Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AIBU?

To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

161 replies

ariane5 · 31/03/2013 21:52

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assault

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway

OP posts:

Report

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 17:58

I honestly think it would be going into it too much. Don't try to excuse it. You need to show you have learnt from it.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 18:00

The pre school is at a childrens centre not a purpose built nursery so pretty much anybody can walk around as all sorts of classes held there.

OP posts:

crashdoll · 01/04/2013 18:10

I agree with Rainbow if you make excuses, people will be a lot less willing to see that you have learnt from it and moved forward.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 18:18

I think so too. I will only offer an explanation if asked.

Might leave it with regards to pre school as they havnt approached me about a check so rather than bring it up myself I will leave it as do not want to jeopardise being able to stay with dd2.

OP posts:

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 21:44

Just to add-out of interest are there any jobs that would be completely out of bounds for me then or is it really at the discretion of the employer?

At some point when dcs are much older I may consider working and something that would fit in with school day would be ideal I.e childminder, dinner lady, teaching asst etc. Would any of those jobs be open to me or not at all?

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 02/04/2013 00:39

Think the OP has received some harsh comments here, actually.

Honestly if someone had said that to me after loosing a baby, I'd have probably slapped them too.

I punched a girl when I was fifteen following years of horrific bullying, culimating in an assault by her mother which triggered my mental illness. It was the first day back of the final year, she made one more snide comment and that was it. I reached my limit. I snapped.

I'm not a violent person. But she made my life hell. Her mother still manages to through the damage she did to me mentally.

I don't think loosing your temper under drastic circumstances can be suggested to make you a risk in a volunteer setting. The situations are entirely separate.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 07:25

SirBoobAlot-Thankyou, really good to feel as if somebody understands the place I was at that day. I know it was a mistake and a one off but its hard to explain that to people who have never been in a similar situation.

I can see why other posters have taken the view they have, a 'Common assault' caution does sound terrible I know. It is embarassing for me to have it hanging over my head and still affecting me now and possibly any employment choices I make in the future.I think that was the long term aim of dsis sadly though.

There's no much I can do if I don't explain it at all it sounds awful, if I try to explain the circumstances then it seems like I'm still dwelling on it (I probably am as I feel the victim myself).

What happened to you sounds horrific, I can't imagine what you went through with bullying on that scale.Thankyou though for mentioning it and trying to explain to other posters how a one off loss of temper doesn't define a person as 'violent'.

I will continue to look into things but am in no rush its just nice to (hopefully) plan ahead for when things with dcs are more settled etc.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 02/04/2013 07:57

At some point when dcs are much older I may consider working and something that would fit in with school day would be ideal I.e childminder, dinner lady, teaching asst etc. Would any of those jobs be open to me or not at all?

Highly unlikely, to work with the young, elderly and vulnerable you need an enhanced CRB check. there was a case in the papers a while back where someone was cautioned for scrumping for apples when they were 14, and couldn't be considered as a candidate for a voluntary job with the police advisory committee age 70 because of it. You cannot escape your past.

www.gov.uk/government/news/filtering-of-old-and-minor-convictions-and-cautions

Some convictions will be filtered out eventually, but hat will be for minors, and isn't legislation yet.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 08:11

Such a shame with dcs disabilities a job would be difficult and something like I mentioned before would have been ideal and made it more likely for me to be able to work at some point.

Even volunteering looks as if itd be difficult.

Its ironic that I am actually no threat at all but because of on silly mistake I have a caution attached to me that will prevent me doing so much.
Dsis, on the other hand (if she wanted to work) could work anywhere and not one of her many violent incidents are ever going to impact on her life as none were reported.

OP posts:

crashdoll · 02/04/2013 09:45

I'm sure a caution will be fine, as it's almost been 5 years. I'm on a social work degree with several people who've had previous minor convinctions/cautions and we're on placements with very vulnerable people.

Please do not stress! If you don't mind me saying - I've read your latest threads and think you need to give some time to yourself. Volunteering can be draining. Give yourself a couple of hours each week to just sleep or go for a walk alone or do something you couldn't do while caring for 4 children with high levels of need.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 09:52

It is hard with dcs I just thought getting out of the house and doing something productive and worthwhile would be better for me.

I could do with a rest but it never ends up happening even if dh is here and dcs are not having a terrible day I will end up cleaning not resting !

