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AIBU?

To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

161 replies

ariane5 · 31/03/2013 21:52

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assault

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway

OP posts:

Report

merrymuzzie · 01/04/2013 00:22

For all positions of this they will look at each individual case looking at the crime and the length of time elapsed. You can contact them to discuss it in confidence.

SirBoobAlot · 01/04/2013 00:24

With all your DCs health considerations, would you be able to commit on suggested time scale I've suggested above, OP?

I totally understand why you want to do something. But I also know what it's like to go "RIGHT I need something else in my life, and THIS is what I am going to do!", without actually thinking it through. And again, I say that in the nicest way. There are various things that I have wanted to do, that I have had to slow down, step back and think about, before reaching the logical - and at times disappointing - conclusion.

It sounds like you have a lot of objectives to work with. Driving might be a good one to start with. Once you can drive, then you will have a lot more doors open to you.

Bobyan · 01/04/2013 00:24

Maybe you should think more strategically, write a list of what you would like to achieve and then work toward them one by one.

So start with learning to drive, then look at what is on offer locally in terms of classes / short courses. Then once you have carried out a short term course and you know you can stick with it, move on to something bigger. Look at each item as a small step in the right direction.

I think you would find it much more manageable and you would be far more likely to succeed.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 00:31

It would not be something I could start immediately (as in tomorrow for example!) due to dd2 being very unwell recently with unstable diabetes but I would like to think I could commit that amount of time if I was allowed to pursue it due to crb issues at some point later in the year.

It is not just something I have plucked out of thin air to do, I have been interested since I had dd1 11yrs ago and had no support myself and as it is a subject Iam interestedin, passionate about and have experience with (good and bad) I feel I would do well if given the opportunity.

DH is capable of doing a bit more to help me and once dd2 is a bit more stable and ds2 is a little older (and not needing bf so much himself) I really do think I could do it.

OP posts:

SirBoobAlot · 01/04/2013 00:39

In that case, start with learning to drive, and then work your way through some of these books:

The Politics Of Breastfeeding
The Food Of Love
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
So That's What They're For!
Milk, Money and Madness
Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding.

I hope life starts to look up for you, OP.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 00:51

Thankyou sirboobalot.

I am sure things will improve soon. In the meantime I will make sure I have a read through the books you mention and keep my fingers crossed that when I do come to apply for a course/volunteeting my caution does not prevent me.

OP posts:

musicposy · 01/04/2013 08:42

It may not prevent you if you are honest with them and explain in a letter in confidence with your application. DH works in an area where you need a clean enhanced CRB and yet he has a spent criminal conviction for theft. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? But when he was young and unemployed and depressed they cut his phone line off and he reconnected it himself. He got addicted to those expensive chatlines they used to run and ran up a massive amount. He was charged with theft of the phone service.
Every employer since has been absolutely fine with it. They recognize that he was young and skint and depressed and stupid. So with explanation you may be OK. Good luck with it!

kungfupannda · 01/04/2013 08:55

Cautions are spent after 5 years - they'll still show up on a CRB check, but if they're not current you might have a better chance.

Just wait until the 5 years are up.

Twattybollocks · 01/04/2013 08:57

I have been a bf supporter and the caution aside (which I wouldnt exclude you for given the circumstances) it can be very emotionally draining. Have you considered volunteering for a charity shop? I did this for a while in my late teens and had a whole lot of fun, made new friends and it got me out of the house. The bf thing seems the obvious choice given your experience but there is quite a bit of training involved and it's a big committment.

Lastyearsmodel · 01/04/2013 09:19

Agree peer supporting is a big time and emotional commitment but wanted to add that at our recent update session we were reminded to declare any offences as they would not necessarily be a bar to being accePted as a peer supporter. What they value is honesty so they can look sensibly at your actual offence and situation.

As the op is asking for advice not info ;-) I would agree learning to drive if money allows is a great first option. Or does local children's centre do personal develo

Lastyearsmodel · 01/04/2013 09:21

Posted early... Personal development-type courses? Ours does and they are v good - 2 hours a week to drink tea, natter to other women or not as you prefer and find out a bit about who you are now.

