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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my partner unreasonable? Or am I just an annoying backseat driver?

107 replies

SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 22:51

My partner drove me and a friend out for dinner (so we would be able to have a glass of wine with dinner)

We were driving on a long stretch of road where there are fairly recent (less than a year) speed cameras.

I could see that he was driving at 56 and the limit is 50. So I quickly said slow down because there are speed cameras. He snapped back that yes he knew, I then said the speed is 50 and he again snapped back with - yes I know and that's just the average speed anyway so stop being an annoying backseat driver.

There was an awkward silence. Think my friend felt uncomfortable.

I tend not to ever comment if someone else is driving as it can be annoying, but felt I should say something as I wouldn't want him to get points or a fine.

OP posts:
humblebumble · 01/04/2013 22:55

You were an annoying backseat driver. Your poor DP must have felt felt really embarrassed.

YABU

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 01/04/2013 22:55

No, he WBU. And a bit of an arse, for speeding in the first place.

McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 22:55

I used to do that with DH, but now I don't care if he speed because it is his licence and he will get the points and the fine. Any increase in insurance would mean he will not have one of his luxcuries to cover the cost.

purplewithred · 01/04/2013 22:55

Sorry, but you were being very annoying indeed, especially hammering the point home twice. He's a grownup and it's his risk.

If my dh did this to me I would be fantasising painful and humiliating punishments for him for the rest of the evening.

Is this a reverse?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/04/2013 22:55

Well if he's the driver then it's his responsabilty at the end of the day.
If he gets a speeding ticket he can't turn to his passengers and say "You didn't tell me it was a 50 mph zone"

(My 13 yo DS does this: "What speed are you doing Mother. 35? In a 30?)

I tell him there's a 10% variance in speedometers.

Numberlock · 01/04/2013 22:57

I would imagine it will be the last time he drives so you can have a drink.

(it's a reverse though isn't it)

HollyBerryBush · 01/04/2013 22:59

Inappropriately rude I'm afraid. You belittled him in front of your friend and assumed he wasn't able to read speed signs. everyone knows to slam on the breaks when the white lines are approaching

snuffaluffagus · 01/04/2013 23:03

He overreacted. I would have thought it's fairly common practice to remind someone there's cameras about.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/04/2013 23:07

What hollyberrybush

plus another

can't imagine that he will offer to drive you and a friend so that you can drink

Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:08

But he was already on that exact road approaching the camera, so I assumed he didn't know, and then he didn't lower his speed so I assumed he thought it was a 60.

I can't believe that people would stay quiet if the person they were in the car with was approaching a speed camera and were going the limit?

And no this isn't a reverse aibu Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:09

*going over the limit.

OP posts:
MidnightMasquerader · 01/04/2013 23:10

Wow, can't imagine keeping that much of a beady eye on the speedometer while DH is driving. Do people actually do this?! [buhmm]

He's driving, it was 6 - 6...! - miles over the limit, it's his licence it affects and his wallet the fine comes out of.

tigerdriverII · 01/04/2013 23:10

YABU. He will know that the speedo in his car reads at least 10% over his actual speed, so he was doing about 50 anyway and that there is a bit of tolerance built in to speed cameras. So you were just slowing up the journey home, having been kindly driven back so you could have a drink. I think you should drive next time so you can do it perfectly.

Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:10

can't imagine that he will offer to drive you and a friend so that you can drink

Probably not.

But he did kick me out of the car and then when I walked home he'd locked me out and set fire to all my clothes.

So I guess we're even now.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 01/04/2013 23:12

Have you apologised OP?

McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 23:13

I don't even warn other drivers if there is a mobile speed camera.

It's the drivers responsibility to ensure they do the speed limit

Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:14

Wow, can't imagine keeping that much of a beady eye on the speedometer while DH is driving. Do people actually do this?!

No of course I don't - but you know when someone is driving fast and I assumed he didn't know. It's a very open road and non-residential so most people would assume it was 60.

He travels a lot for his job so it would be bad if he got points.

I wasn't doing it to be annoying or to belittle him. I genuinely thought he didn't know.

OP posts:
TheDetective · 01/04/2013 23:14

YANBU. I would tell my DP too.

He's a new driver, with already astronomical insurance. It's all well saying it is his licence blah blah, but it would directly impact on me.

So I'd tell him. And I'd expect anyone to tell me. Even if I knew. And was irritated. I'd rather that than any more points on my licence.

jinxdragon · 01/04/2013 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:15

And I got a ticket for driving just 2 miles over the speed limit before.

OP posts:
BreconBeBuggered · 01/04/2013 23:16

I'd have said something along the lines of 'Watch out for the speed cameras', and I'd expect my DH to do the same if I was driving, as we don't have spare cash to piss away on fines. No other form of comment on driving is acceptable, however, from either party.

Original poster
SongoftheSiren · 01/04/2013 23:16

I don't even warn other drivers if there is a mobile speed camera

Why not? I'm genuinely curious ...

It doesn't have to be said in a patronising way, but just a "watch out because theres a speed camera just ahead"

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 01/04/2013 23:17

But he did kick me out of the car and then when I walked home he'd locked me out and set fire to all my clothes.

I think your relationship has alot more problems if this thread is real and he did do this.

Iaintdunnuffink · 01/04/2013 23:18

I've reminded my husband about speed limits before and he's done the same to me, I've been caught for doing 33 in a 30 limit before. If I'm a passenger in a car I have every right to tell someone if they're potentially driving dangerously. Today I was about to open my mouth that we were in a 30 zone and he was doing 40 but I saw the cameras go and informed him about that instead.

LaQueen · 01/04/2013 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.