The 5 years is up in dec so until then I might just see what's out there that I could do. I just feel stuck in a rut, miserable and tired every single day and dealimg with dcs problems, a couple of hours a week away doing something different would be like a break in itself! I have been through a lot I think that's why I want to do something to help people as have a lot of experiencce with various things.

OP posts:

eavesdropping · 02/04/2013 09:55

Hi ariane

I used to volunteer for a charity that was based in a hospital and was involved in their recruitment process. Each person had to be CRB checked before starting obviously, however if something showed up on their record, it wouldn't have automatically precluded them from going on to volunteer. The committee would have discussed it & also with volunteering services at the hospital. If all parties felt you were not a risk, then you could still be accepted.

I can't say whether your caution would preclude you or not - personally however if I was interviewing somebody to be a BF peer supporter and in every other way they seemed good, a caution from 5 years ago in those circumstances wouldn't put me off.

Good luck

Sallystyle · 02/04/2013 10:08

Some of these comments are bizarre.

She slapped her sister for what? saying horrible things about her disabled child just after she had lost a child? is that right OP?

Doesn't mean she is some kind of crazy arse who can't control her temper. She said she was provoked and while she shouldn't have slapped her I don't see someone she is helping to BF is going to provoke her the way her sister did.

I think most people would have lost it in that situation and it says nothing about her temper and ability to volunteer. We can all be pushed too far and I very much doubt anyone she works with is going to push her to her limits like her sister did on purpose.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:21

Yes samu2 that is what happened after a long morning of dsis ranting (she has many other issues going on) which escalated into the argument where I slapped her.

I wish I hadn't done it but I was severly provoked. I paid a high price for it I was thrown out with dcs same day and it was awful but looking back I can see it was pre planned by dsis and stupidly I reacted precisely how she wanted enabling her to get me arrested.

There is nothing I can do about it now, we have all tried to move on and it hasn't been a huge issue until now that I want to do things like volunteer/help in school.

It is the school thing that's the worst-for anything, trips, helping in class etc they do a check. Everybody knows me as quiet, polite etc and the caution I have got would really surprise them as it is so out of character. It sounds so awful I would almost have to explain it. I'm just so embarassed. That is the main problem.

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 02/04/2013 10:29

You won't necessarily be ruled out of jobs that require an enhanced CRB. DP works for a not for profit organisation that requires all staff to be CRB checked at this level. It is not unusual for these checks to reveal convictions but they are assessed on a case by case basis. Admittedly, an assault charge would ring bells in normal circumstances but you'd be invited to explain the circumstances in which you got the caution before your application was refused. I have a feeling that all employers are required to do this for relatively minor criminal records and in the greater scheme of things, that's what a caution is.

LIZS · 02/04/2013 10:29

Why don't you ask at the Childrens' Centre etc what might or might not be possible so at least you have the facts before applying ? The thread is now going around in circles.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:33

I could but the childrens centre is where dd2 pre school is and I don't want them to then stop me staying with her whilst they process a check as it could take weeks? During which she couldn't then go as I have to stay with her.

OP posts:

LIZS · 02/04/2013 10:34

Checks can be done online , same day.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:36

Is there then a possibility I would not be allowed within the pre school setting though every day ?

OP posts:

LIZS · 02/04/2013 10:38

No idea , but if you are found out not to have volunteered the info when you know you should then it won't look too good in future. Why not start by asking if , given the new system, you need one ?

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:41

I did not know that I should have a check when I was staying with my daughter due to her disabilities.

I am not an actual 'volunteer' at the pre school I am there to look after dd2 it didn't even cross my mind till now whether I even should have asked. My main concern is dd being able to attend pre school safely.

Surely that is different? Do I really need to go through bringing it all up with them?

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 02/04/2013 10:41

They usually just do a risk assessment if something dodgy shows up on a crb check. It doesn't automatically rule you out.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:43

I wonder if there's a phone helpline or similar where I could ask rather than where dd goes to pre school.

I think itd be easier over the phone than in person with people I know and I'd still get the answers I need?

OP posts:

Rainbowinthesky · 02/04/2013 10:45

Trouble is it will be down to the discretion of the management of that particular place. There is little point in getting an answer from elsewhere because the preschool may take a very different view.

ariane5 · 02/04/2013 10:48

But if that is the case at one pre school I assume it would be the same at all others? That would mean dd2 could not attend ANY of them just because I have a caution.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.