecuted, unlike now.

OP posts:
Remotecontrolduck · 02/04/2013 23:03

They could be, but I still don't think raising the age is going to help much. I reckon those determined to abuse young girls would find a way to do it. Even if they begin the abuse at age 18. It's still not ok then either.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/04/2013 23:03

Yabu.

MySpecialistSubjectIsMN · 02/04/2013 23:05

Agree with MrsDeVere (as usual) btw Tennant is still mine missy Wink

Original poster
Kendodd · 02/04/2013 23:08

I think we should concentrate on protecting vulnerable people and prosecuting those who prey on them.

Yes but how do we prosecute them if they are not breaking the law? 52 year old and 16 year old example.

OP posts:
SundaeGirl · 02/04/2013 23:10

YABU. Two 16yos should be allowed to shag. We should be expecting them to make good decisions and have respect for themselves not criminalising them.

Your concern about vulnerable young people being taken advantage of is valid but true of a vulnerable 25yo and 50yo.

MySpecialistSubjectIsMN · 02/04/2013 23:10

If we protect the vulnerable 16yo's they won't be having sex with the 35 year old men in the first place.

Raising the age won't make these young people less vulnerable. Taking appropriate action will, and would hopefully have more of an impact.

50BalesOfHay · 02/04/2013 23:11

My 13 year old gd is pregnant by an 18 year old who has been grooming her since she was 12. I hope he goes to prison for a very long time. Would this situation be ok with you, op? She's a child. [angry[

Remotecontrolduck · 02/04/2013 23:13

A vulnerable 16 year old who would enter a realtionship with a 50 year old, is still almost certainly going to still be vulnerable at 18. Or 20. Or 25. What can you do, make the age of consent 30? Confused

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/04/2013 23:16

50Bales that's shocking.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 02/04/2013 23:19

There is no way on earth I could look at a 16 year old boy in a sexual way, it just doesn't trigger those emotions in me.

When my young niece raves about One Direction I just laugh because to me they are children. It would feel wrong to be sexually attracted to them!

WestieMamma · 02/04/2013 23:23

My mum was 16 when she married my dad. He was 36. They've been happily married and devoted to each other for 45 years.

Thewhingingdefective · 02/04/2013 23:25

My husband is 15 years older than me. We met (and began a sexual relationship 20 years ago) when I was 16 and he, 31, so I think YABU.

Remotecontrolduck · 02/04/2013 23:28

And also like the two posters above, IN SOME CASES, age gap relationships do work. Let's not criminalise everyone for the actions of a few low lifes.

Lilipaddle · 02/04/2013 23:30

I definitely think it should be 18. At 16 a lot of girls are still quite naive and see the attention from older men as so flattering they just go alone with it. Obviously some 16 year olds are mature, but the majority, myself included, change a lot between 16 and 18.

At 16 I was sleeping with a 27 year old, thinking I was so grown up and that he loved me. We were talking about my GCSE results FGS. It's disgusting when I look back, to think it wasn't even illegal.
Making the age of consent 18 would deter a lot of older men, not all but a lot, and protect a lot of girls while they are still in that in between stage of teenager-adult.

If it is 18 to drink alcohol, then why on earth is sex 16. I would rather my DD drinking when she is older than sleeping with grown men.

50BalesOfHay · 02/04/2013 23:35

HoHoHoNoYouDontit is shocking that anyone would have sex with a child. Hence my anger. The op suggests that a 13 year old and a 16year old may be ok. I think there's a world of difference between 13 and 16

McNewPants2013 · 02/04/2013 23:36

I do like the USA Romeo and Juliet law. From the basic I have read about it.