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AIBU?

To be really fed up that I cannot be a bf support worker

161 replies

ariane5 · 31/03/2013 21:52

I have had a tough time lately and have been thinking over last few days of something I could or aim to do to change my life and give me a bit of purpose.

Somebody I know is a bf support worker at the local hosp/bf group in childrens centre.I thought it sounded like a lovely job an started to think I might be ablr to do something like that as bf dd1 till she was 4, ds1 till he was 2.5, dd2 tillshe was 2 and currently bf ds2 11m so have loads of experience.

I thought maybe I could arrange to volunteer and get dh to perhaps change his hours (work flexible) to help me with dcs as they have health issues and enable me to get out and do something worthwhile that might cheer me up/get me out/help people etc etc.

Started to have a look at what is required etc and if there are any courses you need to do.

Then I saw you need a clean criminal record. I do not have one as in 2008 my horrible sister argued with me and said vicious things, when I slapped her (I know I shouldn't have) she phoned 999 and had me arrested so I have a caution for common assault

It will stop me volunteering to be a bf support worker won't it. I'm so fed up I just wanted to get out of the house and do something worthwhile for a couple of hours a week.
I'm so fed up. AIBU or is it my own fault anyway

OP posts:

Report

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 01/04/2013 16:25

After December then, your Caution will be spent, and will probably not cause you anywhere near the same amount of issues.

LIZS · 01/04/2013 16:28

CRB check has changed now to DBS and is not always required if you are being supervised anyway.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2013 16:33

Just a thought but regarding 'explaining' that it wasn't your fault etc...

Do you have anything in writing to 'prove' what happened? Like access to police statements or something?

Otherwise, why would they take your word for it?

LIZS · 01/04/2013 16:37

I wouldn't get into the why's and wherefores - it really won't help your argument if you look as if you are still holding a grudge, admit it happened but you have moved on.

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 16:38

Agree with LIZS.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 16:49

It is hard to know how to get balance right as to how much info to give/not to give when explaining as there was a huge amount of vile provocatation.

I have a copy of the caution sheet it says that it was a caution for common assault, the date etc and that I slapped my (younger) sister on the cheek following an argument.

No details are given as to the nature of the argument or the fact I'd tried to walk away and she had run after me, carried on saying awful things which culminated inher opinion that my recent mmc was a blessing so that I didn't have" another retard child like dd1".

I can type it on here but couldn't explain that in person as it makes me cry and remember what happened after the argument as well

OP posts:

Altinkum · 01/04/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2013 16:52

That's kind of my point OP

With no evidence, it's just your word you'd be asking them to believe so it's probably not worth dragging it all up and upsetting yourself.

Everyone with a caution/conviction/whatever will have a 'reason' for it and I'm not sure if they'd really be in a position to be able to listen to it.

LIZS · 01/04/2013 16:54

Sorry but the circumstances don't really matter to anyone not directly involved, anymore than it did to the police at the time - if needs be state the fact and leave it at that.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 16:55

ariane5 - you sound like you would make a fab peer supporter. I would take the advice given here considering the other things going on in your life and write a list of what you want to achieve. As said already learning to drive is a good start. If you are in a position to have to explain your caution, don't try to make little of it and say it wasn't really your fault. Better to accept you made a one off mistake several years ago and have learnt from it.

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 16:56

I would never ever want someone to bring in any "evidence" in relation to a past offence .

I would trust it had been dealt with adequately at the time.

I would be interested in whether the person has moved on and more importantly if they were suitable/appropriate and could be trusted in a supporting role.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 16:58

Iam absolutely fine to be trusted with anybody, children, vulnerable people. I am in no way unstable or violent at all. It was a one off in extreme circumstances.

Never before or since have I lost my temper in that way.I am not that sort of person at all and probably a lot of it was due to hormones/recent loss and somebody being vile.

Nobody is perfect. I deserve a chance to do something I'd be good at.

OP posts:

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 17:00

I also agree that if I were interviewing you, I wouldn't be interested in the circumstances leading up to it. I would assume the caution was a justified action by the police who had investigated it at the time. You would be better saying it was 5 years ago (once it is) and saying it didn't involve children but was after an argument with a family member.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 17:02

To be devil's advocate, if you were saying that to me as a potential volunteer it wouldn't cut it as you did get a caution for losing it. That's what I would see without knowing you well.

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 17:03

I suppose at least the factual evidence I have (caution sheet) states it was just 1 slap to the cheek in an argument.

Even the police were a bit at the time and one even said an argument between siblings was wasting their time but as it was 999 call they had to deal with it.

I will be up front about it, show the paperwork if needed but not go into too much detail then if that's best.hard to know what to do/say.

OP posts:

Altinkum · 01/04/2013 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 17:03

Can you find out for sure whether you need to declare it after 5 years?

ariane5 · 01/04/2013 17:08

I think I would still have to declare it.

Iam def going to give it a go as I have so much experience and I know I'd be good at it, I'd really like to offer the support I didn't get when dcs were younger and had bf issues.

OP posts:

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 17:08

It will be on her DSB/CRB declaring it isn't an option.

Seriously - if everyone I knew who worked in Children's Services was stopped from working because they had lost their temper (under extreme provocation) there would be a massive shortage of workers - and I include Social Workers in that too!!!!

Rainbowinthesky · 01/04/2013 17:09

But there is a difference in losing your temper and losing your temper and slapping someone resulting in a police caution. That said, I still think you should try it.

LIZS · 01/04/2013 17:11

Not sure if a DBS would be to hand at time of interview, you may only do the paperwork after an offer is made.

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 17:12

Hmm but depends if the person you have slapped wants to use the law as a tool for revenge?

JustinBsMum · 01/04/2013 17:12

Our local town has a volunteers office (though it's about to be merged with some other department) but if you could look online and see if there is one near you, OP, and see what else you can volunteer for.

For all you know they may not have vacancies for BF support workers at present. And as you are surrounded by DCs some quite different field might perk you up more.

Shame your sister reported you

Gossipmonster · 01/04/2013 17:12

We make offers dependant on a CRB/DSB check.

Altinkum · 01/04/2013 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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