To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

[ariane5]

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assault

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway

[ariane5]

It was an engineered situation by dsis, stupidly I gave her the reason she needed to get me arrested.

If I hadn't slapped her she unfortunately would have made some other allegation up as has severe problems. In a way it could be a blessing in disguise she didn't get that opportunity, as it happened I had involvement from SS as dcs were present at the time of arrest so she could have cost me a lot more.

I know I shouldn't have done it it was a split second silly mistake. I should have realised how severe dsis issues were and do what I do now (ignore her outbursts/distance myself).

Doesn't detract from the fact I have a lot to offer

[JustinBsMum]

She was cautioned because her 'D'Sis dialled 999. Police are obliged to follow rules.

[WorraLiberty]

No Justin she was cautioned because she hit her.

[ariane5]

It was barely even what you could call an 'argument' as that implies insults were thrown by both sides.in reality I was followed and ranted at for a good ten mins without replying untill her final insult broke me abou the baby I'd just lost and dd1.

Its in the past in every sense now except for the caution still affecting me

[Rainbowinthesky]

Working with vulnerable people will cause stress and you may well find yourself in difficult situations again. I really think you need to take the attitude that you need to learn from this situaton and that it was your fault. As a teacher I have been put in countless stressful situations with teenagers goading me however it doesnt mean it would be acceptable for me to slap one of them. Also you assaulted her in front of dc.
However, I dont for one moment think this means you cannot learn and move on from this but I don't think you will get far trying to justify it.

[WorraLiberty]

Well if you do have to explain OP (or if you want to) I'd keep it very minimal and show them the caution to prove the details of the assault.

I really wouldn't explain any more than the bare minimum because you may risk sounding as though you're minimising what you actually did.

That might lead them to think you're not really sorry or that you don't accept responsibility for your own actions.

[ariane5]

I cope really well in very stressful situations, I am actually a really calm person. I cope well under pressure (have 4 disabled dcs) and have a lot of experience that could really help others.I help at dd2 pre school every time she attends as cannot leave her, am I meant to let them know I have a caution?

I have never felt or been that angry before or after.It was truly a one off.

[Rainbowinthesky]

Is a long standing arrangement that you are helping out at the playgroup? If it is then they should do a check on you.

[ariane5]

Dcs were present at time of arrest not assault. As they were in house at the time the police had to inform SS.

Dsis had phoned 999 initially but for some reason police didn't come immediately, so she phoned a second time, by then I was home.

[ariane5]

Well technically I am there with dd2 every session (mon-fri) but as I am there with her I help out a bit if she's sitting at an activity table and other children come along I do the activity with them too.

I'm there as a parent really I suppose not an official helper.

[JustinBsMum]

No Justin she was cautioned because she hit her

But wouldn't have been if DSis hadn't dialled 999.

[Rainbowinthesky]

You should be checked then. I am surprised they haven't. They are not following safeguarding rules.

[McNewPants2013]

You sound like you have alot on your plate. I can understand the feeling of wanting to do something for yourself but I think you need to rethink this.

Perhaps an evening course in collage, that is part time.

[ariane5]

Maybe it is different due to the fact I'm there for dd2

If they checked and I wasn't allowed to stay then dd would not be able to attend pre school?

[Rainbowinthesky]

Doesnt make a difference.

[LIZS]

I would have expected them to do a check tbh.

[ariane5]

Would it just be the case that they would be aware of the caution but I'd still be allowed in the setting with dd2?

[Rainbowinthesky]

"Checks for visitors

Are DBS checks required for all visitors or volunteers to schools and colleges?

Visitors DBS checks are not required for visitors. Visitors do not have unsupervised access to children.
Volunteers Checks are required only for those who have regular and unsupervised access to children and young people. Under the terms of the Protection of Freedoms Act 2012 where a volunteer is being adequately supervised, they are not considered to be working in regulated activity however often they do this, and the school does not need to request a DBS check. The Department for Education will shortly be publishing guidance to help schools decide what level of supervision would be considered adequate.

For the purposes of an Ofsted inspection, schools (and colleges) should be able to explain the rationale for those who have been checked and those who have not. The key criterion for checking volunteers is regular unsupervised contact with children.
"
Actually you might be alright as long as you are supervised.

[Rainbowinthesky]

We would have checked you in my school though.

[ariane5]

Yes always supervised, primarily I'm there to administer dd2 treatment if needed and to basically be her 1:1

I have the baby with me too and pop out of room to bf him I only really have contact with other children reading a story/doing an activity within the setting.

[LIZS]

I did wonder if it had changed . However Ariane you seem to be under the impression that this caution will automatically exclude you from applying for such roles which isn't necessarily so . It is more about risk assessment and safeguarding. Even our local FE college has a question on the form about previous offences.

[Rainbowinthesky]

You should be checked especially if you are moving around the building without a member of staff with you.

[ariane5]

I had assumed a caution would just exclude me from such things as at the time dsis had laughed and said I would prob have dcs taken away/never be allowed to help on a school trip/work in a school etc etc so I thought it would be a barrier to lots of things.

Dsis and dm have apologised for it since, if I was checked and asked about the circumstances would a letter from dsis admitting the level of provoking help (she would do it for me she has offered as she k nows at the time she was ina bad place) or again would that be going into it too much ?