Lastyearsmodel · 01/04/2013 09:22

Ps courses were free and had crèche.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 10:20

I will have a look into that thankyou. Local childrens centre where dd goes to pre school has a lot of bf groups so I could pop in and find things out (am there anyway term time as can't leave dd yet).

Really glad to hear that caution may not stop me doing it.

OP posts:

Tethering · 01/04/2013 10:57

Our local health visitors and nursery nurses regularly asked for bfeeding mums to volunteer to talk to local bfeeding support groups. It didn't involve training and was purely about sharing your personal experiences. That might suit you better than becoming a peer educator.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 11:06

That sounds ideal tethering, I might ask when dd2 returns to pre school as its in same building.

I am there every week anyway (usually sittinig outside pre school room bf ds2!) I could easily pop into the group if they would allow me. Do I just go as normal and take it from there (I could join in my own right I suppose as bf ds) or do I do it formally as I want to help/talk and get crb check or will that not matter?

OP posts:

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 01/04/2013 11:14

Yabu. I can totally see why you are really frustrated but if you have form for losing your temper and hitting someone then I can understand why the state can't 'endorse' you, iykwim.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 11:39

I am not violent though, it was a one off under extreme circumstances surely that would cancel it out somehow?

I have never ever had a problem before or after that one incident it was just a very very bad set of circumstances.

OP posts:

MummytoKatie · 01/04/2013 12:26

I third the suggestion of the bf support groups. Perhaps go along with your baby, explain that you are interested in getting into peer supporting in the long term and just join as a mum. See if you enjoy it.

Simple things like "pubs / cafes I have breastfed and no-one blinked an eyelid" and an explanation of cluster feeding were worth their weight in gold to me. And these are things that you only know from being "in the tranches" so to speak.

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 15:39

I run a project which relies heavily on volunteers.

Normally assault/drugs charges are more tricky than others but it can all be negotiated, it depends how long ago it was etc.

I have taken it up with HR in the past when I have really believed in someone.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 15:48

It was dec 2008 is that too recent do you think

The circumstances really were exceptional and to be honest although I was wrong to momentarily lose my temper I think dsis (she has terrible issues) had pre planned the whole scenario. I cannot even volunteer to do reading in ds1 school as they now do a crb check and I'm embarassed.

It is so unfair that because of somebody elses nastiness I now suffer years later unable to do things I would like to.

It is good to know things can be negotiated, it is just difficult speaking about what was such a heart breaking time in my life. I want to forget it but years later it is still affecting me because I have a caution. Is it true that after 5 years they are 'spent'?

OP posts:

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 15:53

They stay on there forever but I would be happy to look at someone whose last conviction was 3/5 yrs old.

Important to be honest about it at interview IMO.

I personally feel that people should be given a second chance and should not be written off because they have made a mistake.

I think these experiences can be a great stepping stone to helping others :)

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 15:59

Thankyou so much gossipmonster. I would def declare it at first opportunity. I just feel so sad that there are so many things it applies to, volunteering at ds school is probably the worst if I'm honest as people will make an instant judgement and not ever know What really happened.

It is reassuring to know that you would consider somebody with a conviction from a few years previously.

OP posts:

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 16:09

Can you have a quiet word with someone sympathetic at school about it?

You won't be the first person they have encountered with this issue I am sure and they will appreciate your honesty?

Don't worry about people judging you - everyone is flawed :).

My work involves children too - for me the most important thing (within reason and apart from skill set) is mentally being in the right place to support and help other people.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 16:17

I could speak to school but I am just so embarassed, the whole situation was awful and wouldn't be out of place on Jeremy kyle.

I just want to do things like pop into school to help with reading, volunteer to help with bf. I am so sad that I have to worry about something which I know I was wrong to do but wasn't really my fault.

OP posts:

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 01/04/2013 16:21

2008 + 5 years for the Caution to be spent = 2013. Depends on which month in the year you received your caution, but it's either spent or soon to be.

I think you still have to declare it, but it's far less of an issue once it's spent.

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